The Negotiator....

For Cole's 5th birthday, he got a 4-gallon BiOrb fish tank and got to pick out two fish for it. I had done intense research (of course) about the various tanks. I had to weigh in several factors including the major one which was the limited space he had in his room for it. I was drawn to the Baby BiOrb (the picture above is it but not Cole's specifically) for its aesthetic appeal and I had read a ton of reviews about its ease of cleaning which knowing I'd be the one responsible for this task sealed the deal. It had room for decorative features and a cool subtle nightlight which would allow Cole to watch his fish once lights were out each evening.

Gigi and Pop Pop were in town for his birthday and were witness to Cole opening up the box the day before to set the tank up and fill it to allow for the water to filter for 24 hours before bringing its new occupants home. We headed off to the pet store the next day and we learned a lot in 20 minutes about what types of fish worked well together, what ones didn't grow much, which ones did well in cooler water and which ones had a relatively longer life span. Cole picked out two Platys and named them Duggan and Scout (he couldn't come up with names so he asked mom for help. Both of those names were on our list when we tossed around monikers for Tucker years ago).

We allowed Duggan and Scout to acclimate and also set up a heater for the tank learning that the water had to be around 70 degrees. We keep our house 60-65 degrees during the day in the winter so not having a heater wasn't an option. Cole's new friends were bit sluggish the first 48 hours and I kept anxiously checking on them but the shock wore off and they were darting around by day 3. Cole was very excited to feed them each day.

Sadly on day 18 (3 days past the pet store warranty), I found Duggan at the bottom of tank. Duggan was fine at 4pm but not so by 6:30pm. I always thought deceased fish floated to the top and then learned that they sink initially. "Oh boy", I thought when the reality of the discussion that was forthcoming flooded my brain. I softly told Cole that something had happened to Duggan. The look on his face as he raced into his room brought tears to my eyes. I told him that Duggan had died and that we needed to get him out of the tank. He ran from his room, with tears running down his face. After putting Duggan in a cup, I went out to Cole to comfort him. He said he wanted to bury him and I explained that Duggan loved the water so it might be better to flush him. Cole yelled out "no, mommy, he'll go to where the poopy goes". I wasn't sure how to reply to that so I just said "well buddy, yes technically that is true but he'll eventually make it out to open water". We waited for Dave to come home and Cole didn't want to be there for Duggan's "ceremony" so quietly Duggan went.

I had told Cole that we could get another fish as he was worried that Scout was lonely. So we headed back to the pet store two days later. On the car ride over, Cole began peppering me with "hey mom, can I get two more fish?". I said "no, we just need to replace Duggan, okay". I could see him pondering my response carefully as I glanced at him in the rear view mirror. As we pulled into the parking lot, he pipes up "so, Mom, I think we need to get two more fish because what if Scout needs to take a rest and the new Duggan wants to play. If I had three fish then someone would always want to play. So what do you think about that!?"

We walked out with a "new" Duggan and his pal Henry. :-)

Twas the Night...

I love that Cole has embraced things about the Christmas season (other than the promise of gifts)that are more meaningful.

We started doing advent calendars when he was three and each year he gets so excited to hang it on the refrigerator and wake up each morning to open the daily "door". It is the FIRST thing he does for those 24 days.

He also is enamored with the magic of our Christmas tree and much like me, loves to turn off the house lights and sit in the chair admiring the simple white lights of our tree. This year he was very much wanting to make his own ornaments and giddy to hang them.

During the holidays, we also find Christmas books and stories to read on our weekly trip to the library. This year we took out a fantastically illustrated edition of "Twas the Night Before Christmas". We began reading it days after Thanksgiving and by mid-December Cole knew the story verbatim. He wanted to "read" it to us each evening and one night as he began to recite in his lilting voice, I captured it on video.

Half a decade!!

My little pickle is growing up. He turned five on December 6. To think he has been in my life for half a decade is really quite astounding! The years certainly seem to be passing more rapidly than I can keep up with.

Cole had a great birthday weekend with a party at THE WORKS with 8 of his friends; this place was a hands-on kid's engineering museum for his age group. GIGI and POP POP were in town for the fun as well as for his birthday fete at Montessori and birthday dinner at Salut, sparklers and all! Cole got a 4-gallon fish tank and some new friends for it as his gift from us.

