Too much TV...but

I have always been particular about what Cole watches on TV. Back in my pre-parenting days, I was one of those who said I wouldn't use TV as a babysitter...well, any parent knows how difficult that concept is to keep to in reality...hence, PBS kids or commercial free Noggin are the two channels I will let Cole watch as I clean, shower or attend to email.

He loves Dinosaur Train, Bob the Builder, Wonder Pets, Dora, Max & Ruby and Franklin. Cole can sing the opening songs to any of them and name the characters (he is the first to correct me too when I identify someone incorrectly). Cole gets very upset when Dave and I watch anything else, "I can't watch the news" he groans and whines with such angst. In all honesty, I can sympathize with him in part since the news is less than uplifting 99% of the time.

Anyway, the other day while Cole was playing without the TV on, running back and forth and being the boy that he is, in a state of constant motion, my second kid Tucker was attempting to find a spot away from Cole's activity where he was safe from sudden and quick movements. He does love to sleep on the couch laying on our throws and pillows or Cole's blankets. It upsets Cole when it is something of his because he can't dislodge the article once Tucker settles in. Anyway, Tucker innocently was just being himself and was about to circle around and plop down on Cole's fav blue blanket. Cole in a very shrill voice shrieks, Tucker no swiping, Tucker no swiping...and pulls the blanket out before poor Tucker could lay down. I started laughing...I guess Cole is absorbing a little too much of Dora the Explorer dialogue. However to soften the guilt I feel due to this obvious overindulgence of TV time, he did count to ten in Spanish the other day to my astonishment so I figure he is indeed thankfully learning something from his time in front of the screen.

Happy Third Birthday Pickle!

I remember vividly my first night post-delivery with Cole...Dave had gone home to get some sleep and pick up Tucker from our friends. It was the wee hours of the night and the nurses kept bringing me Cole every 90 minutes or so because he was fussing. He had jaundice so he was attached to the biliblankets making it all the more difficult to maneuver to nurse him while recovering from my C-section. I couldn't get out of bed without quite a bit of cursing and grunting and yet my calls to the nursing station went unanswered so I managed to get myself sideways on the bed holding Cole with one arm, bracing myself on the bed rails, praying I would be able to lift Cole into his bassinet so I could rest. By the time I nursed and they finally came to take him back to the nursery, 90 minutes had almost passed. It was like living in the twilight zone, my mind and body exhausted from labor and now struggling with mending from major surgery. And yet, as much as I dreaded the door opening again on the heels of just moments of sleep, I eagerly (and anxiously) anticipated Cole's return to my arms even more.

Moments of three years ago are etched in my memory. Some more faded than others. However I do vividly recall the first time I called him Pickle. That very same night, alone with him I remember looking at his wrinkled up nose, bruised noggin and puckered lips, he looked like a pickle and hence his nickname was born. I have called him that consistently ever since.

Happy Third Birthday Cole! You will ALWAYS be my little pickle!

My little farmer...

Dave and I have said many times, that Cole has much of his great-grandfather Roger in him. Much like Roger's schedule, Cole has operated on farmer's hours since day one. Three years into his life, he is still an early riser, ready and wanting to play literally from the moment he lifts his head. To see him is like watching someone turn on the switch from a battery-run toy. There is no gradual wake up period, no ease from warm covers or a groggy morning mood, he is up like a shot. He comes bounding into our room every morning and despite our futile attempts to get him to snuggle down for just 30 more minutes, he gives us about 10 minutes to catch up with his chipper morning state. "Come on MOMMY, open your eyes", "Come on Daddy, wake up". He turns on the lights and races around in a frenzy until we finally give in (or give up)!

With his internal clock rising between 5-5:30 am, it is plenty dark this time of year. He recently asked on a cold dark November morning "where is the sun". I replied "the sun is still sleeping, it is not ready to wake up yet, it is too early". With a hearty laugh, Cole says "no its not".

...get up and try again...

Cole has entered the stage of pretend play and it such a joy to listen in and watch from afar. He animatedly talks to his trains as he strings them along on his track, through his set's tunnels and over its bridges. He loves to attempt to put them all together in one long unit and take the tight turns without having them fall over. He knows to slow down but often they still teeter and totter and derail nonetheless. Eight times out of ten he says "Oh NO, they crashed", the other two out of ten times and typically late in the day when his mood is less willing to accept frustrations, he'll scatter the trains in a fit (which I totally feel like doing myself some days when things don't go my way).

Anyway, this morning as he played within earshot of my desk, I heard the trains fall over and him exclaim "Oh no, Thomas you fell...are you okay...get up and try again"...I just about fell off my chair, as those are the exact words (insert Cole for Thomas) that I have used for a long time now when Cole has fallen (at the playground, in the house, in the yard...) I inched my way to his playroom door as he righted his trains and took another go at that tricky curve. He maneuvered them adeptly this time and let them coast down the hill, a huge smile erupting on his face. He then said "see Thomas we did it", he was so proud of himself and so was I.

Ole King Cole...

Ole King Cole (aka The little Prince) was not quite a very merry soul...just shy of three, he didn't enjoy much getting into some get up with a shiny hat...only because I coaxed him with PEZ candy was I able to get him to keep the crown on for pictures...then he forgot about it for a time, only to throw it off once he remembered it again...trying to reason with a pre-schooler about anything out of the norm is an exercise in futility...trying to explain that he must ring the doorbells of strangers, smile, say Trick or Treat, get candy from said strangers, say thank you and venture on happily to the next strange house isn't exactly a task any parent should find a breeze to do just way too many things to ask of a little guy...Cole has had stranger anxiety since birth and here we are as parents asking him to be cute and polite while staring at people he has never seen before...oh well, there is always next year...

Go Forth and Sing No More

Since the night Cole was born, I have sung to him...I have never ever had a very good voice, but for the past 2.5 years, my significantly off-key style suited my little guy just fine. It was the ONLY thing that calmed him during 4 months of colic, restless nursing sessions, during emotional meltdowns, at bedtime as he turned and tossed to settle down, through sicknesses, while in the hospital, and in the recovery room after his surgery. My belting a tune also made him smile during happier everyday occasions like while running errands, driving to and from school, or puttering around the house...I have 80 or so songs on my IPOD that are varying versions of children's classics, ones I know every verse to and that have more playtime than my workout mixes (LOL).

The fact that my inner songstress made my kiddo feel good did wonders for my motherly ego especially when none of my other maternal tools would work. It was a blast when he began singing with me as we belted out DOWN BY THE STATION together.

However, recently Cole has issued me a cease and desist order...anytime I begin singing now, he firmly says, "No Mommy, no singing, Stop...". If I defy his request, he vehemently covers his ears and begins repeating "stop it, stop singing" and runs from the room (if he can).

Another phase, one I cherished for the past 1035 days or so has been shelved. In my life pre-Cole I was extremely reticent about singing in public even in college after imbibing too much and I have never been talked into joining a group at a party when the karaoke machine came out as I knew then I'd never be in tune but motherhood gave me bravado and an opportunity to see if the sound of my voice (out of tune or not) could provide a state of calm for my little guy. Obviously I have not improved my abilities over the course of his life and he is able to now tell me so...This mothering thing is hard on one's ego...I can't wait until he points out the "lines" around my eyes...

The "power" of a pre-schooler....

