Where do I begin?

Here I am on the eve of Cole's first birthday. This past week leading up to tomorrow has be an emotional one for me which I had not anticipated. I knew that this milestone would be an important event, thus so for so many reasons but the feelings that have welled up inside me have surprised me nonetheless.

I have been reading entries from the journal I have kept this year documenting the journey of becoming a parent and mom. I am so thankful that I have been dedicated to keeping my thoughts and memories as they occurred because my mind has somehow already diluted them. I assume the past fades to allow room for the future. Regardless, to read how I felt at various points throughout Cole's first year brought a rush of nostalgia. How is it possible that twelve months have passed since I labored and delivered our son? I do remember so keenly on this exact evening last December as the excitement grew (despite the pain and the unexpectedness of my emergency C-section) as Dave and I anxiously waited to find out what the gender would be of our baby. I had felt from the very day I found out we were pregnant that a little fellow was our destiny but until I heard the words "it's a boy", I could not 100% trust my intuition.

To define the past twelve months would be impossible. There truly are no words or sentiments to sum up what it feels like to welcome a baby into the world and watch it grow and change before your eyes. I have never experienced so many challenges, joys, frustrations or awe inducing moments as I have this past year. Cole has brought to my life a depth and dimension that only can be described as inspiring.

Despite fumbling at times as I navigate motherhood, I am proud, so proud of how I have managed the twists and turns, the curves and jumps, and the peaks and the valleys of Cole's first year. The myriad and dynamic changes to my life has brought me to a new high. The realization that everyday is a new day has taken on greater meaning for me as Cole shares his perspective on the world. It is so easy to take for granted minutes and hours as we as adults become numb and jaded over time. The sheer innocence of an infant came wipe that slate clean and bring a renewed sense of priorities and vision. I am so grateful for the lessons he continues to teach me.

I know he will not have a recollection of his first year but I will never forget it. Happy First Birthday Cole Roger Denham. I love you with all that I am. Thank you for making me a mom.