It was a terrific few days of celebrating. He is already talking about his party "when I turn six". As a kid you always want time to go faster, as a parent, all I want is for time to slow down.

Farmer's hours...

Cole has ALWAYS needed less sleep than the average kiddo. He has his great grandpa Roger's genes it seems! As far back as his wee early days, Cole has just been go go go! He had colic for four months and would cry all day, luckily my only saving grace was that he did crash hard when he finally decided to and to this day this holds true, he goes full throttle and then BAM.

He has also ALWAYs been an early riser. From ages 15-32 months, he was up between 4-4:30 am every morning! Dave and I tried everything but Cole was awake and ready to start his day. We took turns getting up with him so the other could sleep, however, after years of this schedule, my brain is now hardwired to Cole's hours and despite my body's desire to crawl back into bed, my brain is firing at the same crazy hour. Cole at five years old still arises all chipper and wanting to play way before the sun comes up, it is an odd morning when we get beyond 6am.He dropped naps altogether around 3 years old though without fail he will still fall asleep in the car in the late afternoon and on the boat, the motion lulling him into dreamland.

As for bedtime, that has always been a bit of a struggle as well despite a structured routine. He just can't get his mind to slow down. After quiet time reading books for 15 minutes each evening he is still revved up. He moves and shifts and kicks and is in and out of the covers and rolling this way and that way. We can hear him shuffling around and have to typically lay with him for some time to ensure he settles down.

One night recently, he came out into the hallway and says to me with exasperation "mom, how do I make my head sleepy?" As I scooped him up with his tired eyes he goes "I counted sheep like it said in my book but I got to a hundred million already".

I know someday I will be beating on his door to wake him up as he misses the school bus, sleeping as a teenager will but until then, my little farmer remains.

I'm thankful for...

We have been talking to Cole about being thankful for all the things he has in his life and attempting to get him to grasp that many kids his age don't have food and a house let alone a playroom full of toys. It is a lot to ask of a 5 year old to comprehend anything other than what is "normal" to him but it is important that we try. He is learning about gratitude at Montessori school as well.

So each night before bed, I've been asking him about the things he is grateful for. At first he was like "I don't know..." but with just a little prompting, he picked five things the first night. We repeated those things the next night and then I told him that we would choose ten things the following evening. We then repeated those ten things after reading books the next night and moved onto fifteen working our way up to 20 things.

He was excited about his list and yet I didn't want it to become a game so I reminded him why he was being asked to grow his list every other evening. Two days before Thanksgiving Cole came down with the stomach flu and as I laid with him the first night between bouts of vomiting, he turned to me in his weakened state and said "mom, I'm not very thankful that my tummy is sick." I hugged him close and agreed.

Here are the things that made Cole's "20 Things I'm Grateful/Thankful For" List:

Daddy
Mommy
Tucker
My toys
My friends
Max (his new sea lion stuffed animal)
Target Field (where the Twins play)
Airplanes
Our trip to Oregon and San Francisco
My books
Chocolate milk
Mac N Cheese
Hugs
Tickles
Daddy's big phone
Bubble Baths
Talking to Daddy on the phone when he is away
Snow
My boots
Smiles

Inaugural sled ride of winter 2011-2012

This will be our FIFTH winter season here in Minnesota. We have acclimated pretty well and have a closet full of down jackets and a wardrobe of boots to prove it. I've learned to purchase snowpants, hats, gloves, heavy socks and long underwear in late summer since winter tends to arrive quickly and without much notice. I was prepared this year when the flurries began to fly. We had our first decent snow mid-month and Cole couldn't wait to hit the sledding hill near our house. The ground is barely covered in the video below but for a few scant inches but in two months it will be covered with feet of snow. Another long winter looms but we certainly will make the most it, that is what Minnesotans do!

Cole quotations...

Cole continues to charm us with his "collectible quotes" as I call them. Here are some that I have written down from the past several weeks!

As Dave and Cole are goofing around "wrestling" on the couch, Dave goes in for the sneak tickle attack; between bursts of laughter, Cole blurts out breathless "Daddy stop tickling me, I don't want to run out of giggles".