Cole has a dislike of the wind...he always has...he would squirm in his stroller as an infant/toddler if a strong breeze blew his way and contort his face as if he was being tortured...more recently over the past 5 months he has balked at having the windows open in the car because the wind ruffles his hair which makes him agitated instead of relaxing him as it does the rest of us especially since our season of having open windows is so brief...so we are out walking Tucker tonight with a brisk wind stirring up what is left of the swirling leaves, Cole had been complaining for the 15 minutes we had been walking about the wind and thus walking backwards to avoid it (smart kid but it was slowing us down immensely) and finally he had had enough, he began yelling loudly...NO MORE, STOP WIND...as if a switch had been flipped, the wind ceased...it gave me goose bumps...it was as if a higher order granted the request of my son if only for a short time...without missing a beat, Cole said "thank you wind"...as we turned the corner, the winds picked back up and gusted back to their aforementioned speed and the whining began again but my goose bumps remained the entire rest of our walk...

Why oh Why oh Why

The title of my post could cover many a scenario...like why oh why oh why am I so behind in blogging, or why oh why oh why do I have a child who doesn't need sleep like his mother does, or why oh why oh why when Cole asks WHY for the umpteenth time today does my brain short-circuit as it tends to do with monotonous repetitive activity.

I am going nuts with this stage of toddlerdom. I try to be witty and thoughtful with my replies but one can only be respectful of WHY when attributed to true questions not to every nitpicking thing one does during the course of a day...granted this stage of inquisitiveness is balanced with my absolutely entertaining verbal little boy who graces me with renditions of all his favorite songs now or his description of his day when I pick him from school. He comes running full tilt into my arms and bursts out with his memories of the past few hours as if he has been formulating what he was going to tell me all day...that gives my frazzled self a shot of happiness like no other...I just hope that this WHY phase fades as quickly his interest in couch jumping...

First Day of Montessori 2009-2010

Where does the time go? I remember the very first day I dropped Cole off at Orono Montessori in 2008, I barely contained my tears as I left him in the hands of almost complete strangers. At the time, I second guessed our decision to enroll him since drop offs were so heart wrenching (for both of us) but I have watched him thrive with his peers and learn so much from his teachers and Montessori environment.

I love to watch him in the playground when I pull into the parking lot to pick him up. I never know where I'll find him, one day pushing a truck, the next a grocery cart, one day digging in the sandbox, the next making dinner with mulch chips in the playhouse. On rainy days, I glance around the corner and watch him raptly listening to storytime, singing or dancing, laughing and playing. My heart skips a beat as it remembers not so long ago, the sobs and the "mommy don't go". We've come a long way.

Wasn't it just Memorial Day???

I truly am aghast that it is mid-August. The only reason that I figure I cannot explain how the past two months have snuck on by is that in direct opposition to our winters here where time creeps by hour by hour as the frigid winds blow and cabin fever is easily acquired, Minnesota summer days are less scheduled and we spend every possible waking (and not working) hours outside. This is also my reasoning for having a blog absent of entries since I have been spending far fewer of my "me" hours actually sitting at the computer. We eat alfresco almost every night and I have kept to my word about watching less TV this summer and reading more. Cole helps me water the flowers and Dave with the garden after dinner. It is amazing when the sun doesn't set until almost 10pm how much more TIME you feel you have. From November through April (at least here in the tundra), the days seem to end at 5pm and everyone hunkers down for hours vegging out before bedtime, hence my more prolific winter postings.

Anyway, Cole and I have made use of the long days and have explored so many new playgrounds and parks this summer in attempt to make use of the wonderful weather we have had since May. It has not been a hot summer and though it has been fine to run around and play outside, it has not been a great pool/beach summer. So we have taken to coordinating playdates with our friends at some great outdoor venues this year! Compared to even last fall, Cole is leaps and bounds a far more adept climber and confidently scales the ladders and jungle gym bars with ease. He has little fear (which is good and bad I guess) and I try to let him play without too much of my motherly caution ringing out.

Dave built a cool sandbox for Cole in June and not one day goes by when Cole doesn't ask us to "come play in the sandbox with me" with those Coca-Cola eyes and lilting voice just begging for us to come and get sandy. He gets quite bossy though once you have joined him, indicating what he wants you to do and build so maybe he'll be a CEO or architect someday!

Cole also has become quite the Pele with the soccer ball. He has a straight shot kick that is direct and on target 9/10 times. His ability to aim and shoot with such strength has amazed Dave and I. We both played well during our days on soccer teams so Cole must have our combined DNA with this skill. He also has quite an arm as exhibited both outside where we are allowed to throw balls to Tucker as well as inside where we are still learning that we roll the ball as explaining to him that outside we throw and inside we roll is like expecting him to understand the difference between inside voice and outside voice. This is what I frequently see on his angelic face as he is told once again, "Cole, please stop shrieking, we are inside, we need to use our inside voice"...blank stare....processing processing...does not compute.

I DO IT!!

Cole could be a great Nike spokesperson since just about everything he responds to with "I DO IT". This reply is standard for opening & closing doors, buckling his carseat strap, getting into and out of the Volvo, retrieving his sippy cups from the refrigerator, pushing play on the DVD player, putting toothpaste on his toothbrush, wiping his face with a washcloth, entering and exiting the bathtub, sliding on his shoes, pulling the mail from the mailbox, holding Tucker's leash and the list continues...of course, he shrieks like a wet hen when he doesn't get to do it and I cringe when I hear myself state "Cole, you can't always do everything yourself, sometimes Mommy or Daddy has to do for the sake of time (or more truthfully for lack of patience) knowing that a meltdown of grand proportions will take center stage. Of course he has his moments when he rather "Mommy DO IT" which typically is when he makes a mess and wants me to clean it up, wants me to carry his truck and/or him after he gets tired with 20 minutes more to go of our walk with Tucker or when I'm driving and can't pick up whatever he has dropped.

I love his independence as the apple hasn't fallen far from the proverbial tree however, the foot stomping whining that ensues when he can't do it himself sometimes has me wanting to say "FINE YOU DO IT, YOU DO IT ALL" in a adult version of a tantrum. As a parent I have these thoughts daily but I remain calm, cool and collected (most times) and let him have his momentary lapse of composure. Like a switch he shuts off the tirade as quick as it starts on most occasions as his distraction tendency is high which is lucky for me.

I just wish "I DO IT" would be attributable to going potty on the potty *sigh*...but I guess he isn't ready for that amount of responsibility quite yet!

Montana Adventure continued...

So after 15 hours in the truck, we unpacked in our room (we had to share two twin bed mattresses placed on the floor with Cole but it was FREE lodging so we certainly would just figure it out) and began the process of unwinding. That wasn't easy to do with so many people around, kids running to and fro in someone else's home and about 250 animal heads peering down at you...no joke, Larry and Matt are prolific ,and I mean that with a capital P, hunters. They eat everything they kill, hence we were in for a menu of elk, buffalo and antelope. Good thing I am adventurous and our meal discussions didn't go into detail about what we were eating, so we just ate. Game is actually very healthy and lean and the reality is that though they actually shot their prey, it is probably a more humane death than the slaughterhouses that the chicken and beef that grace our plates often comes from.

Lion's Ledge sits on a beautiful parcel of land...the backside looked out over Tom Miner Creek which gushed plentiful from all the summer rains, it was a steady hum that relaxed us as we had some drinks and caught up with our friends that first night. The laughs and conversation flowed but we were bone tired so retreated before midnight. The cool night air wafted in and we fell asleep with a full moon shining in the big picture window in our bedroom.

Cole was up early as usual, so we were up with him and before everyone else. I think the most difficult part about vacationing with others is trying to keep a toddler quiet at the crack of dawn in consideration of the others still asleep. He wanted to play with the girls who were still in la-la land. He wanted to be outside running around which we weren't ready for quite yet as we stretched our stiff bodies. Luckily we had a 7:00 am departure for Yellowstone National Park. With 7 adults and 5 kids we managed to get on the road by 7:20 which we were proud of. With a Suburban and Dave's truck we all fit in, carseats included!

