"Life's greatest gift is the complicated, maddening, rewarding and delicious involvement we have with those we dearly love"--Susan Cheever in "As Good As I Could Be"
As I rush around in the days before our road trip to Pennsylvania for Christmas I keep thinking back to the above quote. It is such a true statement that experiencing the intense relationships of our lives is the supreme gift that we should all be grateful for.
Raising Cole has reminded me to appreciate a person for they are. He is his own little person full of independence, drive and desire. When I get frustrated with his behavior, I have to remember that he is finding out about himself every day of every waking hour. I have to sometimes step back and respect that gigantic undertaking more than I do.
Our jobs as parents is not to tell them how to behave but to guide them and show them how to interact with themselves, others and the environment. Taking an extra moment to accept who they are becoming, helping them to process their emotions and forge ahead is vital to their future self awareness. It is so easy to wish the tantrum away, beg for them to act differently or get angry at their seemingly defiant ways but normally these acute reactions can be diffused with a quiet place, an offered hug or an acknowledgment that validates their confusion/frustration/resentment. The exact treatment we as adults request when having a tough go of it.
Cole is Cole and I would never want to be a part of making him be somebody other than himself!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Who knew...
Who knew that something as seemingly innocuous as a graham cracker or pretzel breaking into two parts could send Cole into apoplexy?
Who knew that Cole instantly begins to fret if I let him open the door in the freezer section of SuperTarget but do not let him close the door as well?
Who knew that attempting to take Cole's hat off or remove his shoes if he isn't ready (whatever that means on any given day) could send him skyrocketing into orbit?
Who knew that dropping his red car into the snow was a cardinal sin (prompting a screech high on the octave meter) but dropping the same red car into a muddy puddle elicits no reaction at all?
Who knew that my son could be so fascinated with trucks that it is his first word upon waking and his last word before snuggling in for the night (along with the 479 other times during the day that the word is uttered)?
Who knew that my two year old could be more entertaining than any comedian just by babbling away in toddler speak whilst putting his daddy's boots on backwards on opposing feet with his hat askew and flashing his million dollar smile?
Who knew that I could still experience pure joy as a jaded adult just by watching my little boy's life from the sidelines?
Who knew that Cole instantly begins to fret if I let him open the door in the freezer section of SuperTarget but do not let him close the door as well?
Who knew that attempting to take Cole's hat off or remove his shoes if he isn't ready (whatever that means on any given day) could send him skyrocketing into orbit?
Who knew that dropping his red car into the snow was a cardinal sin (prompting a screech high on the octave meter) but dropping the same red car into a muddy puddle elicits no reaction at all?
Who knew that my son could be so fascinated with trucks that it is his first word upon waking and his last word before snuggling in for the night (along with the 479 other times during the day that the word is uttered)?
Who knew that my two year old could be more entertaining than any comedian just by babbling away in toddler speak whilst putting his daddy's boots on backwards on opposing feet with his hat askew and flashing his million dollar smile?
Who knew that I could still experience pure joy as a jaded adult just by watching my little boy's life from the sidelines?
Monday, December 8, 2008
Unspoken tasks...
Fill every pocket of every jacket with tissues b/c the day I don't will be the day Cole's nose runs like a faucet and I'm forced to use my own sleeve or hand.
Fill humidifier daily to keep Cole's room like the air in Florida; soak and scrub out mineral deposits for its 18 parts weekly.
Empty nursery trash when the stink becomes offensive which to this bloodhound mom means often (along with all the other trashcans in the house)
Change Cole's big boy bed sheets which are on a mattress on the floor in the corner which requires yoga flexibility to complete and wash along with numerous blankies and snotty monkey weekly (along with all other household bedding and towels)
Keep inventory and stock all Cole's toiletry essentials (this means diapers, wipes, Tylenol, Motrin, handi-wipes, toddler toothpaste, tissues, butt paste, eczema cream, bubble bath; this is in addition to all the general household toiltries including making sure there is toilet paper, paper towels, napkins where they need to be at all times.
Keep Cole's diaper bag filled with requisite supplies (besides most of the aforementioned essentials diaper bag musts also include change of clothes, bags for dirty whatever and toys/cars to distract during meltdowns)
Maintain stocked refrigerator with already prepared sippy cups full of water and milk (mixed white with chocolate of course) for when the prince beckons that he is thirsty! (this again saves those precious 30 seconds that it normally would take me to fill a cup from having to listen to the WHINE).
Maintain stocked pantry with favorite (and mostly healthy)snacks and meals. Since Cole confounds me by eating well one week and not the next, I am always balancing what I have in the cabinets (this is in addition to the general household grocery shopping). Thank goodness Costco carries organic products now!!
Prepare meals knowing what his likes and dislikes are for that day/week; know how toasted he likes his waffles/bagels; how warm he likes his mac and cheese; how much he prefers cream cheese over jam; his fondness for soft pretzels, fruit popsicles and scrambled eggs
Order and have on hand extra soft plastic lids for Cole's sippy cups (since he has become fond of poking holes in them or dabbing the cups upside down on any surface to get the liquid out as a form of entertainment). He currently refuses to drink out of a hard spouted cup.
Wipe down all surfaces of the house that seem to acquire handprints (let along paw prints) and spilled "whatever". This is an ongoing and frustrating task along with cleaning the rest of the house which constantly looks as if I haven't cleaned at all.
Vaccuum out the car seat, stroller, couch (in and under)and steam clean the carpet often. Need I say more about this?
Sweep and mop the tile and hardwood floors as necessary (aka ALL THE FREAKING TIME) as Cole (and Tucker) seem to leave a trail of fluids and sticky messes wherever they go which I then step in.
Store all necessary pediatric numbers/addresses, insurance group and policy numbers, social security numbers and appointment reminders using what I have left for a brain (as well as in my phone/wallet)
Reserve books from library weekly (so we have a stack all ready for us) because after perusing the shelves ourselves for 8 minutes and making a mess of their orderly system, Cole shifts into manic mode, his outdoor voice is frowned upon and we must make a hasty exit.
Arrange playdates, host playdates, sign up for _______ (art, music, tumble) classes, bundle up and venture out for a walk at the nature preserve, park, trails, find fun places to go (museum, rec center, seasonal specific fairs).
Organize Cole's clothes, label Cole's clothes, shoes, jackets, hats et al (per Montessori policy), wash Cole's clothes (including remembering what has stains), buy Cole's clothes, and find Cole's clothes (missing gloves, socks, shoes); ensure he has clothes to grow into since he gains an inch every other week it seems.
Clean up Cole's playroom and the rest of the house where toys migrate; search for missing puzzle pieces, car wheels, and blocks; tape book pages together; replace batteries; change up baskets of toys and books from room to room so that he finds "new" things all over again;
Be alert at all times, constantly monitoring his activities and location...knowing what kiddo is up to even when you can't see him. Knowing his weak spots to avoid public tantrums; knowing his likes and dislikes on all levels; realizing that fine window of time for getting him down for a nap; gauging his unpredictable mood to plan the day; letting Cole be Cole but with boundaries that makes us both relatively comfortable.
Be able to contort myself to reach the toy (truck) he drops from his car seat for the umpteenth time while driving 60mph to avoid the inevitable screeching that will ensue otherwise.
Be able to sing verses of any and all children's songs/lullabies and be willing to sing them anywhere and in front of anyone to avoid nuclear reactions as for Cole, singing is an almost instant pacifier.
Be strong enough to discipline Cole in public for bad behavior to solidify that bad behavior isn't acceptable no matter our locale. This is one of the most difficult responsibilities.
Be able to read and reread Cole's favorite book (about TRUCKS of course) after the 50th, 100th, 250th time and still maintain a silly, positive voice!
Be able to just laugh once I get Cole into 3 layers of clothes, his snowpants, jacket, gloves, hat and snowboots only to have him take a crap with a smile on his face.
Fill humidifier daily to keep Cole's room like the air in Florida; soak and scrub out mineral deposits for its 18 parts weekly.
Empty nursery trash when the stink becomes offensive which to this bloodhound mom means often (along with all the other trashcans in the house)
Change Cole's big boy bed sheets which are on a mattress on the floor in the corner which requires yoga flexibility to complete and wash along with numerous blankies and snotty monkey weekly (along with all other household bedding and towels)
Keep inventory and stock all Cole's toiletry essentials (this means diapers, wipes, Tylenol, Motrin, handi-wipes, toddler toothpaste, tissues, butt paste, eczema cream, bubble bath; this is in addition to all the general household toiltries including making sure there is toilet paper, paper towels, napkins where they need to be at all times.
Keep Cole's diaper bag filled with requisite supplies (besides most of the aforementioned essentials diaper bag musts also include change of clothes, bags for dirty whatever and toys/cars to distract during meltdowns)
Maintain stocked refrigerator with already prepared sippy cups full of water and milk (mixed white with chocolate of course) for when the prince beckons that he is thirsty! (this again saves those precious 30 seconds that it normally would take me to fill a cup from having to listen to the WHINE).
