Otay...

The past week or so, our little guy has just become Mr. Conversation. It is so fascinating to listen to him actually carry on a back and forth discussion. Every day he tosses out a new and complicated word that I have NEVER heard him use before (skyaper = skyscraper...this was while I had the TODAY show on and they showed the Plaza with all the tall buildings...my jaw dropped!!) or while we are reading, he will point to a object on a page from a book we just got out of the library (hence no familiarity with the content) and successfully identify it (in this case it was the number 72 on a firetruck (he knows his numbers 1-15 and can define them out of order so it made perfect sense for him to say 7 2...still to hear him say it without my prompting was amazing.

But what has us cracking up as of late is his perfect rendition of Buckwheat's "OTAY". Cole says it after just about every sentence (that is if he isn't using his #2 word which is "NO" which is closely followed by "I DO IT". His intonation is perfect as he typically uses it not as a question but as an adverb. He elongates the "O" and emphasizes the "TAY". We haven't been able to get it on video yet because he also dislikes being asked to do anything on cue anymore but I am determined because it is so freaking funny to hear.

Wacky Wild June...

What a Wacky wild June, what a ride...here is the spin...

Cole started the month off with a runny nose, followed in close succession with a rapidly growing fever and a full body rash of what to me looked like measles. He has been vaccinated but I was obviously more than concerned. The rash didn't itch but got worse and worse over 72 hours, the fever peaked at 104.1 (of course on a weekend) so I took him to the pediatric urgent care. The doctor there wasn't sure what the heck it was since it wasn't presenting as some childhood viruses do (roseola or Fifths). Cole was miserable and not himself and he looked awful with this head to toe speckling. That Monday we followed up with our pediatrician who asked two other doctors to come in for a look see. Cole has had his fair share of hospitals/doctors (pokings and prodding) so he isn't the easiest patient. None of the doctors could definitively diagnose him. Six days he ran a high fever...6 days!!!. I was a mess worrying that something was lurking in his little system of an unknown origin. The fever finally subsided but the rash has come and gone at varying levels for almost a month. It is gone and then it is back on his legs, it disappears and then shows up on his right arm, gone again, only to show its face on his belly. *sigh*, everyone probably wonders why I have aged in the past 2.5 years (serious lack of sleep and episodes such as the one previously mentioned).

So onward march, last Wednesday, I'm getting Cole dressed in the morning and I see what looks like a mosquito bite on his arm (red and raised) and fairly significant as most of his mosquito bites get. I do my best to douse him in organic products (the only kind his skin will tolerate) but he is bound to get them regardless. Anyhow, off to school he goes. Cole is so long/tall he is wearing 4T shirts which cover his torso but also are long on his arms (hence his arms are covered all day). I pick him up as usual, let him climb into his car seat, I buckle him in, head home, unbuckle, he climbs out on his own, we play outside for 25 minutes or so until I smell poop. He refuses to come inside, so I am forced to pick him up. As I do so, my hand touches his arm which is literally red hot. Before I even go any further, my mom panic button goes off. I push up his sleeve to find his little lean arm the size of Pop-Eye proportions, all red, hot and hard. The "mosquito" bite I saw earlier that day is now shiny and prominent. I quickly change him, take his temp (low grade) and call the pediatrician's office, but of course 5 minutes after they close so I have to go through the after hours service. Luckily, everyone was still at the office, so I got a call right back, the nurse after listening to my description immediately puts a doctor on who within 1 minute of my describing once again, sends us to Children's Hospital. He warns me to pack an overnight bag because it thinks Cole has cellulitis. Dave had just flown in from Las Vegas, he hustles home in rush hour traffic as I find someone to walk Tucker, back Cole's bag and my bag and try not to throw up.