The sun was shining when we turned South on Route 89 and followed the Yellowstone River (which is one of just a few rivers that flows north). By the time we got to the town of Gardner which was 20 miles away, the clouds swirled angrily overhead and thunderheads loomed over the mountains. We entered the park about 8:00 with Matt our tour guide. He is Kelly's brother who is a professional outfitter/guide for a living and lives at Lion's Ledge year round. Matt had mapped out our itinerary knowing which "tourist" spots to forgo and those that were worth the time (or energy) to see. He also knew the less visited but spectacular pull over points that were slightly off the beaten track. We drove into the park about 45 minutes before we reached our first sighting of buffalo. It had rained the first 30 minutes of the drive so our timing was perfect as we began to see herds of the buffalo right off the road. It was early enough too that we had beaten the crowds and pretty much had the park road to ourselves. We stopped for some beautiful vista shots of the hot springs up on the mountain side, the steam pouring off as the sun broke through the clouds. We continued on and saw more and more and more buffalo, some males were as large as our truck. They were shedding their coats and thus many of them had no coat on the back half of their bodies but the coat on the front half remained, it was a strange sight on an already strange looking creature.

We parked our cars to visit Upper and Lower Springs and the tremendous waterfalls. We had a steep hike up and down on a zig-zag trail. Cole was put in the backpack which he fought but there was no way he would have been safe any other way. You could hear the roar of the water but to turn the corner and see the water rushing at such an intense pace was absolutely breathtaking. There was still snow on the north side of the rocks and the water sparkled an almost blue/green in the sunlight. You could see the water cascade and pound the rocks below. It was nature in one of its most powerful forms.

Cole had taken a liking to Morgan, the 10 year old daughter of the Mershons and wanted to hold her hand anytime he was able to be walking rather than in the pack. We stopped to take the walking loop around the Mud Volcano and some of the hot springs and he held her hand the entire 20 minutes. The buffalo lounge around these hot springs and were literally within striking distance should they decide they were irritated by the human gawkers. One had risen as we strolled by and we calmly but hurriedly continued on our way. Of course there are always the tourists who remain behind to snap pictures as the 2 ton creature eyeballs them. Oh, and I wouldn't want to be remiss in mentioning the man and his dog (which was the size of a large cat) who was straining to run after the aforementioned buffalo, barking wildly at it. Its owner was like "oh isn't that cute, he just wants to play, allowing the dog to inch closer and closer". Seriously?? Now we know why signs were posted warning of people being gouged to death every year. Stupid people are a pet peeve of mine, seriously!!

We stopped to take group photos of the kids with Yellowstone Lake and the snowcapped mountains as the backdrop. It reminded me of being in Lake Tahoe without all the development. Thousands of fir trees rimmed the lake and the color of the water was an amazing blue. There were HUGE piles of buffalo dung everywhere which we attempted to keep ourselves and the kids from stepping in. Ed picked some dried dung up and threw it in my direction as I shrieked. Cole thought that was the funniest thing and his giggle became infectious as we all dodged the dung minefield.

Our lunch time stop was Yellowstone Lodge and the infamous Old Faithful geyser. Cole had fallen asleep in the car so Dave stayed with him as the rest of us went to buy lunch and find out the schedule for the next "blow" of Old Faithful. Dave was smart to bring walkie talkies which kept our two cars communicado the entire day. The kids and guys got us seats by the geyser and the gals went to fetch eats/drinks. Yellowstone Lodge was immense. A huge log cabin with a lobby that was four stories high with huge stone fireplaces. It was something out of a movie. You could actually stay there during the summer months (the interior sections of the park are closed from late October-late April because of the snow). Dave and Cole met up with us just as Old Faithful gave us her show. In all honesty, as beautiful as it was, it didn't go as high as I had expected it to. We all expressed the same thought afterwards but it was still an experience that was a MUST SEE!

At this point, the kids had had enough so we decided to begin the trek back. Once the young ones have reached this point, it can be touch and go, so Matt was told to take the rapid route OUT of the park. Of course as fate would have it, traffic came to a standstill about 10 minutes after we left the Lodge. Wildlife has free reign and if they block the road, you wait. So we waited and waited and waited. People had gotten out of their cars and slowly down the line of cars came word. Brown Bear, Brown Bear!! People were freaking out and whispering as we inched past. The bear was up on the left hand side of the road but cars had stopped to take photos.

We snapped our requisite shot and continued on as the kids couldn't have cared less plus now the Kawashiri girls had to pee and we were nowhere near a rest stop. So we pulled off the road and the ladies ventured down the slope a bit where they promptly got stage fright as they have never before had to go potty in nature with a bunch of strangers (us) essentially watching. Needless to say, it was a rough ride home. Cole was a trooper and nodded off a few times. As long as he has snacks and water, he is good. Remember, he was used to be in the car for hours on end.

Two more posts to come on our Montana adventure...

Denhams Big Sky Adventure-Part 1

This month is escaping and I feel like I am constantly playing catch up without success. The To-Do list seems to multiple in direct correlation to the quicker and quicker pace of life. Can it really be the end of July already????

That said, here is Part 1 of our recent trip to Montana...Oh boy, did we LOVE our Big Sky Adventure over the 4th of July. The Denhams were in need of a road trip adventure. Going more than six months without a journey in the car causes us to go into withdrawal. Our destination was Emigrant, MT. Friends of Dave's from ASU have family with a ranch there. The travel time was approximately 14 hours without stops through North Dakota and Eastern and Central Montana, places neither Dave or I had ever been.

We left at the crack of dawn on July 1 (6 am)since Cole gets up before then it made it easy. Our goal was to drive 6 hours and have lunch and playtime. North of the Twin Cities is farmland, vast fields and dairy barns. We made it to the Fargo/Moorhead area in about 3 hours and saw some of the destruction the floods of this past spring had caused. The roads were awful and rutted and there were still "lakes" of water where there shouldn't have been any. Sandbags still sat in parking lots and on the side of the road. We made it just outside of Bismarck for lunch at a nearby playground. Back in the truck for another 6 hours of driving. North Dakota is pretty flat and other than farms there is not much to look at. As we headed west towards the ND/MT border, the terrain literally transitioned from neatly planted rows of corn to jutted mesas and deep canyons. It was liked we went the wrong way and ended up in Arizona. Theodore Roosevelt National Park is a mini-Grand Canyon, no joke. It was crazy how long ago the tetonic plates shifted and caused this upheaval of earth and rock. It was beautiful and so drastically different than what we had been driving through for the past 600 miles.

We soon found ourselves in the land of the cow. Bovines speckled the landscape and little baby calves wobbled behind their mommies to keep up. Around dinnertime, we stopped in Billings, MT...Cole was just about DONE with being in the car but we still had a few hours to go. So we did a lot of singing and distractions to fill the time. Once we got off the main highway in Livingston, the WOW factor caught our breaths. After hours of rolling farm lands, our jaws dropped as we headed south on Route 89. The snow capped mountains (Rocky and Teton I believe) were our vista for the next hour. The valley was lush and green from an above average rainy spring/summer. We played a little Ray Lamontagne which seemed fitting for the view. The air felt fresh and clean and pure...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

We arrived at Lion's Ledge (their ranch) at 8:30 MST. 15 hours in the car (remember the speed limit through 800/1000 miles was 75mph and who drives the speed limit so going 80 or so gets you to your destination more quickly than expected even with several pit stops and two meals)!! The welcoming committee of our friends who were in from New Mexico (Mershons) and California (Kawashiris) and Kelly's parents and brother made for rapid unpacking of the truck (yes, we brought too much but can one really ever bring too much with a 2.5 year old in tow!?)