Maintain stocked pantry with favorite (and mostly healthy)snacks and meals. Since Cole confounds me by eating well one week and not the next, I am always balancing what I have in the cabinets (this is in addition to the general household grocery shopping). Thank goodness Costco carries organic products now!!
Prepare meals knowing what his likes and dislikes are for that day/week; know how toasted he likes his waffles/bagels; how warm he likes his mac and cheese; how much he prefers cream cheese over jam; his fondness for soft pretzels, fruit popsicles and scrambled eggs
Order and have on hand extra soft plastic lids for Cole's sippy cups (since he has become fond of poking holes in them or dabbing the cups upside down on any surface to get the liquid out as a form of entertainment). He currently refuses to drink out of a hard spouted cup.
Wipe down all surfaces of the house that seem to acquire handprints (let along paw prints) and spilled "whatever". This is an ongoing and frustrating task along with cleaning the rest of the house which constantly looks as if I haven't cleaned at all.
Vaccuum out the car seat, stroller, couch (in and under)and steam clean the carpet often. Need I say more about this?
Sweep and mop the tile and hardwood floors as necessary (aka ALL THE FREAKING TIME) as Cole (and Tucker) seem to leave a trail of fluids and sticky messes wherever they go which I then step in.
Store all necessary pediatric numbers/addresses, insurance group and policy numbers, social security numbers and appointment reminders using what I have left for a brain (as well as in my phone/wallet)
Reserve books from library weekly (so we have a stack all ready for us) because after perusing the shelves ourselves for 8 minutes and making a mess of their orderly system, Cole shifts into manic mode, his outdoor voice is frowned upon and we must make a hasty exit.
Arrange playdates, host playdates, sign up for _______ (art, music, tumble) classes, bundle up and venture out for a walk at the nature preserve, park, trails, find fun places to go (museum, rec center, seasonal specific fairs).
Organize Cole's clothes, label Cole's clothes, shoes, jackets, hats et al (per Montessori policy), wash Cole's clothes (including remembering what has stains), buy Cole's clothes, and find Cole's clothes (missing gloves, socks, shoes); ensure he has clothes to grow into since he gains an inch every other week it seems.
Clean up Cole's playroom and the rest of the house where toys migrate; search for missing puzzle pieces, car wheels, and blocks; tape book pages together; replace batteries; change up baskets of toys and books from room to room so that he finds "new" things all over again;
Be alert at all times, constantly monitoring his activities and location...knowing what kiddo is up to even when you can't see him. Knowing his weak spots to avoid public tantrums; knowing his likes and dislikes on all levels; realizing that fine window of time for getting him down for a nap; gauging his unpredictable mood to plan the day; letting Cole be Cole but with boundaries that makes us both relatively comfortable.
Be able to contort myself to reach the toy (truck) he drops from his car seat for the umpteenth time while driving 60mph to avoid the inevitable screeching that will ensue otherwise.
Be able to sing verses of any and all children's songs/lullabies and be willing to sing them anywhere and in front of anyone to avoid nuclear reactions as for Cole, singing is an almost instant pacifier.
Be strong enough to discipline Cole in public for bad behavior to solidify that bad behavior isn't acceptable no matter our locale. This is one of the most difficult responsibilities.
Be able to read and reread Cole's favorite book (about TRUCKS of course) after the 50th, 100th, 250th time and still maintain a silly, positive voice!
Be able to just laugh once I get Cole into 3 layers of clothes, his snowpants, jacket, gloves, hat and snowboots only to have him take a crap with a smile on his face.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Though no one has ever dared to actually ask me the question posed below which is from Carolyn Hax's "Tell me About It" column in the Washington Post, when I read it I immediately felt the urge to post it here as validation (to whom, I guess myself mostly). But this is for any other eyes reading my BLOG who have felt the unstated pressure one feels to explain what one does as a stay at home mom.
Best friend has child: Her exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc.
Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group ...
OK. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners ... I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy - not a bad thing at all - but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a contest ("my life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and with-out kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
Answer:
Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or, you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short term relief at everyone's long term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything - language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy.
Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.
Best friend has child: Her exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc.
Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group ...
OK. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners ... I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy - not a bad thing at all - but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a contest ("my life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and with-out kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
Answer:
Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or, you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short term relief at everyone's long term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything - language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy.
Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Cheers!
It would be obvious to say that I have lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving 2008. This evening I found myself surrounded by my loving husband, some new fabulous friends, their son and my little light Cole. It certainly should not take a holiday for one to take pause and reflect on all that is good in one's life but it was a reminder nonetheless to do exactly that.
I truly appreciate my wonderful reality, continuing to learn and grow as a parent this past year brings into perspective what I am grateful for in a more authentic way more and more.
I acknowledge how lucky I am to walk this maze of motherhood and I cannot express my gratitude enough that I have been given this path to travel. It is my hope to not let another year go by without respecting more often all that I have been blessed with.
I truly appreciate my wonderful reality, continuing to learn and grow as a parent this past year brings into perspective what I am grateful for in a more authentic way more and more.
I acknowledge how lucky I am to walk this maze of motherhood and I cannot express my gratitude enough that I have been given this path to travel. It is my hope to not let another year go by without respecting more often all that I have been blessed with.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
What it's all about...
I began this BLOG just over a year ago. Initially, I wanted to attempt to keep my love of writing alive despite feeling that many of my brain cells had been hijacked since becoming a mother. I desired to create a personal goal for myself beyond my duties as a new parent. Being a stay at home mom, I report to no one (though I think my 2 year old now thinks he is in charge) and though I thought I wouldn't miss the critique of colleagues surprisingly I do. Aside from a paycheck, working kept my mind acute and with motivation to continue to grow. Now I am my own boss running the show, something that has been much more difficult than I ever imagined.
I thought it would be ambitious for me to produce a weekly post (it was and is) despite having tons of material. What I have found over the past 13 months of posting to my BLOG is that I do LOVE to write but that finding time amidst the chaos of a week has been challenging. Ideas for posts come to me as Cole continues to teach me about so many things and the words flow easily in my head as I watch him experience his world. However quite often while sitting down to put fingers to keyboard the words that came so readily just days or hours before seem to dissolve into thin air much like a dream that seems so vivid you know you'll remember it and yet seconds later it is gone from memory.
Being at home with Cole means an unpredictable schedule, thus TRUE free time is fleeting. I have so many "holes" in the day where I have to grab snippets of an hour when Cole is occupied and engaged in playing to do anything productive. Thus, I find myself yearning desperately for an uninterrupted stretch to just THINK.
The whole 60-75 minutes that Cole naps seems to vanish before I have even had the time to eat lunch. I am constantly in a state of "rush", vainly seeking to fully complete several tasks in a short span of time. The normal outcome is that several things get partially started/finished. My day is piece mealed (I don't think that is even a verb but I am using it) together like a patchwork quilt. I have had to readjust my own expectations of what a productive day is as how things were measured in my past are now no longer measured by the same standards.
Yes, my life is different now, responsibilities, priorities and even successes have been redefined by becoming a parent. I can feel selfish for a time wondering where and when I'll get more than a few hours reprieve but then I remark on how lucky I am to be a mom at all and my self pity dissipates. I take a breath (or two or three) and look back on my day, declaring how successful it truly has been. Here are just a few of today's triumphs.
Listening to Cole make animal sounds as he recognizes their pictures in the book; watching in awe as he lines up all his cars face forward, with all the red ones together;laughing as he excitedly says "I did it" as he puts his hat on sideways; gazing in wonder as he gazes in wonder at the snowflakes falling.
I thought it would be ambitious for me to produce a weekly post (it was and is) despite having tons of material. What I have found over the past 13 months of posting to my BLOG is that I do LOVE to write but that finding time amidst the chaos of a week has been challenging. Ideas for posts come to me as Cole continues to teach me about so many things and the words flow easily in my head as I watch him experience his world. However quite often while sitting down to put fingers to keyboard the words that came so readily just days or hours before seem to dissolve into thin air much like a dream that seems so vivid you know you'll remember it and yet seconds later it is gone from memory.
Being at home with Cole means an unpredictable schedule, thus TRUE free time is fleeting. I have so many "holes" in the day where I have to grab snippets of an hour when Cole is occupied and engaged in playing to do anything productive. Thus, I find myself yearning desperately for an uninterrupted stretch to just THINK.
The whole 60-75 minutes that Cole naps seems to vanish before I have even had the time to eat lunch. I am constantly in a state of "rush", vainly seeking to fully complete several tasks in a short span of time. The normal outcome is that several things get partially started/finished. My day is piece mealed (I don't think that is even a verb but I am using it) together like a patchwork quilt. I have had to readjust my own expectations of what a productive day is as how things were measured in my past are now no longer measured by the same standards.