We get to the hospital and check in. The triage nurse takes one glance at him and says "yep, that is cellulitis". I then say, "okay, so what are next steps". She says, "oh that is pretty bad so we'll be admitting him to go on IV antibiotics and to monitor the infection". *GULP* *HOLD BACK TEARS* *GLANCE AT MY HUSBAND* *GULP* *HOLD BACK TEARS*...we get moved to a holding room, where the pediatric ER doctor comes in and says the same thing...takes a sharpie to Cole's arm to outline the redness as he says it will expand *GREAT*. It takes two nurses and Dave and I to hold Cole down to get his IV in. *SWALLOWING HARD*. I leave the room after that to have my moment. We get admitted upstairs, Cole wants freedom but is now tethered to the IV which tangles like Christmas tree lights just by a quick turn on Cole's part. He doesn't want anything to do with anyone, all these strangers entering his room, trying to take his temperature, blood pressure, oxygen level...he finally crashes, it takes me 2 hours to drift off as I share a bed with him...nurses come in every four hours during the night for vitals check... residents come in to outline the growing redness. They think his bite is actually a spider bite as upon better inspection (now that he is asleep and not writhing around) they can see two holes not one (as a mosquito would be). The hardness gets better overnight which is a good sign. His blood work comes back much better. The swelling and redness continue. They determine that he is also having an allergic reaction to the bite. So they give Cole IV benadryl which is supposed to knock kids out...yeah, not my kid. It makes him feistier than all get out. He sets off the alarms with his restlessness it seems every 15 minutes. I'm sure the nurses station was cursing at the constant attention that Room 6120 needed.

By mid-morning, the infection was subsiding and they were going to send us home in the afternoon with oral meds. I was so relieved because I couldn't imagine another evening spent there (though our room did have a view of downtown) with my little scared energetic son who just wanted to go home. The swelling lasted another few days and the redness dissipated too but now everytime he gets a bite, I'm going to worry as they say he is prone to this because of his skin sensitivity. I refuse to keep him in a bubble as he so loves the outdoors but I will do my best to protect him as I can. He runs away everytime I try to slather him in lemongrass oil or cover the bites he has so he won't scratch at them. When the bites swell and get red as I know they will do I will be like a solider on watch, waiting for a signal that we have moved into the danger zone.

Magic of Mother Nature...

Cole and I walk Tucker everyday, and just like the postman, regardless of the weather. Our city dog refuses to relieve himself in our yard since he was trained as a pup on the streets of Washington, DC to "get busy" when he was walked in the city parks. He knows no other way despite our efforts to try when we experienced our first sub zero winter. The upside is that we have a beautiful lawn free of yellow spots and we get lots of exercise. We have walked in downpours, in pelting snow, through blustery winds and blinding heat as well as on dewy mornings, with refreshing breezes and warm sunshine. Just as Tucker gets excited at the mere mention of the word "walk" so does Cole. Both of them teach me that the same old daily walk isn't the same old daily walk at all. Each day (and walk) holds potential for experiencing new things.

We typically take one of five familiar trails. Since our winter snows melted this past spring Cole's favorite trek NOW is the one that takes us on the dirt path in the woods. Our walk begins on the asphalt footpath that winds through the trees and connects the two parks that are blinking distance from our front door.

Before the leafy foliage grew back in late May, the dirt path off the walking trail was easily found and one day on our normal loop, Cole darted off towards it pointing and saying "Go this way?" I had never taken him on the dirt path before because last fall it would have been above his skill level with roots to trip over, trees to climb over and branches to maneuver around, however six months later, I knew he was ready for the challenge. I whistled for Tucker who had continued down our normal route and he looked back at me with an expression (I swear) that said "oh boy, this should be interesting".

Cole hesitated initially as I stepped forward and said "come on, let's go". Despite the fact that he had initiated this adventure he now dropped his head taking a second thought about it. After some prodding, he cautiously forged ahead. As always I wanted to foster his independence and curiosity so I let him go at his own pace, keeping a healthy distance behind him. I could see him absorbing the difference a narrow path made of dirt felt to him as he carefully stepped along. He was wide eyed at this new perspective & I felt a thrill as he obviously was in wonderment of what was now surrounding him. He kept looking back to ensure I was within sight and I reassured him with a smile and a "I'm here". At this point, Tucker came bounding up and Cole seemed to lose some of his inhibitions. He followed Tucker who was more than glad to act as the lead, checking back occasionally with a wag of his tail as if to say "follow me kid, the woods are great".