Otay...

The past week or so, our little guy has just become Mr. Conversation. It is so fascinating to listen to him actually carry on a back and forth discussion. Every day he tosses out a new and complicated word that I have NEVER heard him use before (skyaper = skyscraper...this was while I had the TODAY show on and they showed the Plaza with all the tall buildings...my jaw dropped!!) or while we are reading, he will point to a object on a page from a book we just got out of the library (hence no familiarity with the content) and successfully identify it (in this case it was the number 72 on a firetruck (he knows his numbers 1-15 and can define them out of order so it made perfect sense for him to say 7 2...still to hear him say it without my prompting was amazing.

But what has us cracking up as of late is his perfect rendition of Buckwheat's "OTAY". Cole says it after just about every sentence (that is if he isn't using his #2 word which is "NO" which is closely followed by "I DO IT". His intonation is perfect as he typically uses it not as a question but as an adverb. He elongates the "O" and emphasizes the "TAY". We haven't been able to get it on video yet because he also dislikes being asked to do anything on cue anymore but I am determined because it is so freaking funny to hear.

Wacky Wild June...

What a Wacky wild June, what a ride...here is the spin...

Cole started the month off with a runny nose, followed in close succession with a rapidly growing fever and a full body rash of what to me looked like measles. He has been vaccinated but I was obviously more than concerned. The rash didn't itch but got worse and worse over 72 hours, the fever peaked at 104.1 (of course on a weekend) so I took him to the pediatric urgent care. The doctor there wasn't sure what the heck it was since it wasn't presenting as some childhood viruses do (roseola or Fifths). Cole was miserable and not himself and he looked awful with this head to toe speckling. That Monday we followed up with our pediatrician who asked two other doctors to come in for a look see. Cole has had his fair share of hospitals/doctors (pokings and prodding) so he isn't the easiest patient. None of the doctors could definitively diagnose him. Six days he ran a high fever...6 days!!!. I was a mess worrying that something was lurking in his little system of an unknown origin. The fever finally subsided but the rash has come and gone at varying levels for almost a month. It is gone and then it is back on his legs, it disappears and then shows up on his right arm, gone again, only to show its face on his belly. *sigh*, everyone probably wonders why I have aged in the past 2.5 years (serious lack of sleep and episodes such as the one previously mentioned).

So onward march, last Wednesday, I'm getting Cole dressed in the morning and I see what looks like a mosquito bite on his arm (red and raised) and fairly significant as most of his mosquito bites get. I do my best to douse him in organic products (the only kind his skin will tolerate) but he is bound to get them regardless. Anyhow, off to school he goes. Cole is so long/tall he is wearing 4T shirts which cover his torso but also are long on his arms (hence his arms are covered all day). I pick him up as usual, let him climb into his car seat, I buckle him in, head home, unbuckle, he climbs out on his own, we play outside for 25 minutes or so until I smell poop. He refuses to come inside, so I am forced to pick him up. As I do so, my hand touches his arm which is literally red hot. Before I even go any further, my mom panic button goes off. I push up his sleeve to find his little lean arm the size of Pop-Eye proportions, all red, hot and hard. The "mosquito" bite I saw earlier that day is now shiny and prominent. I quickly change him, take his temp (low grade) and call the pediatrician's office, but of course 5 minutes after they close so I have to go through the after hours service. Luckily, everyone was still at the office, so I got a call right back, the nurse after listening to my description immediately puts a doctor on who within 1 minute of my describing once again, sends us to Children's Hospital. He warns me to pack an overnight bag because it thinks Cole has cellulitis. Dave had just flown in from Las Vegas, he hustles home in rush hour traffic as I find someone to walk Tucker, back Cole's bag and my bag and try not to throw up.

We get to the hospital and check in. The triage nurse takes one glance at him and says "yep, that is cellulitis". I then say, "okay, so what are next steps". She says, "oh that is pretty bad so we'll be admitting him to go on IV antibiotics and to monitor the infection". *GULP* *HOLD BACK TEARS* *GLANCE AT MY HUSBAND* *GULP* *HOLD BACK TEARS*...we get moved to a holding room, where the pediatric ER doctor comes in and says the same thing...takes a sharpie to Cole's arm to outline the redness as he says it will expand *GREAT*. It takes two nurses and Dave and I to hold Cole down to get his IV in. *SWALLOWING HARD*. I leave the room after that to have my moment. We get admitted upstairs, Cole wants freedom but is now tethered to the IV which tangles like Christmas tree lights just by a quick turn on Cole's part. He doesn't want anything to do with anyone, all these strangers entering his room, trying to take his temperature, blood pressure, oxygen level...he finally crashes, it takes me 2 hours to drift off as I share a bed with him...nurses come in every four hours during the night for vitals check... residents come in to outline the growing redness. They think his bite is actually a spider bite as upon better inspection (now that he is asleep and not writhing around) they can see two holes not one (as a mosquito would be). The hardness gets better overnight which is a good sign. His blood work comes back much better. The swelling and redness continue. They determine that he is also having an allergic reaction to the bite. So they give Cole IV benadryl which is supposed to knock kids out...yeah, not my kid. It makes him feistier than all get out. He sets off the alarms with his restlessness it seems every 15 minutes. I'm sure the nurses station was cursing at the constant attention that Room 6120 needed.

By mid-morning, the infection was subsiding and they were going to send us home in the afternoon with oral meds. I was so relieved because I couldn't imagine another evening spent there (though our room did have a view of downtown) with my little scared energetic son who just wanted to go home. The swelling lasted another few days and the redness dissipated too but now everytime he gets a bite, I'm going to worry as they say he is prone to this because of his skin sensitivity. I refuse to keep him in a bubble as he so loves the outdoors but I will do my best to protect him as I can. He runs away everytime I try to slather him in lemongrass oil or cover the bites he has so he won't scratch at them. When the bites swell and get red as I know they will do I will be like a solider on watch, waiting for a signal that we have moved into the danger zone.

Magic of Mother Nature...

Cole and I walk Tucker everyday, and just like the postman, regardless of the weather. Our city dog refuses to relieve himself in our yard since he was trained as a pup on the streets of Washington, DC to "get busy" when he was walked in the city parks. He knows no other way despite our efforts to try when we experienced our first sub zero winter. The upside is that we have a beautiful lawn free of yellow spots and we get lots of exercise. We have walked in downpours, in pelting snow, through blustery winds and blinding heat as well as on dewy mornings, with refreshing breezes and warm sunshine. Just as Tucker gets excited at the mere mention of the word "walk" so does Cole. Both of them teach me that the same old daily walk isn't the same old daily walk at all. Each day (and walk) holds potential for experiencing new things.

We typically take one of five familiar trails. Since our winter snows melted this past spring Cole's favorite trek NOW is the one that takes us on the dirt path in the woods. Our walk begins on the asphalt footpath that winds through the trees and connects the two parks that are blinking distance from our front door.

Before the leafy foliage grew back in late May, the dirt path off the walking trail was easily found and one day on our normal loop, Cole darted off towards it pointing and saying "Go this way?" I had never taken him on the dirt path before because last fall it would have been above his skill level with roots to trip over, trees to climb over and branches to maneuver around, however six months later, I knew he was ready for the challenge. I whistled for Tucker who had continued down our normal route and he looked back at me with an expression (I swear) that said "oh boy, this should be interesting".