Yes, my life is different now, responsibilities, priorities and even successes have been redefined by becoming a parent. I can feel selfish for a time wondering where and when I'll get more than a few hours reprieve but then I remark on how lucky I am to be a mom at all and my self pity dissipates. I take a breath (or two or three) and look back on my day, declaring how successful it truly has been. Here are just a few of today's triumphs.
Listening to Cole make animal sounds as he recognizes their pictures in the book; watching in awe as he lines up all his cars face forward, with all the red ones together;laughing as he excitedly says "I did it" as he puts his hat on sideways; gazing in wonder as he gazes in wonder at the snowflakes falling.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
History has been made...
The energy in the air is palpable, running ordinary errands this morning I felt different, energized and positive. No matter how you voted yesterday, a historic event of monumental significance took place last evening and everyone is affected no matter what your party lines may be. Change is needed and necessary on numerous fronts and I can only hope that half of the things promised during the pre-election process will be implemented. I would be estactic for policy changes and reform on many levels.
This was the first election that I voted in as a parent. Since Cole's entry into our lives, the things that were important to me in elections past still remain, however, I carried a stronger perspective into how this election would begin to shape my son's future. The responsibility I felt to really educate myself about the candidate's platforms was real and I took to the task with fervor. Being a parent has taught me to look beyond my particular desires or needs and remember to look ahead to what changes to our government and its administration could mean for Cole and his peers.
I realized that those individuals in a position of leadership and power are on a grand scale creating the framework for my child's ultimate destiny. That both scares me beyond comprehension and yet thrills me that we have so much potential. We move forward post-election as a country with many obstacles to overcome and a long road to recovery with many expected (and I'm sure unexpected) detours ahead.
As a mother, I have to hope that we can look at the overwhelming list of tasks ahead of us as Americans and remember that each one influences the now little lives of our future.
This was the first election that I voted in as a parent. Since Cole's entry into our lives, the things that were important to me in elections past still remain, however, I carried a stronger perspective into how this election would begin to shape my son's future. The responsibility I felt to really educate myself about the candidate's platforms was real and I took to the task with fervor. Being a parent has taught me to look beyond my particular desires or needs and remember to look ahead to what changes to our government and its administration could mean for Cole and his peers.
I realized that those individuals in a position of leadership and power are on a grand scale creating the framework for my child's ultimate destiny. That both scares me beyond comprehension and yet thrills me that we have so much potential. We move forward post-election as a country with many obstacles to overcome and a long road to recovery with many expected (and I'm sure unexpected) detours ahead.
As a mother, I have to hope that we can look at the overwhelming list of tasks ahead of us as Americans and remember that each one influences the now little lives of our future.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The last of the debrief...
This will be the last "chapter" summarizing our eventful September 2008. I look back now as I have written these past few posts and say "oh well, that's life" but at the time everything was happening, I was quite overwhelmed. Thanks for letting me document in dialogue as every step forward (and back) during that time added more lines to my face...LOL.
The second week of our Outer Banks getaway was as I mentioned in the previous post, FANTASTIC. Sadly just as we found our vacation groove it was time to pack up and head back to our real lives, miles away in Minnesota. With all the changes in our travel plans TO the east coast, we had kept our flights out of Charlotte on the return leg. We left Hatteras around 10am and expected to arrive at our day's destination by 5pm or so. Our plan was to then eat dinner, check in to the hotel and get up at the crack of dawn so that Dave and Tucker could drop Cole and I off for our early flight. Several hours into our road trip, we were cruising along, Cole was happy watching CARS on the DVD player. Dave and I chatted about the long hours ahead for him as he raced back to MN in order to get home so that we could use the car to get to Cole's ortho appointment on Monday morning. I felt badly that he was going to be pushed to drive through but Dave being the road trip veteran said he didn't mind at all, the thrill of pushing the envelope was a motivator. I kept thinking to myself, what a waste the 12 hours in Charlotte would be which began a crazy sequence of thoughts in mind. An hour later I blurted out "why don't we just drive through the night as a family and get home tomorrow midday?" We both looked at one another and laughed initially and then we both looked at one another again and said "hmmmm, maybe that could work", then we both looked at one another and said "let's do it!". We quickly found the nearest TARGET and stocked up on our library of DVDs, changed our GPS track and charge with adrenaline and our ambitious goal, began to head north towards WestVirigina instead of west towards Charlotte.
The afternoon and early evening went well. We stopped when both kids needed to stretch, eat and run or the Volvo needed gas (all in all we spent a heart stopping $996 in gas for this trip over almost three weeks...OUCH). The sun was setting as we headed through WV towards Ohio, 10 hours into a 24 hour drive. I drove about 150 miles with Dave taking the wheel the other 850. We had the Volvo packed so full that we couldn't use the rear view mirror so when it got dark, it was challenging for me to drive without it. Cole had been a trooper but now he was sick of his car seat. We had hoped with a full belly and with night falling that he would just go to sleep. Ummmm...did we forget who our child was? Did we actually think that our son who has never slept well a night in his life would suddenly be soothed by the motion of the car and rocked into dreamland? *sigh*...so after quite a bit of protesting, followed by quite a bit of wailing, I managed to crawl back into the tight space that Tucker occupied and got Cole to fall asleep. He kept waking up every 20-30 minutes so I stayed holed up back there with poor Tucker willing Cole to fall into a deeper sleep. Alas, that didn't happen for a few hours and thus, from sitting in such an awkward position, I threw my back out again. I had also begun to feel queasy and thought I was car sick. So I crawled back up front and after quite some time, I began to feel better. Of course, now that Cole is asleep, we need gas. We both knew as soon as the car stopped, he would wake and sure as "***", he did just that, protesting loudly. It was around midnight now, 14 hours down, 10 or so to go! I felt lousy and now thinking maybe I was getting sick. I had to crawl back again to get Cole back to sleep and begged him silently to fall back to sleep since I thought I was going to throw up and just wanted to lay my head and fall asleep myself.
Without much space I just crawled into a child's pose yoga position and rested my head on my heads. I was pushed up against a warm and sleeping Tucker on one side and thus I managed to nod off. Around 3am, Dave whispered until I awoke. He had to stop and rest himself. I still felt awful and thus I could be of no help in taking over the wheel. So somewhere in Bloomington, Illinois, Dave pulled into an empty parking lot near a hotel and we fell asleep as a family. Forty five minutes later, Dave awoke and felt ready to continue. So off we drove into the night. There were some bad storms coming across the plains so he changed our course to attempt to avoid the worst of them. So instead of heading north to Wisconsin, we continued due west towards Iowa. It would add some time to our drive but he hoped to not have to navigate in the dark during a thunderstorm.
Dawn broke and we found ourselves four hours from home. We were approaching 24 hours on the road but with stops and meals, our total time would be approximately 27 hours. At this point, we were counting down the miles and were relieved when we began to see signs for Minneapolis/St. Paul. Around noon we pulled into our driveway, a misty rain was falling, the yard was strewn with leaves as they had changed and fallen during out almost 3 weeks away but we were home.
Looking back, we ask one another if it was worth it and would we have done it again. The answer was probably yes. Getting home Sunday afternoon gave Dave time to regroup, rest and unwind. He wasn't pressed for time as he would have been if he was racing to make it home by Monday morning. He went to bed at 6pm exhausted but so glad to be back at 3408 Quebec Avenue South. Both Cole and I followed suit and hit the sack early. Cole still awoke numerous times but fell back to sleep soundly.
Other than unpacking on Sunday we also had to rearrange Cole's room immediately since he wouldn't sleep in the crib. Dave took the front rail off to create a daybed but he was still hitting his cast on the other rails so after two nights of multiple awakenings, we dismantled the crib entirely and brought up the spare queen mattress and put it on the floor. It has taken the past few weeks to adjust to his new surroundings but he is slowly back to his "normal" routine. With all of his non-sleeping habits, Cole never gave us problems going to sleep. Well that has changed as well, the power struggle over bedtime has begun and the challenge of getting him down before 8:30 or so has us both frustrated.
Cole's ortho appointments went well and his cast came off October 20. He wore a splint for just over a week and now is back to using the arm as he was pre-break. Cole may be a leftie now as he utilizes his left hand for most fine motor skills over his right. Time will tell as he continues to strengthen.
He goes back to school after a 8 week absence beginning next week. He would not have been able to play outside on the playground (sand) or paint or do many of the projects that they do at school without asking his teachers to closely supervise him. He gets messy when he eats and keeping his peers from spilling on him would have been a difficult task so it was just easier to monitor him at home.
We are now enjoying some late Indian summer weather (despite the snow that fell last weekend) and gearing up for the winter ahead. It was a crazy time for us Denhams but as they say "everything happens for a reason".