We winded our way past the huge walnut trees still stark and bare (remember this was late April). Twigs and fallen branches snapped under our weight. As Cole got comfortable, he got excited at finding rocks, rotting trees and he kept pointing at the birds who had come back a wee early but were chirping loudly at our invasion into their woods. Ice clung to some of the lower spots and as any boy would do, he ran to step on them to hear the crunch under his feet. When Tucker would get too far ahead, he would yell "Ucker Come" in the same firm voice he has heard me use to get our canine's attention.

The trail works its way back to the paved road not far from the open fields. As he touched the macadam, he yelled "I did it" with such a beaming smile on his face, that it brought tears to my eyes. He was so proud and cognizant that he had done something new!

It is now near impossible, unless I avoid this area altogether, to get Cole to take anything but the wooded path. He now cruises along, running most of the time, tripping occasionally in his haste to reach the mid point which is the biggest walnut tree of all, in a V-shape that he hides behind waiting to "scare" me as I catch up. The ferns and bushes have grown way above his waist now and though the trail is apparent it isn't used often enough to not have quite a bit of new growth to meander through. It doesn't seem to faze him that cobwebs tangle in his hair, I see him paw at his face haphazardly and I know this because I feel their silky strands brush my skin. Inch worms dangle from the trees and drop onto us (he does get a little freaked out about this) but I take the time to hold them in my hand and let him watch them inch about. We carefully put them in the grass and move on.

He stops to look at the wild "urple" flowers and wild berries. He stops cold when he hears the squirrels, chipmunks, and bunnies scurry away from his pounding feet, looks at me and says "what that?" Tucker darts into the thick of the woods sometimes and Cole gets concerned when he can't see him and then says "YEAH" when he returns back with leafy remnants stuck to his wet nose. The sunlight filters through the towering trees creating streaming rays, other places remain in the dark shadows. You can feel the pockets of warm dense air penetrated by a rush of cool damp air. So many sensory stimuli that I am reminded of as I slow down and watch my son experience the magic of mother nature.

My cheerful chatterbox...

I swear one day a few weeks back as he slept, some vocabulary fairy came and filled my son's brain with the dictionary because honestly Cole woke up one morning and started coherently chattering in almost complete sentences, speaking words I had never heard him use before.

He has been such a physical child that his language development has been playing catch up. Cole crawled, walked, climbed, ran, jumped, and mastered just about every other active movement way ahead of schedule. People routinely think he is older than he is by the way he adeptly maneuvers around the playground. It wasn't until they would ask him "how old are you?" or "what is your name", that either no response came or a garbled, babbled, only a mother could decipher reply issued from his lips.

Now, my little chatterbox can't seem to get enough of conversation. In previous weeks, he would just say the last word in a phrase of a song, or particular letters of the alphabet, he now in tune and on pitch with the melody sings a vast array of his favorite songs. He counts from 1-10 clearly without hesitation, can state the alphabet with only a few omissions, neatly parrots back everything he hears and thoroughly enjoys baffling his mother by remarking "fire trucks are taking a nap in their house" as we pass the fire station with their doors closed...WHAT? Just a month ago, it was simply "FIRETRUCKS FIRETRUCKS" shouted excitedly.

It is fascinating to watch and listen to him as he realizes his own increased communication abilities. However, not all is peachy with this greater word acquisition, his new power has also created a bit of a feistier personality so now time outs are a daily part of the routine when he gets himself in a pickle for being sassy after declaring "No Mommy, you go away over there" along with his hand out in stop fashion to my face.

Memorable Mentionables for May...

Seriously, I wish I could say I slept through the last four weeks, which we all know would have been an impossibility with my little non-sleeping rascal (though he has slept through the night probably 1/3 of the past month which is progress) considering it is the last day of May and I have literally NO IDEA how 31 days passed by in such the proverbial blink of an eye. It is however, whether I can believe it or not, the eve to the start of another month.