Cole often uses the word "actually" especially when pointing out something I've been incorrect about (which is subjective of course :-)) such as stating "actually mom, you said that I only had to eat some of my cheese" which is a literal interpretation when I said exasperated as I glanced as his plate after 30 minutes and saw 75% of his food remaining "Cole, please eat some of your cheese". I guess I "actually" should have told him "Cole, please eat your entire cheese stick".

When I realized that Cole was somehow wearing more chocolate pudding than I think went into his tummy, I laughed and said "what happened here, did the pudding explode?". With comedic delivery and a wry smile he looks at me and then at his shirt and the back of his hands and goes "huh, how did the pudding walk all over me!?"

Lately, Cole has taken to saying the following when he is very excited about something "I can't even hold my breath anymore".

Oregon...

The three of us got to head out to the left coast earlier this month for a short visit with G'ma Tootie, G'pa Fox, Great G'ma Coleson and of course the menagerie at the Fox Farm. It is rainy season but we were lucky to see the sun peek its head out several times. The Pacific Ocean and its rocky coastline never disappoints no matter the weather.

I thought for this post, I would just write in a fashion similar to a stream, where I just let the memories of this trip dribble out and flow along.

Pretzels and cookies for an excited Cole at Delta Sky Club; seeing the snow over the Bitteroot Mountains from high above; meeting the Hood family on the concourse at Portland Int'l as they headed east; G'ma Tootie's snack bag for our road trip; lunch at the air museum on the long ride down to Seal Rock; the hundreds of logging trucks; a glimpse of the Pacific Ocean then BAM there it is, memorized again by its rugged beauty; Violet and Cole becoming fast friends; Lily petrified of her new young guest; G'ma Tootie's treasure chest of goodies for Cole; visit #1 with G'ma Margie; lunch at Rogue Brewery; Cole feeding Coach the rabbit; walk on the beach exploring tide pools and having the rising tide get Cole wet; driving over the bridge in Newport and seeing the HUGE NOAA ships; the barking seals on the docks; the fishing boats in the harbour; lunch down in Waldport at the dive bar; the burn pile at the farm started just as it began to pour; making a tractor cake; happy dances; first sleepover for Cole, first night alone for Dave and I in five years; fancy dinner then breakfast along the harbour front; a walk through the Oregon Coast Aquarium (watched MAX the sea lion get fed); visit #2 and lunch with Great G'ma Coleson; good-bye to the coast and our loved ones; back on the plane heading home.

A collection of Cole's recent one-liners...

Cole's witty quips continue to accumulate. I find myself laughing hysterically, sometimes inappropriately, since his delivery is truly comical. It is as if he is consciously trying to be funny by his choice of words and affectations which are not at all childish or silly. Here is the latest compilation:

As we rush to the bathroom in any one of numerous public venues, I am telling him that he shouldn't wait to the last minute. He races in, not even bothering to close the door and barely gets his pants down before his stream escapes. I (and anyone else in the restroom) hears him go "ahhhh, that is so much better!".

Cole loves to play hotel these days. It began shortly after our stay in one in San Francisco. He gets our spare keys and his little computer and likes to check you in and show you to your room. He began asking standard questions, like "would you like a room with a view?" and "how many nights will you be staying with us?". Over the weeks, he has generated quite a series of questions, so checking-in is quite the process. I asked him if he would carry my suitcase one morning and he replied "no, you can do that yourself, it isn't mine", he then turned and smiled as I frowned "well lady that is the truth!"

Walking through the woods with Tucker a few weeks ago, the trees were shedding their leaves. Cole said he didn't remember why the trees had to lose their leaves and I answered "the trees need to save their energy during the winter to stay warm so they lose their leaves so that they don't have to supply energy to them, just to their core trunk and branches and then in the spring, the leaves will grow back". He retorts "well mom, that isn't very nice that they make the leaves die so that they can sleep!"