The second week of our Outer Banks getaway was as I mentioned in the previous post, FANTASTIC. Sadly just as we found our vacation groove it was time to pack up and head back to our real lives, miles away in Minnesota. With all the changes in our travel plans TO the east coast, we had kept our flights out of Charlotte on the return leg. We left Hatteras around 10am and expected to arrive at our day's destination by 5pm or so. Our plan was to then eat dinner, check in to the hotel and get up at the crack of dawn so that Dave and Tucker could drop Cole and I off for our early flight. Several hours into our road trip, we were cruising along, Cole was happy watching CARS on the DVD player. Dave and I chatted about the long hours ahead for him as he raced back to MN in order to get home so that we could use the car to get to Cole's ortho appointment on Monday morning. I felt badly that he was going to be pushed to drive through but Dave being the road trip veteran said he didn't mind at all, the thrill of pushing the envelope was a motivator. I kept thinking to myself, what a waste the 12 hours in Charlotte would be which began a crazy sequence of thoughts in mind. An hour later I blurted out "why don't we just drive through the night as a family and get home tomorrow midday?" We both looked at one another and laughed initially and then we both looked at one another again and said "hmmmm, maybe that could work", then we both looked at one another and said "let's do it!". We quickly found the nearest TARGET and stocked up on our library of DVDs, changed our GPS track and charge with adrenaline and our ambitious goal, began to head north towards WestVirigina instead of west towards Charlotte.
The afternoon and early evening went well. We stopped when both kids needed to stretch, eat and run or the Volvo needed gas (all in all we spent a heart stopping $996 in gas for this trip over almost three weeks...OUCH). The sun was setting as we headed through WV towards Ohio, 10 hours into a 24 hour drive. I drove about 150 miles with Dave taking the wheel the other 850. We had the Volvo packed so full that we couldn't use the rear view mirror so when it got dark, it was challenging for me to drive without it. Cole had been a trooper but now he was sick of his car seat. We had hoped with a full belly and with night falling that he would just go to sleep. Ummmm...did we forget who our child was? Did we actually think that our son who has never slept well a night in his life would suddenly be soothed by the motion of the car and rocked into dreamland? *sigh*...so after quite a bit of protesting, followed by quite a bit of wailing, I managed to crawl back into the tight space that Tucker occupied and got Cole to fall asleep. He kept waking up every 20-30 minutes so I stayed holed up back there with poor Tucker willing Cole to fall into a deeper sleep. Alas, that didn't happen for a few hours and thus, from sitting in such an awkward position, I threw my back out again. I had also begun to feel queasy and thought I was car sick. So I crawled back up front and after quite some time, I began to feel better. Of course, now that Cole is asleep, we need gas. We both knew as soon as the car stopped, he would wake and sure as "***", he did just that, protesting loudly. It was around midnight now, 14 hours down, 10 or so to go! I felt lousy and now thinking maybe I was getting sick. I had to crawl back again to get Cole back to sleep and begged him silently to fall back to sleep since I thought I was going to throw up and just wanted to lay my head and fall asleep myself.
Without much space I just crawled into a child's pose yoga position and rested my head on my heads. I was pushed up against a warm and sleeping Tucker on one side and thus I managed to nod off. Around 3am, Dave whispered until I awoke. He had to stop and rest himself. I still felt awful and thus I could be of no help in taking over the wheel. So somewhere in Bloomington, Illinois, Dave pulled into an empty parking lot near a hotel and we fell asleep as a family. Forty five minutes later, Dave awoke and felt ready to continue. So off we drove into the night. There were some bad storms coming across the plains so he changed our course to attempt to avoid the worst of them. So instead of heading north to Wisconsin, we continued due west towards Iowa. It would add some time to our drive but he hoped to not have to navigate in the dark during a thunderstorm.
Dawn broke and we found ourselves four hours from home. We were approaching 24 hours on the road but with stops and meals, our total time would be approximately 27 hours. At this point, we were counting down the miles and were relieved when we began to see signs for Minneapolis/St. Paul. Around noon we pulled into our driveway, a misty rain was falling, the yard was strewn with leaves as they had changed and fallen during out almost 3 weeks away but we were home.
Looking back, we ask one another if it was worth it and would we have done it again. The answer was probably yes. Getting home Sunday afternoon gave Dave time to regroup, rest and unwind. He wasn't pressed for time as he would have been if he was racing to make it home by Monday morning. He went to bed at 6pm exhausted but so glad to be back at 3408 Quebec Avenue South. Both Cole and I followed suit and hit the sack early. Cole still awoke numerous times but fell back to sleep soundly.
Other than unpacking on Sunday we also had to rearrange Cole's room immediately since he wouldn't sleep in the crib. Dave took the front rail off to create a daybed but he was still hitting his cast on the other rails so after two nights of multiple awakenings, we dismantled the crib entirely and brought up the spare queen mattress and put it on the floor. It has taken the past few weeks to adjust to his new surroundings but he is slowly back to his "normal" routine. With all of his non-sleeping habits, Cole never gave us problems going to sleep. Well that has changed as well, the power struggle over bedtime has begun and the challenge of getting him down before 8:30 or so has us both frustrated.
Cole's ortho appointments went well and his cast came off October 20. He wore a splint for just over a week and now is back to using the arm as he was pre-break. Cole may be a leftie now as he utilizes his left hand for most fine motor skills over his right. Time will tell as he continues to strengthen.
He goes back to school after a 8 week absence beginning next week. He would not have been able to play outside on the playground (sand) or paint or do many of the projects that they do at school without asking his teachers to closely supervise him. He gets messy when he eats and keeping his peers from spilling on him would have been a difficult task so it was just easier to monitor him at home.
We are now enjoying some late Indian summer weather (despite the snow that fell last weekend) and gearing up for the winter ahead. It was a crazy time for us Denhams but as they say "everything happens for a reason".
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The second to last installment...
*NOTE in order to read this in sequence, please begin with the October 12 posting and work your way up. I may decide to backdate these subsequent posts so you just read down but for now this is the easiest way for me to post.
So after another fitful night's sleep (for both Cole and I) we head off to the airport shortly after dawn for our 151 minute flight to Baltimore. Luckily I had scheduled a cab to pick us up because we did not want to pay for 18 days of airport parking plus with the Jeep dead in the garage, I couldn't have gotten there on our own.
We had purchased Cole his own seat on the plane as doing so worked well when I traveled solo to Pennsylvania last spring. He is easier to manage when he has wiggle room in the window seat. This however does not mean that he actually stays in the seat or that he didn't try for 151 minutes to climb under and over the seat, across my lap or try and wedge himself in what space actually does exist between the window seat and the foot space behind our seat.
I had my bag packed with distraction toys only to have those 15 or so items strewn all over with Cole purposely dropping them for me to repeatedly pick up. Oh the games we will play in order to keep our kids from rioting. Remember too that I was dodging his cast which he had learned to use as a weapon & as a musical instrument among other things. I was also forced to be constantly adjusting him from my awkwardly small seat in the middle position with a bad back which I had gained from carrying him the past week since he wanted to be held so often since he broke his arm. But most importantly we avoided any tantrums or spills and by whatever luck I was privileged to carry that morning, I had not one disgruntled passenger nor one poopy diaper to deal with. We arrived in Baltimore midday. I felt like a packmule with my charge and all his "stuff" but we made it out to meet Dave and I breathed a sigh of relief to have my husband (and another set of hands) with us again after such a stressful 24 hours.
We headed down to the Coleson Crick to spend some time with family following Roger's passing earlier in the week. Cole and Dave explored the barn and the grounds finding all kinds of fun things to tinker with. It was strange to be there for the first time without Roger but memories of my first meeting with him, along with all our many subsequent Sunday drives down for lunch, came flooding back. It is my hope that the Crick remains in the family so that Cole can visit and learn about his great grandpa in the years to come.
After spending two days in Nanjemoy, we headed south, following the familiar route to the Outer Banks that we had taken while living in Washington. We arrived in record time (and thus too early to check in to the rental property). So we drove around and reacquainted ourselves with one of our favorite destinations. We finally pulled up to the beach house and began unpacking the overflowing Volvo. Soon after the rest of the Scull clan arrived including my dad with our beloved Tucker!
The surf was rough and the winds were blowing on our first full day but the sun was out so we made the most of the day poolside. **NOTE I forgot to mention that the evening we came home from the hospital after Cole's surgery, I immediately got online to seek a cast cover that would save our vacation and allow Cole to partake in the requisite beach activities (along with the requisite baths that a dirty 22 month old needs). It essentially sealed out the air with a hand pump and kept water and debris out! It looked like he had a little flipper!
Monday we awoke to rain which was fine since Dave and I had to make the 40 minute drive to Nags Head which was where the hospital was to get Cole's follow up X-rays. A coastal storm was creeping towards us and we were keeping a close eye on its status but for now it was just a misty foggy drizzle.