Cole hesitated initially as I stepped forward and said "come on, let's go". Despite the fact that he had initiated this adventure he now dropped his head taking a second thought about it. After some prodding, he cautiously forged ahead. As always I wanted to foster his independence and curiosity so I let him go at his own pace, keeping a healthy distance behind him. I could see him absorbing the difference a narrow path made of dirt felt to him as he carefully stepped along. He was wide eyed at this new perspective & I felt a thrill as he obviously was in wonderment of what was now surrounding him. He kept looking back to ensure I was within sight and I reassured him with a smile and a "I'm here". At this point, Tucker came bounding up and Cole seemed to lose some of his inhibitions. He followed Tucker who was more than glad to act as the lead, checking back occasionally with a wag of his tail as if to say "follow me kid, the woods are great".

We winded our way past the huge walnut trees still stark and bare (remember this was late April). Twigs and fallen branches snapped under our weight. As Cole got comfortable, he got excited at finding rocks, rotting trees and he kept pointing at the birds who had come back a wee early but were chirping loudly at our invasion into their woods. Ice clung to some of the lower spots and as any boy would do, he ran to step on them to hear the crunch under his feet. When Tucker would get too far ahead, he would yell "Ucker Come" in the same firm voice he has heard me use to get our canine's attention.

The trail works its way back to the paved road not far from the open fields. As he touched the macadam, he yelled "I did it" with such a beaming smile on his face, that it brought tears to my eyes. He was so proud and cognizant that he had done something new!

It is now near impossible, unless I avoid this area altogether, to get Cole to take anything but the wooded path. He now cruises along, running most of the time, tripping occasionally in his haste to reach the mid point which is the biggest walnut tree of all, in a V-shape that he hides behind waiting to "scare" me as I catch up. The ferns and bushes have grown way above his waist now and though the trail is apparent it isn't used often enough to not have quite a bit of new growth to meander through. It doesn't seem to faze him that cobwebs tangle in his hair, I see him paw at his face haphazardly and I know this because I feel their silky strands brush my skin. Inch worms dangle from the trees and drop onto us (he does get a little freaked out about this) but I take the time to hold them in my hand and let him watch them inch about. We carefully put them in the grass and move on.

He stops to look at the wild "urple" flowers and wild berries. He stops cold when he hears the squirrels, chipmunks, and bunnies scurry away from his pounding feet, looks at me and says "what that?" Tucker darts into the thick of the woods sometimes and Cole gets concerned when he can't see him and then says "YEAH" when he returns back with leafy remnants stuck to his wet nose. The sunlight filters through the towering trees creating streaming rays, other places remain in the dark shadows. You can feel the pockets of warm dense air penetrated by a rush of cool damp air. So many sensory stimuli that I am reminded of as I slow down and watch my son experience the magic of mother nature.

My cheerful chatterbox...

I swear one day a few weeks back as he slept, some vocabulary fairy came and filled my son's brain with the dictionary because honestly Cole woke up one morning and started coherently chattering in almost complete sentences, speaking words I had never heard him use before.

He has been such a physical child that his language development has been playing catch up. Cole crawled, walked, climbed, ran, jumped, and mastered just about every other active movement way ahead of schedule. People routinely think he is older than he is by the way he adeptly maneuvers around the playground. It wasn't until they would ask him "how old are you?" or "what is your name", that either no response came or a garbled, babbled, only a mother could decipher reply issued from his lips.

Now, my little chatterbox can't seem to get enough of conversation. In previous weeks, he would just say the last word in a phrase of a song, or particular letters of the alphabet, he now in tune and on pitch with the melody sings a vast array of his favorite songs. He counts from 1-10 clearly without hesitation, can state the alphabet with only a few omissions, neatly parrots back everything he hears and thoroughly enjoys baffling his mother by remarking "fire trucks are taking a nap in their house" as we pass the fire station with their doors closed...WHAT? Just a month ago, it was simply "FIRETRUCKS FIRETRUCKS" shouted excitedly.

It is fascinating to watch and listen to him as he realizes his own increased communication abilities. However, not all is peachy with this greater word acquisition, his new power has also created a bit of a feistier personality so now time outs are a daily part of the routine when he gets himself in a pickle for being sassy after declaring "No Mommy, you go away over there" along with his hand out in stop fashion to my face.

Memorable Mentionables for May...

Seriously, I wish I could say I slept through the last four weeks, which we all know would have been an impossibility with my little non-sleeping rascal (though he has slept through the night probably 1/3 of the past month which is progress) considering it is the last day of May and I have literally NO IDEA how 31 days passed by in such the proverbial blink of an eye. It is however, whether I can believe it or not, the eve to the start of another month.

It is so strange how time passing seems to speed up exponentially once the weather becomes delightful. The days are filled with more hours of natural light so in actuality they should seem longer because they ARE longer (well not 25 hours vs 24 hours but you know what I mean). I feel like it is 10pm (bedtime for me) before I have even caught my breath from a day of GO GO GO GO!

Anyhow, the daily quota of fresh air that Cole can now absorb just fuels his already high octane energy level. He has always been full of spirit and life but WOW, has the last month proven he has decided to dial up those channels a notch (or more). He is going through shoes faster than the Olympic track team!

Here are some of the memorable mentionables from the world of Cole this past month (I don't think "mentionables" is a word but I'm using it because it goes with my multiple "M" title theme).

Typically when we put Cole down for a nap or to sleep at night, he is engaged with some truck/car/train. Sometimes, he readily puts it away, other times, he carries it up to his room and places it by his bed. I sing (for naps) or we read (at bedtime) and then lights out. Awhile back we bought Cole a sea turtle that throws blue & green stars on the walls and ceiling. He was having such a hard time winding down, we thought maybe this would help him focus and relax. Once he got through a week of wanting to push the ON/OFF switch multiple (50 or so) times, he began to enjoy the stars and the moon and would fall into a more calming state. The sea turtle has an automatic timer that shuts it off after 20 minutes. Cole takes longer to fall asleep than 20 minutes, so to keep him from getting up and playing with the buttons to start it all over, I said one day (trying to keep an even tone as I frustratingly just wanted him to fall asleep for crying out loud), "the stars are taking a nap now so now it is Cole's turn to take a nap". I said it JUST that one time, and that night, sure enough when the timer went off, "Mommy, stars taking a nap?"...I replied, "yes". And since then, anytime anything shuts off (or runs out of batteries), "(insert object) _____ taking a nap?"

Having lived in Boston for 8 years, I adopted a Bostonian way of driving. That is mandatory skill development since you learn VERY quickly that you cannot be a hesitant or passive motor vehicle operator while navigating the streets of Beantown. Hence, I also acquired quite an impressive collection of automobile citations, ALL warnings, not one a real ticket (back then, I could still talk my way out of a paper bag & had a lot of LUCK on my side). I also "picked up" quite the sailor's vocabulary. I certainly could cuss before my days living in MA but I became quite fond of 4-letter words when behind the wheel. Being a mom to a little parrot named Cole has scared me stiff into adopting a cleaner driving mouth. I have found no comparable terms for my previously used driving language that releases the tension I still feel when idiots cut me off, switch lanes unexpectedly or box me in but one day in an attempt to find some child-friendly expression, I started saying in a silly voice, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO repetitively when some nut ticked me off. It allowed me to vent my frustration and Cole instantly began laughing out loud, saying "Mommy More"...so I guess I have found my resolution to a potty mouth which keeps my son entertained. If only I can continue to remember to use this BEFORE an F bomb escapes my lips!