It is so strange how time passing seems to speed up exponentially once the weather becomes delightful. The days are filled with more hours of natural light so in actuality they should seem longer because they ARE longer (well not 25 hours vs 24 hours but you know what I mean). I feel like it is 10pm (bedtime for me) before I have even caught my breath from a day of GO GO GO GO!

Anyhow, the daily quota of fresh air that Cole can now absorb just fuels his already high octane energy level. He has always been full of spirit and life but WOW, has the last month proven he has decided to dial up those channels a notch (or more). He is going through shoes faster than the Olympic track team!

Here are some of the memorable mentionables from the world of Cole this past month (I don't think "mentionables" is a word but I'm using it because it goes with my multiple "M" title theme).

Typically when we put Cole down for a nap or to sleep at night, he is engaged with some truck/car/train. Sometimes, he readily puts it away, other times, he carries it up to his room and places it by his bed. I sing (for naps) or we read (at bedtime) and then lights out. Awhile back we bought Cole a sea turtle that throws blue & green stars on the walls and ceiling. He was having such a hard time winding down, we thought maybe this would help him focus and relax. Once he got through a week of wanting to push the ON/OFF switch multiple (50 or so) times, he began to enjoy the stars and the moon and would fall into a more calming state. The sea turtle has an automatic timer that shuts it off after 20 minutes. Cole takes longer to fall asleep than 20 minutes, so to keep him from getting up and playing with the buttons to start it all over, I said one day (trying to keep an even tone as I frustratingly just wanted him to fall asleep for crying out loud), "the stars are taking a nap now so now it is Cole's turn to take a nap". I said it JUST that one time, and that night, sure enough when the timer went off, "Mommy, stars taking a nap?"...I replied, "yes". And since then, anytime anything shuts off (or runs out of batteries), "(insert object) _____ taking a nap?"

Having lived in Boston for 8 years, I adopted a Bostonian way of driving. That is mandatory skill development since you learn VERY quickly that you cannot be a hesitant or passive motor vehicle operator while navigating the streets of Beantown. Hence, I also acquired quite an impressive collection of automobile citations, ALL warnings, not one a real ticket (back then, I could still talk my way out of a paper bag & had a lot of LUCK on my side). I also "picked up" quite the sailor's vocabulary. I certainly could cuss before my days living in MA but I became quite fond of 4-letter words when behind the wheel. Being a mom to a little parrot named Cole has scared me stiff into adopting a cleaner driving mouth. I have found no comparable terms for my previously used driving language that releases the tension I still feel when idiots cut me off, switch lanes unexpectedly or box me in but one day in an attempt to find some child-friendly expression, I started saying in a silly voice, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO repetitively when some nut ticked me off. It allowed me to vent my frustration and Cole instantly began laughing out loud, saying "Mommy More"...so I guess I have found my resolution to a potty mouth which keeps my son entertained. If only I can continue to remember to use this BEFORE an F bomb escapes my lips!

I can't remember when Cole began using "YUMS" as his way of articulating he wanted a snack or food but it has been awhile now. Dave and I try to eat out with him a few times a month. Out of the blue, a few weeks back on Mother's Day, we pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant we had never been too. He got all excited and started saying over and over "YUMS, YUMS". He is really good at eating out for about an hour with the help of Dave's IPHONE and the games on it (who knew they had toddler game applications). He flirts with the waitresses (the only people he doesn't seem to have stranger anxiety with) and loves straws. We have been out to eat several times since and Cole routinely uses some variation of phrasing with "YUMS" whenever we say we are going to a restaurant. Typically as we depart, he looks back at the building, waves and says "BYE BYE YUMS".