The process at OBX Regional Hospital was simple and relatively short and we left with Cole's radiology reports and CD discs that we had to now take another 10 minutes up the road to be overnighted. There were only two UPS stores on the entire 150 mile stretch of the OBX and we found out since we were so far from a major airport that nothing could be overnighted. Hmmm...okay, I knew the ortho doc wasn't going to be happy, but what could we do, we were truly at the mercy of our remote location. So before we handed them over, Dave wanted to view them on the computer, so he did that while Cole and I headed to the nearby fudge shop. Minutes later, Dave comes in and says that one of the discs was blank. WHAT?? So we had to get back in the car and drive back to the hospital and have them re-do the discs and then drive back to the UPS store, all the while, I'm trying to connect with Cole's doctor's assistant to give her the update that the X-rays would arrive Wednesday not Tuesday as we all had expected. We also were shocked at the amount our small light package would take for a 2-day guarantee, $69! YIKES! We also now had to wait an additional 24 hours to confirm that Cole's arm was healing as it should so we had that cloud hanging over our heads an extra day. We did some tourist shopping and ate some lunch and headed back the 40 minutes to Salvo.
The storm sitting off the Carolina coast had gained strength and the weather reports were hedging bets on whether it would become a hurricane. Regardless, the next 3 days were going to be a wash out. The winds were rocking the house, the tides were already breaching the dunes and the waves were the highest and angriest we had ever seen them. Dare County made the decision to close Highway 12 and the Oregon Inlet Bridge which meant we were stuck on Hatteras Island for 24-48 hours. Scary and exciting and definitely a first in all our visits down there. So we made the most of it, watched movies, played pool, cards and board games and tried to nap.
Wednesday came and word from the ortho that though she was not 100% happy with the angle of the new X-rays she felt confident that no more shifting had occurred and confirmed that the cast remained tight. She wanted us to follow up with her again the Monday after our return for another round of images. Of course the only appointment they had on that Monday was in the morning which meant that Dave and Tucker would have to drive straight through after dropping Cole and I off in Charlotte since we only had the one car to utilize. *sigh*
The other obstacle we had been facing since Cole broke his arm was his refusal to sleep in his crib, one because he continually awoke when his cast banged against the rails and two, because he wanted one of us to comfort him to sleep. So moving to the pack n play while traveling wasn't working either. We set up the twin bed with pillow bumpers and had no choice but to let him be. He was waking multiple times and fighting going to sleep so it was an exhausting week for us in all honesty. He was clingy and wouldn't let anyone else other than Dave or I hold him for the better part of the week. He did warm up by week's end and our second week was much better as he made the adjustments. The weather was fantastic during week two and we were able to be at the beach and pool everyday. Cole had a blast with our friends who came down from DC with their three girls. It was chaos with 4 kiddos under 8 but a lively bunch with lots of laughter.
to be continued (one last time)...
So after another fitful night's sleep (for both Cole and I) we head off to the airport shortly after dawn for our 151 minute flight to Baltimore. Luckily I had scheduled a cab to pick us up because we did not want to pay for 18 days of airport parking plus with the Jeep dead in the garage, I couldn't have gotten there on our own.
We had purchased Cole his own seat on the plane as doing so worked well when I traveled solo to Pennsylvania last spring. He is easier to manage when he has wiggle room in the window seat. This however does not mean that he actually stays in the seat or that he didn't try for 151 minutes to climb under and over the seat, across my lap or try and wedge himself in what space actually does exist between the window seat and the foot space behind our seat.
I had my bag packed with distraction toys only to have those 15 or so items strewn all over with Cole purposely dropping them for me to repeatedly pick up. Oh the games we will play in order to keep our kids from rioting. Remember too that I was dodging his cast which he had learned to use as a weapon & as a musical instrument among other things. I was also forced to be constantly adjusting him from my awkwardly small seat in the middle position with a bad back which I had gained from carrying him the past week since he wanted to be held so often since he broke his arm. But most importantly we avoided any tantrums or spills and by whatever luck I was privileged to carry that morning, I had not one disgruntled passenger nor one poopy diaper to deal with. We arrived in Baltimore midday. I felt like a packmule with my charge and all his "stuff" but we made it out to meet Dave and I breathed a sigh of relief to have my husband (and another set of hands) with us again after such a stressful 24 hours.
We headed down to the Coleson Crick to spend some time with family following Roger's passing earlier in the week. Cole and Dave explored the barn and the grounds finding all kinds of fun things to tinker with. It was strange to be there for the first time without Roger but memories of my first meeting with him, along with all our many subsequent Sunday drives down for lunch, came flooding back. It is my hope that the Crick remains in the family so that Cole can visit and learn about his great grandpa in the years to come.
After spending two days in Nanjemoy, we headed south, following the familiar route to the Outer Banks that we had taken while living in Washington. We arrived in record time (and thus too early to check in to the rental property). So we drove around and reacquainted ourselves with one of our favorite destinations. We finally pulled up to the beach house and began unpacking the overflowing Volvo. Soon after the rest of the Scull clan arrived including my dad with our beloved Tucker!
The surf was rough and the winds were blowing on our first full day but the sun was out so we made the most of the day poolside. **NOTE I forgot to mention that the evening we came home from the hospital after Cole's surgery, I immediately got online to seek a cast cover that would save our vacation and allow Cole to partake in the requisite beach activities (along with the requisite baths that a dirty 22 month old needs). It essentially sealed out the air with a hand pump and kept water and debris out! It looked like he had a little flipper!
Monday we awoke to rain which was fine since Dave and I had to make the 40 minute drive to Nags Head which was where the hospital was to get Cole's follow up X-rays. A coastal storm was creeping towards us and we were keeping a close eye on its status but for now it was just a misty foggy drizzle.
The process at OBX Regional Hospital was simple and relatively short and we left with Cole's radiology reports and CD discs that we had to now take another 10 minutes up the road to be overnighted. There were only two UPS stores on the entire 150 mile stretch of the OBX and we found out since we were so far from a major airport that nothing could be overnighted. Hmmm...okay, I knew the ortho doc wasn't going to be happy, but what could we do, we were truly at the mercy of our remote location. So before we handed them over, Dave wanted to view them on the computer, so he did that while Cole and I headed to the nearby fudge shop. Minutes later, Dave comes in and says that one of the discs was blank. WHAT?? So we had to get back in the car and drive back to the hospital and have them re-do the discs and then drive back to the UPS store, all the while, I'm trying to connect with Cole's doctor's assistant to give her the update that the X-rays would arrive Wednesday not Tuesday as we all had expected. We also were shocked at the amount our small light package would take for a 2-day guarantee, $69! YIKES! We also now had to wait an additional 24 hours to confirm that Cole's arm was healing as it should so we had that cloud hanging over our heads an extra day. We did some tourist shopping and ate some lunch and headed back the 40 minutes to Salvo.
The storm sitting off the Carolina coast had gained strength and the weather reports were hedging bets on whether it would become a hurricane. Regardless, the next 3 days were going to be a wash out. The winds were rocking the house, the tides were already breaching the dunes and the waves were the highest and angriest we had ever seen them. Dare County made the decision to close Highway 12 and the Oregon Inlet Bridge which meant we were stuck on Hatteras Island for 24-48 hours. Scary and exciting and definitely a first in all our visits down there. So we made the most of it, watched movies, played pool, cards and board games and tried to nap.
Wednesday came and word from the ortho that though she was not 100% happy with the angle of the new X-rays she felt confident that no more shifting had occurred and confirmed that the cast remained tight. She wanted us to follow up with her again the Monday after our return for another round of images. Of course the only appointment they had on that Monday was in the morning which meant that Dave and Tucker would have to drive straight through after dropping Cole and I off in Charlotte since we only had the one car to utilize. *sigh*
The other obstacle we had been facing since Cole broke his arm was his refusal to sleep in his crib, one because he continually awoke when his cast banged against the rails and two, because he wanted one of us to comfort him to sleep. So moving to the pack n play while traveling wasn't working either. We set up the twin bed with pillow bumpers and had no choice but to let him be. He was waking multiple times and fighting going to sleep so it was an exhausting week for us in all honesty. He was clingy and wouldn't let anyone else other than Dave or I hold him for the better part of the week. He did warm up by week's end and our second week was much better as he made the adjustments. The weather was fantastic during week two and we were able to be at the beach and pool everyday. Cole had a blast with our friends who came down from DC with their three girls. It was chaos with 4 kiddos under 8 but a lively bunch with lots of laughter.
to be continued (one last time)...
Friday, October 17, 2008
Debrief continues...
*NOTE in order to read this in sequence, please begin with the October 12 posting and work your way up. I may decide to backdate these subsequent posts so you just read down but for now this is the easiest way for me to post.
So back in June when we first began talking about our Outer Banks vacation, Dave and I had decided that maybe it would be wise for Cole and I to fly into Charlotte, NC. He and Tucker would then pick us up for the remaining 6 hour drive to Hatteras Island. Keeping our moving target still for the entire 24 hour drive would be asking way too much of all of us so that was our plan. When back in late August we learned of Roger's tenuous health condition, we decided that Cole and I would fly to Baltimore, MD instead on Thursday, September 18 in hopes that we could visit with Roger and Margie for a few days, and then head as a family down to the Outer Banks. So we changed our flight and crossed our fingers. When Roger passed on September 15, we decided that we would keep with our flights and visit with the family who remained at the Coleson Crick.