I can't remember when Cole began using "YUMS" as his way of articulating he wanted a snack or food but it has been awhile now. Dave and I try to eat out with him a few times a month. Out of the blue, a few weeks back on Mother's Day, we pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant we had never been too. He got all excited and started saying over and over "YUMS, YUMS". He is really good at eating out for about an hour with the help of Dave's IPHONE and the games on it (who knew they had toddler game applications). He flirts with the waitresses (the only people he doesn't seem to have stranger anxiety with) and loves straws. We have been out to eat several times since and Cole routinely uses some variation of phrasing with "YUMS" whenever we say we are going to a restaurant. Typically as we depart, he looks back at the building, waves and says "BYE BYE YUMS".


Cole's Montessori lead teacher passed along this cute tidbit...he typically is FIRST amongst his toddler peers (WHAT???) to fall asleep during nap time BUT he doesn't sleep for long in comparsion so he wakes up and looks around at all his other sleeping friends and very quietly gets up and puts his mat away. He then sits and reads books contentedly ever watchful for motion in the nap room and as soon as someone wakes up, he begins clapping and saying YEAH!! He gets so excited that someone is ready to play. His teachers just love watching him watching the others, just patiently waiting.

And last but most humbling to this mom...I say "I love you Cole (or I love you Pickles which has been my nickname for him since birth) as often as I can. Previously, he would acknowledge my sentiment with a nod or a smile. Recently, I'm lucky if I receive anything other than "YEAH, THANKS" in reply. Am I already losing my sweet little rascal to the unavoidable throes of boyhood, where his mother's "I LOVE YOU's" are embarassing? I don't think so but it certainly makes me cherish the hugs and snuggles I get even more since I know those days are dawning!

Until next month...

Potty training...Phase 2

It has been four months since I last gave an update about any movement (pun intended) with Cole's potty habits. He pretty much lost any interest he had had with the loo so I have just left his potty seat collecting dust in the corner of our bathroom. If there is one thing I know about my son it is NOT to push the envelope with this training. He certainly has a mind of his own and pressure does not sit well with his personality. The last thing I need is to still be coaxing him to the toilet past three years of age so I have to be careful to pick the right time to re-introduce the concept.

That said, and having given him a pass these past few months, it is time again to revisit what it would take to make him curious and willing to sit up on the throne.

I think my tactic will be to try and let him go nakkkkked around the house (thank goodness once again for our steam cleaner) the four days in a row that I have him home with me. Being the intrepid researcher and reader of toddler behavior that I am, I have concluded that his go go go go go go a mile a minute, can't stop, must keep moving mentality has just limited him from the awareness it takes to actually realize that he needs to GO! He pees in the tub and watches it stream, so I think letting him just be free from Pull Ups to see the peeing happening randomly might (please please) heighten his consciousness of what is going on and the importance of getting to the potty pronto! I'll need eyes in the back of head for roughly 96 hours but that is how it must be! The going #2s is bound to create a mess but maybe that will be the catalyst (along with making a game of running to the potty, "quick quick, beat Mommy to the potty" kind of thing) to make some inroads.

Obviously, some sort of fun and motivating HURRAY, YIPPEE, GOOD JOB treat must follow as continual incentive (songs and praise won't cut it with Cole as being nearly enough for following up) so his fascination with his Easter PEZ dispenser could serve as the perfect "gold star" along with some cool CARS underpants!

I'll let you know how things go...I can't avoid the fact that he needs to go potty regularly on his own before he can move up to the pre-school classroom at Montessori this fall nor can I be less than honest in that I'm tired of tackling him to change a diaper. I know full well that accidents will happen often, that they will happen at the least appropriate times and that my laundry duties will increase threefold but it is a rite of passage for both of us & one I would gladly like to see happen ASAP.

Thank you...

It is my third Mother's Day today!! Each year not just on this day but in general, I find myself more profoundly amazed at how motherhood continues to shape me in ways I could have never imagined. At 37 1/2 years, I know I have been lucky to experience many many life altering changes but this journey of being a mom surely is the most defining to date. The dynamic nature and unpredictability of being a parent is just out of the realm of description.

I have been awed by abilities, behaviors & instinctual skills I never knew I could possess; but at times I am spooked by the raw emotion that gurgles up to the surface. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever worked at, and the road trip has just truly begun, with a million more miles to travel. That reality is exhilarating and exhausting but I truly embrace it (well, 95% of the time) and always remember how privileged I am as I listen to Cole's sleeping breath,watch his soulful eyes engage with mine or as I encounter his zest and energy for the every day.

As he playfully crashes into me with his trucks or in a drowsy state, pulls my arms around his little body, I smile to myself and silently say "thank you"...

Amusing anecdotes for April...

As I mentioned in my previous post, it is just a struggle to find 40 or so free minutes to write/edit a post every 7 or so days. I always think of great things to write about as they are happening and even go so far as to jot them down on a legal pad on my desk or in the notebook I carry in my bag because I want to be sure to capture and remember Cole's (and mine as a mother) formative years but actually sitting down to compose somewhat cohesive, witty and relatively succinct script each week has just proven to be a challenge under the constraints of my new schedule.

I will create longer entries when the stars align allowing me the ample time I desire to write but in the interim, I thought I would share some of the entertaining tidbits that Cole is dishing out these days.

He seems to have acquired a wee bit of the Irish in his gait as of late. He'll be running full tilt and all of a sudden do this little hop step where his feet come together like a leprechaun and then off he continues to race. It is his funniest quirk to date.

Cole still exhibits stranger anxiety. Any new people or interactions typically send him burying his head into my arms/legs. He warms up eventually or when you walk away, he gladly says "bye bye". However, he is always friendly with inanimate objects such as trees, cars, slides, rocks, and most recently dirt. He says "Hi Dirt" with such excitement as if he is greeting me or Dave and then gives the dirt piles a glance over his shoulder as we pass along with his lilting voice exclaiming "bye bye dirt".

He is the messiest eater this side of toddlerdom but when he eventually realizes the complete sticky chaos around him he wigs out and holds up his hands as if they are on fire. He fights me still on wiping his face but at least he has clean hands some of the time. Dirty hands don't seem to faze him, just gummy, tacky ones. So picture this, he wants a rice crispy treat, I give him one and he walks away. As the warmth from his hands softens the texture, he obviously decides to remedy the situation by grabbing a tissue and wrapping it around the treat. Then I begin to hear him whining and I find him with this incredulous look on his face as he shows me his issue. The fine tissue has now fused itself to every nook and cranny of the rice crispy treat. He won't allow me to give him a new one, he wants this original one. So there I was picking off finite pieces of tissue from a gooey rice crispy treat with him watching my every move (just in case I might try a substitution or some silly move like that). I hand it back to him with minuscule traces of tissue and he hands it back. I then pry off the remaining bits with rice crispy residue now under my fingernails and he happily pops the entire thing into his mouth and smiles.

Me, only a bit more mellow...

Since starting my part-time gig almost 8 weeks ago, I have found it more and more difficult to set aside "quiet" time to BLOG. There is very little "quiet" time in this house but I used to at least get the better part of two hours on a good day while Cole napped to rush around completing TO-Do's, along with running errands and getting some household chores accomplished while my little rascal tagged along or supervised (or in full disclosure, just created a bigger mess somewhere else in the house while he went unsupervised).

Now, I am working three days a week, I have fewer "free" hours to fit in grocery shopping, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning, bill paying, budgeting, vacuuming, dog walking, the post office, the dry cleaners, the library, vacuuming (you can tell it is spring when Tucker sheds and I literally have to vacuum every day), and so on.