Cole's Montessori lead teacher passed along this cute tidbit...he typically is FIRST amongst his toddler peers (WHAT???) to fall asleep during nap time BUT he doesn't sleep for long in comparsion so he wakes up and looks around at all his other sleeping friends and very quietly gets up and puts his mat away. He then sits and reads books contentedly ever watchful for motion in the nap room and as soon as someone wakes up, he begins clapping and saying YEAH!! He gets so excited that someone is ready to play. His teachers just love watching him watching the others, just patiently waiting.

And last but most humbling to this mom...I say "I love you Cole (or I love you Pickles which has been my nickname for him since birth) as often as I can. Previously, he would acknowledge my sentiment with a nod or a smile. Recently, I'm lucky if I receive anything other than "YEAH, THANKS" in reply. Am I already losing my sweet little rascal to the unavoidable throes of boyhood, where his mother's "I LOVE YOU's" are embarassing? I don't think so but it certainly makes me cherish the hugs and snuggles I get even more since I know those days are dawning!

Until next month...

Potty training...Phase 2

It has been four months since I last gave an update about any movement (pun intended) with Cole's potty habits. He pretty much lost any interest he had had with the loo so I have just left his potty seat collecting dust in the corner of our bathroom. If there is one thing I know about my son it is NOT to push the envelope with this training. He certainly has a mind of his own and pressure does not sit well with his personality. The last thing I need is to still be coaxing him to the toilet past three years of age so I have to be careful to pick the right time to re-introduce the concept.

That said, and having given him a pass these past few months, it is time again to revisit what it would take to make him curious and willing to sit up on the throne.

I think my tactic will be to try and let him go nakkkkked around the house (thank goodness once again for our steam cleaner) the four days in a row that I have him home with me. Being the intrepid researcher and reader of toddler behavior that I am, I have concluded that his go go go go go go a mile a minute, can't stop, must keep moving mentality has just limited him from the awareness it takes to actually realize that he needs to GO! He pees in the tub and watches it stream, so I think letting him just be free from Pull Ups to see the peeing happening randomly might (please please) heighten his consciousness of what is going on and the importance of getting to the potty pronto! I'll need eyes in the back of head for roughly 96 hours but that is how it must be! The going #2s is bound to create a mess but maybe that will be the catalyst (along with making a game of running to the potty, "quick quick, beat Mommy to the potty" kind of thing) to make some inroads.

Obviously, some sort of fun and motivating HURRAY, YIPPEE, GOOD JOB treat must follow as continual incentive (songs and praise won't cut it with Cole as being nearly enough for following up) so his fascination with his Easter PEZ dispenser could serve as the perfect "gold star" along with some cool CARS underpants!

I'll let you know how things go...I can't avoid the fact that he needs to go potty regularly on his own before he can move up to the pre-school classroom at Montessori this fall nor can I be less than honest in that I'm tired of tackling him to change a diaper. I know full well that accidents will happen often, that they will happen at the least appropriate times and that my laundry duties will increase threefold but it is a rite of passage for both of us & one I would gladly like to see happen ASAP.

Thank you...

It is my third Mother's Day today!! Each year not just on this day but in general, I find myself more profoundly amazed at how motherhood continues to shape me in ways I could have never imagined. At 37 1/2 years, I know I have been lucky to experience many many life altering changes but this journey of being a mom surely is the most defining to date. The dynamic nature and unpredictability of being a parent is just out of the realm of description.

I have been awed by abilities, behaviors & instinctual skills I never knew I could possess; but at times I am spooked by the raw emotion that gurgles up to the surface. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever worked at, and the road trip has just truly begun, with a million more miles to travel. That reality is exhilarating and exhausting but I truly embrace it (well, 95% of the time) and always remember how privileged I am as I listen to Cole's sleeping breath,watch his soulful eyes engage with mine or as I encounter his zest and energy for the every day.

As he playfully crashes into me with his trucks or in a drowsy state, pulls my arms around his little body, I smile to myself and silently say "thank you"...

Amusing anecdotes for April...