So Dave returned from Maryland on Tuesday, September 16, where he did the quickest turnaround both at the office and at home having not expected to have been absent the past three days. I had begun staging our packing needs for Outer Banks about two weeks prior in our basement since we had to bring so much "stuff". It was ready for Dave upon his return and by late Tuesday evening, the Volvo was full, heavy and ready for a road trip. He and Tucker left early Wednesday morning where the destination was the 19 hour drive to Pennsylvania. He would be dropping Tucker off with my parents who would bring him down to the Outer Banks for us since we could not have him down at Dave's grandparent's farm (no fence, too much water and Tayloe, Roger's Doberman who had not taken to Tucker in years prior). Dave would then drive to Baltimore on Thursday and pick Cole and I up at the airport and then we would head to the Crick.
On the same day as Dave's trek to PA, Cole and I had his one week post-surgical follow up appointment with the ortho doc over in St. Paul. He and I got there early and headed over to X-ray knowing we had a slight wait until our appointment with the doc. When we got called back immediately, my radar went off and I knew before I knew that something was wrong. Dr. Quanbeck met us in Purple Room 6 and I could tell by her demeanor as I entered that indeed something was not as it should be. She proceeded to show me Cole's x-rays which depicted a large black space between his cast and his arm. This meant the cast had loosened as his swelling had subsided over the past 7 days and because the cast had loosened so greatly and Cole was such an active toddler, the bones unfortunately had shifted, both of them. My heart sank and I began to feel dizzy as she explained that she was not comfortable putting him back under anesthesia again to reduce the bones and that the amount of reduction was far less than the first time so they could manually reduce him in the office. They would remove his original cast, take X-rays until she was happy with the position of the bones and then recast him. With no time to think or digest this terrible diagnosis but knowing how distressing the next few hours would be, we moved to the casting room.
Cole was already stressed about being back in the hospital. I could read the terror in his eyes as the 3 nurses and doc descended on his room. They had put on the movie CARS as a vain attempt to distract him. He wanted to be held with his head buried in my chest but they needed me to sit him facing out on my lap securing his good arm. You have no idea how strong a child is until they are reacting out of pure fear and pain. They masterfully cut away at his cast and I swear that Cole already knew what was coming. They braced me and walked me through each step as it happenend but my mind was on overload and it sounded like muffled noise as they spoke. I was working on automatic mode, struggling to stay strong and keep back my tears. I sang and sang trying to soothe my son and felt angry that this was occurring without warning but reality was reality and I had to live in that moment. They raced us to X-ray after "pushing" on him the first time only to learn they had to "push" again. Back to X-ray again with him screaming, having to put on the protective gear with one arm as the techs helped me position Cole. Finally, after the third "push", Dr. Quanbeck was satisfied. The bones had to be less than 10% displaced in order for them to heal correctly so that they could rotate around one another as the bones in the forearm must. As he grows, the bones will continue to straighten, so she would okay with <10%. Now a new cast had to be put on, a plaster cast over the broken lower arm and then the full arm fiberglass cast. Putting a cast on a writhing 22 month old was a feat. I had plaster in my hair, on my clothes, on Cole's clothes and shoes. I was sweating, I had not eaten, and I was emotionally drained at this point. What I thought would have been a 30 minute follow up appointment had now stretched to almost three hours. Dr. Quanbeck was confident that this new tighter cast would not slip since his swelling had subsided but to ensure this she wanted us back for another follow up the following week. Well, we were leaving the next day for our 18 days away. Crap, okay, so we decided that Dave and I would take Cole to the Outer Banks Hospital radiology department for X-rays and have them sent to her overnight for review. If all was well, then we wouldn't be back again until his cast came off on October 20. If all was not as it should be, well, in her words "we will cross that bridge if it comes to that". She had her assistant call the OBX hospital and confirm our arrangement.
So with all that behind us, Cole and I headed out to the Jeep (as Dave had taken the Volvo). Cole was so fatigued by the ordeal, I just wanted to get him home. I got him situated with the last rice cake I had in my diaper bag and went to start the car. The key wouldn't go all the way in. I repositioned the steering wheel and tried again. Panic surged up my nerve pathways as I tried several more times without success. I banged on the steering column and made sure the gear was in PARK. Nothing! I called Dave who at this point had no idea how our morning had evolved and who was dealing with a road closure near Chicago. I was trying to stay calm but that ability had long departed. He walked me through some potential fixes to no avail. He would call USAA road assistance and I would contact hospital security. I got Cole back out of the car and back into the stroller. I stood momentarily in disbelief staring at the Jeep willing it to rev into action. Hospital security arrived and tried several attempts with no success. So back into the hospital we went. Cole was becoming agitated so I decided to walk with him as I waited impatiently for Dave to call back. USAA called and said it would upwards of 2 hours before someone could reach me. They felt the problem could be resolved but if not then we would get a tow. As the information sunk in that I would now have to wait an agonizing 2 hours, Dave called back and I broke down. Cole and I eventually went back to the playroom where he bounced back from his ordeal and I wanted to just combust. He was a trooper for the almost 3 HOURS it actually took for the repair service to arrive. The guy was able to jury rig the ignition to start but said it would die again once I got home. Thankfully, we would be going home, albeit at this point in rush hour traffic. So after arriving at 10:30 that morning we pulled into our garage at 5:45. The Jeep indeed would not start again but at this point, we were home. Cole was not interested in food and I so I held him until he fell asleep. I then had to run around racing to complete the last minute To-Do's I had anticipated having the entire afternoon to finish before our departure early the following morning.
to be continued...
So back in June when we first began talking about our Outer Banks vacation, Dave and I had decided that maybe it would be wise for Cole and I to fly into Charlotte, NC. He and Tucker would then pick us up for the remaining 6 hour drive to Hatteras Island. Keeping our moving target still for the entire 24 hour drive would be asking way too much of all of us so that was our plan. When back in late August we learned of Roger's tenuous health condition, we decided that Cole and I would fly to Baltimore, MD instead on Thursday, September 18 in hopes that we could visit with Roger and Margie for a few days, and then head as a family down to the Outer Banks. So we changed our flight and crossed our fingers. When Roger passed on September 15, we decided that we would keep with our flights and visit with the family who remained at the Coleson Crick.
So Dave returned from Maryland on Tuesday, September 16, where he did the quickest turnaround both at the office and at home having not expected to have been absent the past three days. I had begun staging our packing needs for Outer Banks about two weeks prior in our basement since we had to bring so much "stuff". It was ready for Dave upon his return and by late Tuesday evening, the Volvo was full, heavy and ready for a road trip. He and Tucker left early Wednesday morning where the destination was the 19 hour drive to Pennsylvania. He would be dropping Tucker off with my parents who would bring him down to the Outer Banks for us since we could not have him down at Dave's grandparent's farm (no fence, too much water and Tayloe, Roger's Doberman who had not taken to Tucker in years prior). Dave would then drive to Baltimore on Thursday and pick Cole and I up at the airport and then we would head to the Crick.
On the same day as Dave's trek to PA, Cole and I had his one week post-surgical follow up appointment with the ortho doc over in St. Paul. He and I got there early and headed over to X-ray knowing we had a slight wait until our appointment with the doc. When we got called back immediately, my radar went off and I knew before I knew that something was wrong. Dr. Quanbeck met us in Purple Room 6 and I could tell by her demeanor as I entered that indeed something was not as it should be. She proceeded to show me Cole's x-rays which depicted a large black space between his cast and his arm. This meant the cast had loosened as his swelling had subsided over the past 7 days and because the cast had loosened so greatly and Cole was such an active toddler, the bones unfortunately had shifted, both of them. My heart sank and I began to feel dizzy as she explained that she was not comfortable putting him back under anesthesia again to reduce the bones and that the amount of reduction was far less than the first time so they could manually reduce him in the office. They would remove his original cast, take X-rays until she was happy with the position of the bones and then recast him. With no time to think or digest this terrible diagnosis but knowing how distressing the next few hours would be, we moved to the casting room.