I don't know how moms work full time, raise a child(ren) and run a household. People tell me often how nice the house always looks and how organized I am. I cook or at least prep dinner five nights a week. Dave never has to rummage looking for a clean shirt or socks. I am proud that I run a tight and relatively upright ship (and a clean one) but it is because there are so many things out of my realm of control now that I am a parent to a toddler that those things that do remain under my authority and management have to be just so. Thus, I prefer to leave and enter a "quiet" and clutter free home. It is just my thing and my husband stopped questioning my motives long ago!

Anyone who knows me well, knows however, that becoming a mom has certainly mellowed my Type A ways. I used to go as far as to turn labels facing out on items in my refrigerator (though I still tend to do it with things in my cabinets) and alphabetized my CDs and books (which I no longer do probably because we don't listen to CDs anymore and my book collection has waned the past 2.4 years). I don't obsess about dust bunnies as much as I do dirty paw prints on my floor or dishes in the sink. I shrug when Cole's hands become filthy or he picks up food from the floor (which is actually rare since Tucker has dibs on those) but I detest a snotty laced face, it literally makes me cringe.

The mess Cole makes when he eats is, well overwhelming, but just getting him to eat takes all my patience and energy so I don't fret over the slovenly manner in which he chooses to go about his meals. I used to care more about wiping up EVERY speck after EVERY meal but over time I now let a few days go by before I chisel the dried jello and dribbled ketchup glue from off the mat beneath his chair (hey at least I had the sense to buy a replaceable mat). I do loathe little people hand prints and dog nose smudges on my glass doors and thus you can find me carrying around a bottle of vinegar (I've gone GREEN) nightly to rid glass surfaces and door jams of sticky little finger residue and slobber.

I don't have major piles of anything on my desk (other than books & magazines which I doubt I will ever get around to reading). However, I do have a tendency to accumulate and overstock our basement storage shelves and chest freezer with enough "stuff" to feed us all for a month should we ever be held captive in our house because the entry doors freeze shut (ha, you laugh but our garage door froze shut this past January).

I do make our beds every morning before going downstairs but I don't mop the floor everyday like I used too. I do stack full outfits (top/pants/socks) in Cole's closet for two weeks at a time (just in case I die, he'll match for at least that amount of time) but in all honesty I started doing that because when we have accidents, I just whip a new set off the shelf since Cole doesn't hold still for more than 10 seconds and I don't feel like chasing his naked bum around while accidents typically occur when we are already running late for somewhere (another thing I hate to be is late).

The morale of this post is that I believe that though I still hold high standards for portions of my life, becoming a mom has taught me to let go of many of them and just enjoy the moments. If that means laughing to myself as my son hands me a half-chewed gooey graham cracker at a play date and I without a napkin pop it in my mouth to dispose of it or if it means rolling with it as he licks the sidewalk chalk off his hands before I can stop him, well then, I've already done that and it wasn't the end of the world for me (or for Cole).

Whew...I didn't think I'd make it!

I really and truly thought I would need to go into the "gone batty" asylum as winter here in Minnesota was like nothing I had ever experienced before. We certainly got away with our first winter here (2007-2008) as only a handful of days (11 to be exact) went below and stayed below zero. The winter of 2008-2009 we had 42 days of subzero temperatures, 12 of those -10 or higher. The other 3 months it barely got above 15 degrees and when it would get into the 20s, it was like WHOO HOO, you almost left the house without your jacket!!

The four walls of this house began to close in on Cole and I about mid-February despite my coordinating playdates for him (and me) and hosting 6 toddlers at our house every Monday afternoon. We had art class and music class and rec center time but there are still a lot of hours to fill in a day when you can't be outside. We had a good deal of snow but sadly, we didn't sled much either because it was just too cold and frustratingly, they just don't make good gloves for toddlers. I found great gear for him for next year but Cole's hands were still just too small this year and his poor fingers became icicles because nothing was lined (believe me I searched high and low and bought 6 pairs so he could double up because we lose them much like we do socks).

Anyway, we mustered through 6 more weeks of winter and finally are scarf and hat FREE (though it has taken about 2 weeks for Cole to NOT automatically put on his fleece hat each time we leave the house. We spend afternoons after work/school out in the yard, absorbing the warm sunshine and the earthy breeze. It still gets chilly at night but the lilac bush has buds and the grass is greening up.

Cole is all about dirt and rocks now and is filthy from head to toe each evening but I love that he loves nature. We keep finding ladybugs (which are good luck I've been told), we have heard the woodpeckers in the park, the birds are back chirping and there is a bunny living under our deck (we had bunnies last spring so she is probably back). Why she picked our fenced yard with Tucker roaming around I don't know but I suspect she knows there are no other predators lurking about.

We do a lot of playground time now and fearless Cole is climbing all over just like the big kids do. I can't believe how much he has changed and grown stronger since the fall. I was shocked as he scrambled up the bars without even glancing in my direction awaiting my assistance as he did 5 months ago! He is already needing me less which is just as it should be but it still causes a lump in my throat as I watch him become less dependent.

So we are getting our Vitamin D fix and glad to have shed the layers of clothes (and the extra 10 minutes it took to get out the door). Hurray it is FINALLY spring!!

Whether it be...

Whether it is because my little rascal is throwing a fit so dramatic it could be worthy of an Oscar; whether it is him flashing his million dollar smile as he splashes in his bath; whether it is the impish grin he throws in my direction as he dashes off for a game of catch-me; whether it be his lowered eyes avoiding my firm reproach as he continues to purposefully and precariously perch himself on the back of the couch; whether it is his predictable cranky mood after his daily nap; whether it is the acrobatic routine before bed that makes me think he was a circus performer in a previous life; whether it is the way he runs to me saying MOMMY in his lilting voice EVERYTIME I pick him up from Montessori; whether it is the fact that he goes full tilt 94% of the day while the other 6% he lollygags when I actually need to him to MOVE; whether it be the way his face lights up when I sing; whether it is that it brings tears to my eyes each time he really hurts himself; whether it is that I feel like a mother bear protecting her young when he gets pushed at the playground; whether it is the fatigue that makes me nauseous at times because he won't sleep through the night; whether it be that I get warm and fuzzy observing Cole hugging Tucker with his arms around his big soft head and Tucker responding with the gentlest nudge of his nose; whether it is the fascination that I feel watching Cole explore himself and his place in this world; whether it is the pure joy that oozes from my pores as I listen to him giggle or whether it is the sound of his breathe and the vulnerability he exudes as he sleeps

Whether it be all of these reasons and an infinite many more, I should always remember and respect that becoming a mother is a privilege like no other.

In like a LION...

It has been as wild and unpredictable around the Denham household as it is in the mighty jungle. So the saying that the month of March comes in like a lion would be very apropos.

Cole has always been strong willed, independently minded and curious. He has tooted to his own proverbial horn since he came into this world BUT he has taken his personality to a whole other stratosphere these past weeks. We had some hints the past month or so that we were not to escape the TERRIBLE TWOS, however one always has hope. That stated, just about EVERYTHING more often than not has become a struggle:

Eating (he won't), I'm lucky if the child eats 1/8 of everything I put on his plate!