As I mentioned in my previous post, it is just a struggle to find 40 or so free minutes to write/edit a post every 7 or so days. I always think of great things to write about as they are happening and even go so far as to jot them down on a legal pad on my desk or in the notebook I carry in my bag because I want to be sure to capture and remember Cole's (and mine as a mother) formative years but actually sitting down to compose somewhat cohesive, witty and relatively succinct script each week has just proven to be a challenge under the constraints of my new schedule.

I will create longer entries when the stars align allowing me the ample time I desire to write but in the interim, I thought I would share some of the entertaining tidbits that Cole is dishing out these days.

He seems to have acquired a wee bit of the Irish in his gait as of late. He'll be running full tilt and all of a sudden do this little hop step where his feet come together like a leprechaun and then off he continues to race. It is his funniest quirk to date.

Cole still exhibits stranger anxiety. Any new people or interactions typically send him burying his head into my arms/legs. He warms up eventually or when you walk away, he gladly says "bye bye". However, he is always friendly with inanimate objects such as trees, cars, slides, rocks, and most recently dirt. He says "Hi Dirt" with such excitement as if he is greeting me or Dave and then gives the dirt piles a glance over his shoulder as we pass along with his lilting voice exclaiming "bye bye dirt".

He is the messiest eater this side of toddlerdom but when he eventually realizes the complete sticky chaos around him he wigs out and holds up his hands as if they are on fire. He fights me still on wiping his face but at least he has clean hands some of the time. Dirty hands don't seem to faze him, just gummy, tacky ones. So picture this, he wants a rice crispy treat, I give him one and he walks away. As the warmth from his hands softens the texture, he obviously decides to remedy the situation by grabbing a tissue and wrapping it around the treat. Then I begin to hear him whining and I find him with this incredulous look on his face as he shows me his issue. The fine tissue has now fused itself to every nook and cranny of the rice crispy treat. He won't allow me to give him a new one, he wants this original one. So there I was picking off finite pieces of tissue from a gooey rice crispy treat with him watching my every move (just in case I might try a substitution or some silly move like that). I hand it back to him with minuscule traces of tissue and he hands it back. I then pry off the remaining bits with rice crispy residue now under my fingernails and he happily pops the entire thing into his mouth and smiles.

Me, only a bit more mellow...

Since starting my part-time gig almost 8 weeks ago, I have found it more and more difficult to set aside "quiet" time to BLOG. There is very little "quiet" time in this house but I used to at least get the better part of two hours on a good day while Cole napped to rush around completing TO-Do's, along with running errands and getting some household chores accomplished while my little rascal tagged along or supervised (or in full disclosure, just created a bigger mess somewhere else in the house while he went unsupervised).

Now, I am working three days a week, I have fewer "free" hours to fit in grocery shopping, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning, bill paying, budgeting, vacuuming, dog walking, the post office, the dry cleaners, the library, vacuuming (you can tell it is spring when Tucker sheds and I literally have to vacuum every day), and so on.

I don't know how moms work full time, raise a child(ren) and run a household. People tell me often how nice the house always looks and how organized I am. I cook or at least prep dinner five nights a week. Dave never has to rummage looking for a clean shirt or socks. I am proud that I run a tight and relatively upright ship (and a clean one) but it is because there are so many things out of my realm of control now that I am a parent to a toddler that those things that do remain under my authority and management have to be just so. Thus, I prefer to leave and enter a "quiet" and clutter free home. It is just my thing and my husband stopped questioning my motives long ago!

Anyone who knows me well, knows however, that becoming a mom has certainly mellowed my Type A ways. I used to go as far as to turn labels facing out on items in my refrigerator (though I still tend to do it with things in my cabinets) and alphabetized my CDs and books (which I no longer do probably because we don't listen to CDs anymore and my book collection has waned the past 2.4 years). I don't obsess about dust bunnies as much as I do dirty paw prints on my floor or dishes in the sink. I shrug when Cole's hands become filthy or he picks up food from the floor (which is actually rare since Tucker has dibs on those) but I detest a snotty laced face, it literally makes me cringe.