Cole was already stressed about being back in the hospital. I could read the terror in his eyes as the 3 nurses and doc descended on his room. They had put on the movie CARS as a vain attempt to distract him. He wanted to be held with his head buried in my chest but they needed me to sit him facing out on my lap securing his good arm. You have no idea how strong a child is until they are reacting out of pure fear and pain. They masterfully cut away at his cast and I swear that Cole already knew what was coming. They braced me and walked me through each step as it happenend but my mind was on overload and it sounded like muffled noise as they spoke. I was working on automatic mode, struggling to stay strong and keep back my tears. I sang and sang trying to soothe my son and felt angry that this was occurring without warning but reality was reality and I had to live in that moment. They raced us to X-ray after "pushing" on him the first time only to learn they had to "push" again. Back to X-ray again with him screaming, having to put on the protective gear with one arm as the techs helped me position Cole. Finally, after the third "push", Dr. Quanbeck was satisfied. The bones had to be less than 10% displaced in order for them to heal correctly so that they could rotate around one another as the bones in the forearm must. As he grows, the bones will continue to straighten, so she would okay with <10%. Now a new cast had to be put on, a plaster cast over the broken lower arm and then the full arm fiberglass cast. Putting a cast on a writhing 22 month old was a feat. I had plaster in my hair, on my clothes, on Cole's clothes and shoes. I was sweating, I had not eaten, and I was emotionally drained at this point. What I thought would have been a 30 minute follow up appointment had now stretched to almost three hours. Dr. Quanbeck was confident that this new tighter cast would not slip since his swelling had subsided but to ensure this she wanted us back for another follow up the following week. Well, we were leaving the next day for our 18 days away. Crap, okay, so we decided that Dave and I would take Cole to the Outer Banks Hospital radiology department for X-rays and have them sent to her overnight for review. If all was well, then we wouldn't be back again until his cast came off on October 20. If all was not as it should be, well, in her words "we will cross that bridge if it comes to that". She had her assistant call the OBX hospital and confirm our arrangement.
So with all that behind us, Cole and I headed out to the Jeep (as Dave had taken the Volvo). Cole was so fatigued by the ordeal, I just wanted to get him home. I got him situated with the last rice cake I had in my diaper bag and went to start the car. The key wouldn't go all the way in. I repositioned the steering wheel and tried again. Panic surged up my nerve pathways as I tried several more times without success. I banged on the steering column and made sure the gear was in PARK. Nothing! I called Dave who at this point had no idea how our morning had evolved and who was dealing with a road closure near Chicago. I was trying to stay calm but that ability had long departed. He walked me through some potential fixes to no avail. He would call USAA road assistance and I would contact hospital security. I got Cole back out of the car and back into the stroller. I stood momentarily in disbelief staring at the Jeep willing it to rev into action. Hospital security arrived and tried several attempts with no success. So back into the hospital we went. Cole was becoming agitated so I decided to walk with him as I waited impatiently for Dave to call back. USAA called and said it would upwards of 2 hours before someone could reach me. They felt the problem could be resolved but if not then we would get a tow. As the information sunk in that I would now have to wait an agonizing 2 hours, Dave called back and I broke down. Cole and I eventually went back to the playroom where he bounced back from his ordeal and I wanted to just combust. He was a trooper for the almost 3 HOURS it actually took for the repair service to arrive. The guy was able to jury rig the ignition to start but said it would die again once I got home. Thankfully, we would be going home, albeit at this point in rush hour traffic. So after arriving at 10:30 that morning we pulled into our garage at 5:45. The Jeep indeed would not start again but at this point, we were home. Cole was not interested in food and I so I held him until he fell asleep. I then had to run around racing to complete the last minute To-Do's I had anticipated having the entire afternoon to finish before our departure early the following morning.
to be continued...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
A debriefing on the Denham's September 2008...
With the exception of my post honoring Cole's great grandfather Roger, no other blogging attempts have made my daily agenda since early September. As I sit here to summarize the past 30 days into a blog worthy post, I'm not sure where to begin, other than to place a disclaimer for my readers that it will be the longest post I have ever written. I think I will actually post in sections/chapters on different days instead of posting an all-in-one!
The month began with a beautiful and warm Labor Day weekend. We went for a long hike with the kids at Baker Reserve, enjoyed the veggies from our garden, drank some vino sitting around our new firepit and chatted excitedly about our upcoming vacation to the Outer Banks.
The week following the long holiday weekend brought the sad news regarding an infection that Dave's grandfather Roger, stricken with cancer, was fighting. Dave's mom flew to Maryland from Oregon when Dave's grandmother Margie fell ill as well. We got daily updates which vascillated in tone and though we hoped for the best, our worst fears regarding Roger's health were being played out.
That very same week, Cole's cute little head was featured bopping around on PBS Kid's Sprout PIC ME segment (I blogged about this so I won't write about the specifics again here). That very same day that I spent two hours watching the PIC ME show in order to capture Cole's "adventure" on TV, I drove to Montessori school to pick him up and found him inconsolable. His teachers indicated that he had been crying for two hours, moaning, et al. My immediate reaction as he ran into my arms was to remain calm as he is so sensitive that he picks up on my anxiety. He had nestled into my shoulder and was obviously distraught but I could not peal him off me to ascertain what was wrong. No one had seen him fall and he didn't initially seem like anything was injured. So I gathered his belongings as he refused to be put down and headed to the car.
A pure shot of fear ran through me as I attempted to thread his right arm through the straps on his car seat. He let out a shriek of pain that sent shivers up my spine. I had no option other than to begin driving home and hope that maybe once I got him home, I could manage damage control, having NO IDEA what exactly was wrong but now knowing that someone was definitely not right. He began to settle down on the 20 minute drive home still wimpering and looking so tired and haggard as I continually glanced in my rear view mirror. He normally runs from the garage to the yard and thus my second pang of fear crept in as he refused to get out of his car seat. I gingerly lifted him out as he began to rev back up with his crying. I got him in the house and went upstairs to try to figure out what was going on. I laid him down on our bed and realized then that he was guarding his entire right arm and shoulder. I began to sweat as I realized he wasn't moving any part of either. I quickly changed his diaper and attempted to make him move his fingers which he wouldn't. I finally couldn't keep my wits about me and I panicked, calling Dave. I rambled on to him about the past 45 minutes and said "something is very wrong". I needed him to tell me what to do because after being strong, I was losing control as my emotions temporarily superceded my ability to think. Do I go to the ER, call the pediatrician? Call the peds first and ask them what to do. It was 4:30. All the while, Cole is just a lump in my arms. The nurse scheduled us to come in right away.
As I proceeded down stairs, I tried to remember to grab anything I might need as I had no idea what the following hours held for us. It took me 5 minutes to get him into the car seat because he was in so much pain and thus he fought with me. I sang, I made silly faces, I distracted with his cars but none of my tricks were working. I raced over to the peds office, willing rush hour traffic to get out of my way. We got taken back and he refused to let me put him down anywhere. Our peds wasn't there but a colleague was. We couldn't get him to calm down enough to be evaluated. I finally said, can we go out to your picture window? She looked at me knowing I had a logical reason and out we headed. The trucks thundered past on Minnetonka Blvd and Cole stopped crying and pointed with his good arm and said repeatedly of his favorite thing "trucks, trucks!!". The pediatricain asked if I could hold his good hand and ask him to point with the bad one so she could determine whether it was his shoulder, elbow, arm, wrist, hand etc. After several rounds of this "game" the doc was able to narrow it down to his forearm. Now that we had him relatively calm, she examined him while he and I continued to watch for trucks. He did have a "bow" to his right lower forearm and swelling midline. She said we have to have X-rays but they would do them quickly but I couldn't be in the room. So there I stood slumped against the wall, willing back tears as the two nurses x-rayed him, his blood curdling screams making me wince. We waited 10 minutes when a nurse came in with a shot of Tylenol and I knew then what the news was going to be. Sure enough, Dr. Gold came in with a copy of the X-rays which showed both his Ulna and Radius snapped at the midline. They had called Gillette Children's Hospital but he wasn't considered an emergency so they would have to immobilize him for the night and we would head over to St. Paul first thing the next day. She also indicated that he couldn't eat after 6am, just in case he needed surgery. Needless to say, our night was horrific, as Cole as so uncomfortable and fearful and neither Dave nor I could sleep. I had so many things floating around in my head I was nauseous. I had called the school to attempt to find out ANYTHING that might explain what happenend to Cole and though I felt in my heart that it was an accident it certainly made me question some things. I felt guilty, I felt scared, I felt angry, I felt weak and helpless as his mom who couldn't make things better for him and I felt unprepared for this kind of thing occurring so early in his life.
Off we drove to Gillette Children's Hospital the next morning to meet with the pediatric ortho specialist. They took more X-rays which Cole fought with fervor and the verdict came in. He would indeed need to go under anesthesia to reduce the broken bones and cast him. Unforuntately, she triaged patients in the morning and surgeries took place in the afternoon, so we had time to waste. UGH! Cole played in their playroom and we walked around with the inevitable looming over our heads. Finally it was our time and the nurses took us to the surgery suite. I was having a hard time not shaking as they began his prep. The lights and people were overwhelming to Cole who had experienced way too much in a short blip of time and he wanted nothing to do with anyone. Finally, Dave left with Cole and the docs where he was allowed to remain until they put Cole under. I sobbed in the suite willing myself to focus on the outcome. Time ticked by ever so slowly, when finally Dr. Quanbeck came to get us and give us the summary. Everything went well and he was in recovery. Relief seeped from my every pore.