198 Posts and counting...

It has been four years since I sat down one afternoon in October 2007 as Cole napped and began this blog. Now incredibly, 198 posts later, I find myself full of pride as I review those original entries and reflect back to a time when I was a fledgling mother. I can feel the anxiety, the excitement, the fatigue, the joy and the overwhelming fear of the unknown ooze from my words. As I continue to read, I "hear" more confidence as well as more confusion. The pride I speak of as I read through these 198 posts is more about how much I realize (much in retrospect) how I have slowly grown into my "mom" shoes. Much like breaking in a new pair of running shoes, I felt out of step and off my pace when I became Cole's mom, I was on a path never traveled and without direction; so many times I felt lost and exhausted. However, I have found my groove and rhythm as a parent as best as I can at any given moment and can forge my way comfortably now even when I don't know where I may end up.

As I read through these posts, I was surprised at how diluted and weak many of my memories were and so grateful that I have taken the time to capture them here. I do still vividly remember being constantly challenged by Cole's ability to change "the game" of parenthood and wondering when things might get easier. I finally have conceded as he approaches his fifth birthday that things don't necessarily get easier. Yes, Cole is self-sufficient in hundreds of ways now but his curiosity and queries about the world, people, his emotions and the darker side of life keeps a not so subtle continuous train of thought chugging through my conscience. It is my desire as a parent to ensure I give him enough of a response (or information) during these conversations to be truthful and honest without bestowing my own personal choices or opinions on him. I want to enable Cole to form his own impressions about the aforementioned and that is a tricky and pot-holed filled road. So no, parenthood does not get easier, it continually morphs, ensuring that I have plenty of things to write about in years to come.

Co-Captain...

As I have previously blogged, we have had a wonderful season on our boat TIME OUT. We have been beyond lucky to have had a warm and dry autumn which has allowed our boating time to continue. Cole has gotten quite comfortable "driving" the boat (obviously under our watchful eye and only in quiet bays). This video clip is from late September before he broke his collarbone.

Oh no, NO, Nooooooooooooooo

For the second year in a row, I had volunteered to coordinate Cole's Montessori school photo day. OMS had used a talented photographer in the past to take both headshots of the kiddos for the class composite (as getting 36 preschoolers and 12 toddlers in one large picture together was not even an option, LOL) as well as parents could sign up their child/ren for multiple individual photos. Other parents had taken on the task in previous years and then their kids graduated and though everyone wanted photos no one was up for taking on the project. So I stepped up to the plate last fall since I could and because I knew I was good with details. It was quite the project because many of the parents just simply chose not to follow the instructions. I was literally phoning parents the day of the shoots for payment even though the deadline was clearly the week before. *sigh* Anyway, at least this fall I knew what I had been through and thus adjusted my process. It did simplify things but I still had parents who decided they didn't have to follow it.

Anyway, on day one of the photo shoots it was overcast but the lighting was actually perfect against the autumnal colors in the trees and grasses out back of Cole's school where the photographer was snapping away. I had one mom who helped me out shuttling the kids to and from the classroom, wiping noses, calming down little ones and attempting to keep everyone clean as they waited their turn in front of the camera. I had had to schedule around naps and lunch and fussiness with the wee ones as well as some kids who were there some days but not others. We cruised along that first day even despite a few bouts of misty drizzle. Cole loved having me around and was so excited to get his picture taken the next day having watched some of his classmates ham it up that first day.

Day two dawned with brilliant blue skies. We had a bunch of infants scheduled first thing before they began their first naps. They took a bit more coaxing and we got off schedule. We had quite a few kids to get through before lunch and I was working with the toddler teacher who kept looking at the clock as she was fearful that she would have to push back lunch for her class because she didn't want the kids to get messy. So I was doing my best to get things back on track. Cole was scheduled as one of the last before lunch which was later on the preschool side.

We began catching up and soon I was calling for Cole and two of his classmates. They began running ahead of me out towards Lisa the photographer who was busy with two others. It was a good 250 yards from the playground fence to where she was taking pics. Cole and his buddies were running full tilt when all of a sudden I saw Cole trip and fall. It was one of those slow motion moments for me, kind of like where your eyes see an event happening but your brain lags behind in processing it. It was a millisecond before my synapses fired and I began to sprint towards him because I knew by the way he fell and the fact that he wasn't getting up that something terrible I had just witnessed.