The mess Cole makes when he eats is, well overwhelming, but just getting him to eat takes all my patience and energy so I don't fret over the slovenly manner in which he chooses to go about his meals. I used to care more about wiping up EVERY speck after EVERY meal but over time I now let a few days go by before I chisel the dried jello and dribbled ketchup glue from off the mat beneath his chair (hey at least I had the sense to buy a replaceable mat). I do loathe little people hand prints and dog nose smudges on my glass doors and thus you can find me carrying around a bottle of vinegar (I've gone GREEN) nightly to rid glass surfaces and door jams of sticky little finger residue and slobber.

I don't have major piles of anything on my desk (other than books & magazines which I doubt I will ever get around to reading). However, I do have a tendency to accumulate and overstock our basement storage shelves and chest freezer with enough "stuff" to feed us all for a month should we ever be held captive in our house because the entry doors freeze shut (ha, you laugh but our garage door froze shut this past January).

I do make our beds every morning before going downstairs but I don't mop the floor everyday like I used too. I do stack full outfits (top/pants/socks) in Cole's closet for two weeks at a time (just in case I die, he'll match for at least that amount of time) but in all honesty I started doing that because when we have accidents, I just whip a new set off the shelf since Cole doesn't hold still for more than 10 seconds and I don't feel like chasing his naked bum around while accidents typically occur when we are already running late for somewhere (another thing I hate to be is late).

The morale of this post is that I believe that though I still hold high standards for portions of my life, becoming a mom has taught me to let go of many of them and just enjoy the moments. If that means laughing to myself as my son hands me a half-chewed gooey graham cracker at a play date and I without a napkin pop it in my mouth to dispose of it or if it means rolling with it as he licks the sidewalk chalk off his hands before I can stop him, well then, I've already done that and it wasn't the end of the world for me (or for Cole).

Whew...I didn't think I'd make it!

I really and truly thought I would need to go into the "gone batty" asylum as winter here in Minnesota was like nothing I had ever experienced before. We certainly got away with our first winter here (2007-2008) as only a handful of days (11 to be exact) went below and stayed below zero. The winter of 2008-2009 we had 42 days of subzero temperatures, 12 of those -10 or higher. The other 3 months it barely got above 15 degrees and when it would get into the 20s, it was like WHOO HOO, you almost left the house without your jacket!!

The four walls of this house began to close in on Cole and I about mid-February despite my coordinating playdates for him (and me) and hosting 6 toddlers at our house every Monday afternoon. We had art class and music class and rec center time but there are still a lot of hours to fill in a day when you can't be outside. We had a good deal of snow but sadly, we didn't sled much either because it was just too cold and frustratingly, they just don't make good gloves for toddlers. I found great gear for him for next year but Cole's hands were still just too small this year and his poor fingers became icicles because nothing was lined (believe me I searched high and low and bought 6 pairs so he could double up because we lose them much like we do socks).

Anyway, we mustered through 6 more weeks of winter and finally are scarf and hat FREE (though it has taken about 2 weeks for Cole to NOT automatically put on his fleece hat each time we leave the house. We spend afternoons after work/school out in the yard, absorbing the warm sunshine and the earthy breeze. It still gets chilly at night but the lilac bush has buds and the grass is greening up.

Cole is all about dirt and rocks now and is filthy from head to toe each evening but I love that he loves nature. We keep finding ladybugs (which are good luck I've been told), we have heard the woodpeckers in the park, the birds are back chirping and there is a bunny living under our deck (we had bunnies last spring so she is probably back). Why she picked our fenced yard with Tucker roaming around I don't know but I suspect she knows there are no other predators lurking about.

We do a lot of playground time now and fearless Cole is climbing all over just like the big kids do. I can't believe how much he has changed and grown stronger since the fall. I was shocked as he scrambled up the bars without even glancing in my direction awaiting my assistance as he did 5 months ago! He is already needing me less which is just as it should be but it still causes a lump in my throat as I watch him become less dependent.

So we are getting our Vitamin D fix and glad to have shed the layers of clothes (and the extra 10 minutes it took to get out the door). Hurray it is FINALLY spring!!

Whether it be...