We headed home after spending close to 7 hours at the hospital. Numerous friends had dropped off food, walked Tucker and left messages for us. The first 24-48 hours would be critical to ensure that Cole didn't develop Compartment Syndrome which can cause severe swelling following reduction. So we were up every 3 hours (well we were pretty much awake anyway) to check Cole's fingers and position. He was unsteady on his feet, very irritable and with no appetite for 2-3 days. He got frustrated at his inability to play like he was used too but he was adjusting as we knew he would.
Saturday the 13th, the call came from Dave's mom that things were dire with Roger and could he come to Maryland immediately. He hopped on a flight on Sunday morning and drove to the Coleson Crick with his sister. Roger was never able to speak with Dave as he had been "sleeping" since the previous day but Dave was able to talk to him and share his memories with his grandfather. Roger passed from this life Monday the 15th surrounded by his family. Dave came home to Minnesota on Tuesday the 16th as Roger's service will be at Arlington National Cemetary in December.
to be continued...
The month began with a beautiful and warm Labor Day weekend. We went for a long hike with the kids at Baker Reserve, enjoyed the veggies from our garden, drank some vino sitting around our new firepit and chatted excitedly about our upcoming vacation to the Outer Banks.
The week following the long holiday weekend brought the sad news regarding an infection that Dave's grandfather Roger, stricken with cancer, was fighting. Dave's mom flew to Maryland from Oregon when Dave's grandmother Margie fell ill as well. We got daily updates which vascillated in tone and though we hoped for the best, our worst fears regarding Roger's health were being played out.
That very same week, Cole's cute little head was featured bopping around on PBS Kid's Sprout PIC ME segment (I blogged about this so I won't write about the specifics again here). That very same day that I spent two hours watching the PIC ME show in order to capture Cole's "adventure" on TV, I drove to Montessori school to pick him up and found him inconsolable. His teachers indicated that he had been crying for two hours, moaning, et al. My immediate reaction as he ran into my arms was to remain calm as he is so sensitive that he picks up on my anxiety. He had nestled into my shoulder and was obviously distraught but I could not peal him off me to ascertain what was wrong. No one had seen him fall and he didn't initially seem like anything was injured. So I gathered his belongings as he refused to be put down and headed to the car.
A pure shot of fear ran through me as I attempted to thread his right arm through the straps on his car seat. He let out a shriek of pain that sent shivers up my spine. I had no option other than to begin driving home and hope that maybe once I got him home, I could manage damage control, having NO IDEA what exactly was wrong but now knowing that someone was definitely not right. He began to settle down on the 20 minute drive home still wimpering and looking so tired and haggard as I continually glanced in my rear view mirror. He normally runs from the garage to the yard and thus my second pang of fear crept in as he refused to get out of his car seat. I gingerly lifted him out as he began to rev back up with his crying. I got him in the house and went upstairs to try to figure out what was going on. I laid him down on our bed and realized then that he was guarding his entire right arm and shoulder. I began to sweat as I realized he wasn't moving any part of either. I quickly changed his diaper and attempted to make him move his fingers which he wouldn't. I finally couldn't keep my wits about me and I panicked, calling Dave. I rambled on to him about the past 45 minutes and said "something is very wrong". I needed him to tell me what to do because after being strong, I was losing control as my emotions temporarily superceded my ability to think. Do I go to the ER, call the pediatrician? Call the peds first and ask them what to do. It was 4:30. All the while, Cole is just a lump in my arms. The nurse scheduled us to come in right away.
As I proceeded down stairs, I tried to remember to grab anything I might need as I had no idea what the following hours held for us. It took me 5 minutes to get him into the car seat because he was in so much pain and thus he fought with me. I sang, I made silly faces, I distracted with his cars but none of my tricks were working. I raced over to the peds office, willing rush hour traffic to get out of my way. We got taken back and he refused to let me put him down anywhere. Our peds wasn't there but a colleague was. We couldn't get him to calm down enough to be evaluated. I finally said, can we go out to your picture window? She looked at me knowing I had a logical reason and out we headed. The trucks thundered past on Minnetonka Blvd and Cole stopped crying and pointed with his good arm and said repeatedly of his favorite thing "trucks, trucks!!". The pediatricain asked if I could hold his good hand and ask him to point with the bad one so she could determine whether it was his shoulder, elbow, arm, wrist, hand etc. After several rounds of this "game" the doc was able to narrow it down to his forearm. Now that we had him relatively calm, she examined him while he and I continued to watch for trucks. He did have a "bow" to his right lower forearm and swelling midline. She said we have to have X-rays but they would do them quickly but I couldn't be in the room. So there I stood slumped against the wall, willing back tears as the two nurses x-rayed him, his blood curdling screams making me wince. We waited 10 minutes when a nurse came in with a shot of Tylenol and I knew then what the news was going to be. Sure enough, Dr. Gold came in with a copy of the X-rays which showed both his Ulna and Radius snapped at the midline. They had called Gillette Children's Hospital but he wasn't considered an emergency so they would have to immobilize him for the night and we would head over to St. Paul first thing the next day. She also indicated that he couldn't eat after 6am, just in case he needed surgery. Needless to say, our night was horrific, as Cole as so uncomfortable and fearful and neither Dave nor I could sleep. I had so many things floating around in my head I was nauseous. I had called the school to attempt to find out ANYTHING that might explain what happenend to Cole and though I felt in my heart that it was an accident it certainly made me question some things. I felt guilty, I felt scared, I felt angry, I felt weak and helpless as his mom who couldn't make things better for him and I felt unprepared for this kind of thing occurring so early in his life.
Off we drove to Gillette Children's Hospital the next morning to meet with the pediatric ortho specialist. They took more X-rays which Cole fought with fervor and the verdict came in. He would indeed need to go under anesthesia to reduce the broken bones and cast him. Unforuntately, she triaged patients in the morning and surgeries took place in the afternoon, so we had time to waste. UGH! Cole played in their playroom and we walked around with the inevitable looming over our heads. Finally it was our time and the nurses took us to the surgery suite. I was having a hard time not shaking as they began his prep. The lights and people were overwhelming to Cole who had experienced way too much in a short blip of time and he wanted nothing to do with anyone. Finally, Dave left with Cole and the docs where he was allowed to remain until they put Cole under. I sobbed in the suite willing myself to focus on the outcome. Time ticked by ever so slowly, when finally Dr. Quanbeck came to get us and give us the summary. Everything went well and he was in recovery. Relief seeped from my every pore.
We headed home after spending close to 7 hours at the hospital. Numerous friends had dropped off food, walked Tucker and left messages for us. The first 24-48 hours would be critical to ensure that Cole didn't develop Compartment Syndrome which can cause severe swelling following reduction. So we were up every 3 hours (well we were pretty much awake anyway) to check Cole's fingers and position. He was unsteady on his feet, very irritable and with no appetite for 2-3 days. He got frustrated at his inability to play like he was used too but he was adjusting as we knew he would.
Saturday the 13th, the call came from Dave's mom that things were dire with Roger and could he come to Maryland immediately. He hopped on a flight on Sunday morning and drove to the Coleson Crick with his sister. Roger was never able to speak with Dave as he had been "sleeping" since the previous day but Dave was able to talk to him and share his memories with his grandfather. Roger passed from this life Monday the 15th surrounded by his family. Dave came home to Minnesota on Tuesday the 16th as Roger's service will be at Arlington National Cemetary in December.
to be continued...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Great Grandpa Roger...you will be missed
Cole was so fortunate to have been born in Washington, DC. His birthplace allowed him to be near his great grandpa Roger who lived in Maryland. Cole got to spend time with Roger several times before our move to Minnesota. We have several photos of them together. Cole was just shy of a month old in this picture taken on New Year's Eve of 2006.
Cole's middle name is Roger in honor of Dave's beloved grandfather. Roger will be sadly missed but leaves many memories for us of a wonderful man and times spent at "The Coleson Crick". Roger left a legacy behind for his great grandson and we will be sure that Cole learns much about him.
Roger "Buzz" David Coleson, 88, of Nanjemoy, MD passed away at his Home on Monday, September 15, 2008. He is predeceased by his Parents; Emmett Coleson and Florence Wendt Coleson. He is survived by his Wife; Margie M. Coleson, Son; Mark D. Coleson of Arlington, VA, Daughter; Susan Lee Coleson-Fox of Seal Rock, Oregon, Sister; Leone Reed of Minneapolis, Minnesota, and 6 Grandchildren, and 5 Great Grandchildren. Buzz Coleson was a Veteran of WWII with the United States Air Force as a Pilot and retired from the United States Air Force after 30 years of service to his Country. He was a member of the "Greatest Generation". There will be a Memorial Graveside Service for Buzz Coleson on Monday, December 1, 2008 at Arlington National Cemetery at 3 pm.
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