He had rolled to his side and his face was full of panic. By the time I got to him, he was crying out in pain barely sitting up. This is my son, who when he falls, he immediately gets up, dusts himself off and says "I'm okay mom". I couldn't determine at first what he had hurt. He was crying so hard, he couldn't tell me. Then I realized his left shoulder was positioned oddly. The adrenaline was coursing through me and I began to sweat. I was fearful to move him and yet I knew I had too to assess the situation. I picked him up gingerly but he weighs 43 pounds so it wasn't easy to hoof it back to the school. We sat in the grass and I knew in my heart of hearts, he hadn't just knocked the wind out of himself. He began to complain that his "elbow" hurt although he was pointing at his shoulder. So I got him into the car and while Leena his teacher stayed with him, I ran inside to get my things and then ran 250 yards to tell Lisa I was leaving and give her the remainder of the schedule. Then ran 250 yards back to the car; I jumped in and called our pediatrician group to tell them we were on our way. I thought he had dislocated his shoulder. He was sobbing in the back seat; it was awful. I called Dave who was in NYC and told him what I thought was wrong. He was going to try to get on an earlier flight.

I felt nauseous listening to Cole writhe in agony, his face contorted as I kept glancing in the rear view mirror at him as we sailed down Rt. 394. He was inconsolable as I got him gently out of the car and into the doctor's office. They took us right away but because he was so upset, it was difficult to get a physical exam on him. She wasn't sure whether it was his shoulder or collarbone but he definitely needed an x-ray. Cole is not a fan of x-rays having been through this once before, when he broke his right arm bones at 22 months. He began to scream as we attempted to lay him down to get him positioned. It took me 15 minutes to calm him down, my hair and clothes were wet with his tears. I was trying so hard to keep my composure for his sake. I had to leave the room for them to take the x-ray and though it was only for 30 seconds, the same wailing from behind the closed door that I remembered from 3 years ago sent shivers down my spine.

The news wasn't good. He had broken his collarbone and it was slightly angulated so he would need to be seen by the pediatric ortho team over at Gillette Childrens to rule out a need for surgery. She was still concerned about his shoulder as well. Cole had exhausted himself from crying and had fallen asleep in my arms. We were able to get the temporary sling on but I knew before we even left the office that this sling was not enough to keep him from moving his arm. They gave us a script for Vicodin and the number to schedule our appointment in St. Paul. We got home and I felt as if I had run 10 miles. Cole slept on the couch thankfully while I made phone calls. I had a lump in my throat at the prospect that he might need surgery and I already was preparing myself for a long night ahead. Dave got home after dinner time. Cole was doing better with some Vicodin in his system and I had already pinned and clipped the sling since it was sliding around way too much. I knew keeping an almost five year old from being active was going to be near impossible so hoped that the experts had a better way to immobilize him. I was also having concerns about two bone breaks before he was even five. So much was rushing through my head. The only thing that provided me some consolation was that I was THERE when it happened and with him seconds after; he didn't have to wait 20 minutes or more for me to show up and hold him. I was meant to be on-site that day, I don't think it was a coincidence.

It was indeed a long night considering Cole does acrobatics in his sleep. He would wake up almost every hour or two. We headed over to Gillette Childrens the next day. Cole was in better spirits which was a blessing and a curse. He was bopping all over the place, eh gads. Luckily, the doc said he should heal well and fast. She gave us a better fitted immobilizer and wrap and off we went. We will get an updated x-ray on Halloween.

We haven't gotten much sleep this past week and we have all gotten sick to add insult to injury (at least for Cole). He remained at home with me this week allowing the bone to set solidly and he will return to Montessori on Monday with obvious limitations. He has done fantastic adjusting to using just one arm, it is just at night when he rolls around that it bothers him still.

Sadly, he never even got his photo taken but we hope to reschedule that next month once he is free of his immobilizer.

When we asked the ortho doc about his multiple bone breaks, she laughed and said "His bone density looks great! He has just been unlucky. I've spent 10 minutes with him and can tell you that it probably won't be the last time you are here, he is a high energy kid."

I was happy to hear he was healthy but I'd rather roll him in a bubble wrap than have to go through this AGAIN...but that is just not a realistic perspective so I will just have to navigate the perils of parenthood as they pop up on our journey.