Whether it is because my little rascal is throwing a fit so dramatic it could be worthy of an Oscar; whether it is him flashing his million dollar smile as he splashes in his bath; whether it is the impish grin he throws in my direction as he dashes off for a game of catch-me; whether it be his lowered eyes avoiding my firm reproach as he continues to purposefully and precariously perch himself on the back of the couch; whether it is his predictable cranky mood after his daily nap; whether it is the acrobatic routine before bed that makes me think he was a circus performer in a previous life; whether it is the way he runs to me saying MOMMY in his lilting voice EVERYTIME I pick him up from Montessori; whether it is the fact that he goes full tilt 94% of the day while the other 6% he lollygags when I actually need to him to MOVE; whether it be the way his face lights up when I sing; whether it is that it brings tears to my eyes each time he really hurts himself; whether it is that I feel like a mother bear protecting her young when he gets pushed at the playground; whether it is the fatigue that makes me nauseous at times because he won't sleep through the night; whether it be that I get warm and fuzzy observing Cole hugging Tucker with his arms around his big soft head and Tucker responding with the gentlest nudge of his nose; whether it is the fascination that I feel watching Cole explore himself and his place in this world; whether it is the pure joy that oozes from my pores as I listen to him giggle or whether it is the sound of his breathe and the vulnerability he exudes as he sleeps

Whether it be all of these reasons and an infinite many more, I should always remember and respect that becoming a mother is a privilege like no other.

In like a LION...

It has been as wild and unpredictable around the Denham household as it is in the mighty jungle. So the saying that the month of March comes in like a lion would be very apropos.

Cole has always been strong willed, independently minded and curious. He has tooted to his own proverbial horn since he came into this world BUT he has taken his personality to a whole other stratosphere these past weeks. We had some hints the past month or so that we were not to escape the TERRIBLE TWOS, however one always has hope. That stated, just about EVERYTHING more often than not has become a struggle:

Eating (he won't), I'm lucky if the child eats 1/8 of everything I put on his plate!

Going to bed (it is like he is in the circus with the acrobatic routine he performs once lights are out)

Staying asleep (he still wakes at least once during the night, if not twice so no wonder I have the continued sleep deprived look I had when he was a newborn)

Getting dressed (he has to be pinned down some times so that I can wrestle with him to get his clothes on; same goes for diaper changes)

Getting out the door ( he runs around the house until I finally grab him and once again wrestle with him to get his jacket on though I must give him kudos for putting on his own hat and gloves)

Getting into the car (he races around the backyard or the garage pad because I am normally weighed down like a pack mule and can't carry his 30lbs and everything else, so I put everything in the Volvo and have to play chase in cold weather on icy concrete)

Behavior, he has begun PUSHING which is a NO-NO and hence his first time out at school happened last week; he started pushing Tucker and pushing Dave and I away; we obviously are being consistent with our discipline on this; typically it happens at the end of the day (understandable sure, I feel many times like PUSHING since I have had very limited personal space for approximately 810 days but that is why I work out and drink wine).

He also has started with the colossal emotionally charged meltdowns (over his books falling from his hands, Tucker lapping up something he drops, his trains toppling over, sharing ANYTHING with ANYBODY and on and on...) He even has gotten upset several times when I put my now shoulder length hair into a ponytail (MOMMY OFF with such vehemence in his voice as he tugs at my hairband as if I have done him such an offense).

If I can distract him within 1.4 seconds, I can diffuse or soften the tantrum but sometimes I just have to let him have his breakdown, check in with him, letting him know I'm there with a hug. The hardest challenge for me is twofold, I hate to see him so visibly upset with body shuddering and face blotchy and secondly, I become exasperated many times as some fits are over something specific that he can't communicate to me though he tries his darnedest repeating unintelligible toddler speak over and over in sheer frustration. I as his mom should just be able to figure his needs out (Yes, I am supposed to be a mindreader!!)

So onward march (or March) as we forge ahead with hopes that the Denhams can come OUT like a lamb by month's end!