Going to bed (it is like he is in the circus with the acrobatic routine he performs once lights are out)

Staying asleep (he still wakes at least once during the night, if not twice so no wonder I have the continued sleep deprived look I had when he was a newborn)

Getting dressed (he has to be pinned down some times so that I can wrestle with him to get his clothes on; same goes for diaper changes)

Getting out the door ( he runs around the house until I finally grab him and once again wrestle with him to get his jacket on though I must give him kudos for putting on his own hat and gloves)

Getting into the car (he races around the backyard or the garage pad because I am normally weighed down like a pack mule and can't carry his 30lbs and everything else, so I put everything in the Volvo and have to play chase in cold weather on icy concrete)

Behavior, he has begun PUSHING which is a NO-NO and hence his first time out at school happened last week; he started pushing Tucker and pushing Dave and I away; we obviously are being consistent with our discipline on this; typically it happens at the end of the day (understandable sure, I feel many times like PUSHING since I have had very limited personal space for approximately 810 days but that is why I work out and drink wine).

He also has started with the colossal emotionally charged meltdowns (over his books falling from his hands, Tucker lapping up something he drops, his trains toppling over, sharing ANYTHING with ANYBODY and on and on...) He even has gotten upset several times when I put my now shoulder length hair into a ponytail (MOMMY OFF with such vehemence in his voice as he tugs at my hairband as if I have done him such an offense).

If I can distract him within 1.4 seconds, I can diffuse or soften the tantrum but sometimes I just have to let him have his breakdown, check in with him, letting him know I'm there with a hug. The hardest challenge for me is twofold, I hate to see him so visibly upset with body shuddering and face blotchy and secondly, I become exasperated many times as some fits are over something specific that he can't communicate to me though he tries his darnedest repeating unintelligible toddler speak over and over in sheer frustration. I as his mom should just be able to figure his needs out (Yes, I am supposed to be a mindreader!!)

So onward march (or March) as we forge ahead with hopes that the Denhams can come OUT like a lamb by month's end!

Why is it...

Why is it that Cole moves with the speed and agility of an Olympic track star 98.5% of his waking hours, keeping me playing chase and catch me every time I need him to hold still BUT when I need him to move along and keep the pace to keep our blood from freezing while we are out walking Tucker, he pokes along at a snail's pace, wandering and strolling down the icy trail as if it was a balmy 80 degrees out??

I am happy he loves his daily walks as much as Tuck but I have Cole 25 yards behind me and Tucker 50 yards ahead of me and I'm running in place cursing this continuous winter under my breathe while I manage them both trying not to lose my patience. I have to keep Tucker in my line of vision but avoid hurrying Cole along since he has taken to sitting down in the snow in protest when I push him to move when he isn't ready, further delaying our lap around the park.

So sometimes, depending on how long a day I have had, I end up carrying a writhing 30lb unhappy little boy the remainder of the walk, as the pooch bounds ahead joyfully though glances back in our direction sensing my growing anxiety.

I shuffle along praying I keep my balance as I wrestle with Cole who wants to be under his own power. Good thing only a rare few are witnesses, as I'm one of only a handful of idiots out dutifully walking their canine in this weather and the only one insane enough to bring her toddler along!

I am toasty warm thanks to clutching Cole for the past 15 minutes by the time we return but irrationally irritated as I now have to navigate the two kids as we re-enter the house. I make everyone STOP, I get Cole's wet slippery boots off so he doesn't fall on his face as he now revs his engine and is back in the race again across the tile floor. I beg Tucker to sit until I can dry off his soaking 85lbs in a vain attempt to lessen further collection of muddy paw prints across the floor I just cleaned for the 4th time that day, 2 hours before. I have to get my 18 layers of clothes off, chase Cole to remove his snow pants, Tucker is drooling for his treat and now dinner needs to be started. *SIGH* But I guess if this is one of my biggest frustrations of the day, I should be so lucky!

Potty training....Phase 1

I'll keep this entry relatively succinct since there is not too much to share at this point but I did want to expound a wee (pun intended) bit since potty training really is a big confluence of events especially to a 2.3 year old.

I've read the books, listened to my mom peer's advice and ended up just like 85% of everything else with Cole ultimately have just gone with my gut on this whole potty thing.

Without going into great detail, Cole on his own volition has most recently begun associating a wet or poopy diaper with going to the toilet, he stops cold from whatever motion he was in and looks at me funny and then grabs his bum and mumbles. At this point, I prompt him "do you need to go to the potty"? I would say 30% of the time he says YES and off we go to remove his pants and diaper. I make a big deal about sitting on his little tushie seat and do my best to throw any remains into the toilet so we can make a big deal about flushing it away. He seems to thoroughly enjoy this event even saying BYE BYE to his turds.

The other 70% is business as usual and only when my nose catches the scent are we off for a change. I bought him CARS pull-ups but they honestly don't seem to be triggering any additional visits to the potty. However he does get very excited during diaper changes now and he actually will hold still while I put them on so Hallelujah for that.

I will have to say that the most unexpected thing about this whole learning to go potty ordeal which NONE of my research or reading alluded to has been how difficult after 26 months of changing and cleaning up a messy diaper while my lil guy squirms on his back is it to NOW wipe the mess while he fidgets standing up (which I do 30% of the time when we actually do the whole use the toilet thing). I'm killing trees left and right with the excess I seem to need to get him poop free with my novice skill at wiping him while he is vertical.

Stay tuned for further updates and hope they don't include entries about a clogged loo.

Another kind of "25 Things...." List

I joined the ranks of the addicted last fall by signing up for Facebook. For the longest time I thought the site was for those quite a bit younger than me but after hearing about so many who were re-connecting with so many individuals from their past, I decided to give it a whirl. I had become more nostalgic in the past few years and was genuinely curious as to what friends from various chapters of my life were doing with their lives.

It took me the better part of a month once I began to figure out the bells and whistles of the various tabs and functions of FB and to actually catch up with everyone who I was finding and those who were finding me in cyberspace. I felt exhilarated at coming across names and faces that were familiar despite the 15-20 years since I last saw or spoken to them.

The whole initial process reminded me of when I reluctantly registered my profile on MATCH.com back in 2001. All my single girlfriends were swearing they were "meeting" cool guys. They all had dates lined up and though none were finding their princes, they were all having a blast. I remember vividly painstakingly drafting my "about me" section and agonizing over what picture to post. I was shocked at the number of emails I got and I spent a ridiculous amount of my free time sorting through them. I had to create a system and make quick gut decisions about the guys. Facebook is obviously different in that I know everyone that is a "friend" and thus they aren't complete strangers however many are viewing my WALL and INFO for the first time in a long time. So updating them with my life's resume is what makes it feel comparable to when I was managing my MATCH profile.

Those who have been active in my life since college know that I ultimately of all my girlfriends who used MATCH, was the only one (and the least expected one) to meet her ROMEO! Dave and I shared emails through MATCH for a week before making plans and meeting for what was essentially a blind date. The rest is history and the butt of many a roast at our wedding festivities.

Anyway, I digress.

If you have been on Facebook recently, no doubt you have been tagged to write the “25 random things about me" list. I realize that some people do not like memes, or they are too busy to write the lists, but I enjoy the occasional one ever so often and I have had fun reading fun and frank tidbits about my FB friends.

Now, there’s a mama-fied version of the FB meme on the BabyCenter community, called "25 random things about being a mom". Here is what I came up with as I continue my maze of first time motherhood!

1. I had no idea that there were a depth & intensity of emotions I had yet to discover before becoming a mom.

2. I had no idea that I would be saying things like "please don't lick the rock" or " please don't put your cars in the toaster" or "please don't eat the dogfood".

3. I had no idea being a very Type A personality that I would be able to embrace dirty hands, spills, poop, throw up and general disarray of my home as I have, however I still cringe at crushed cracker particles, hand prints, snotty noses, muddy footprints on the back of the Volvo's seats and a sticky or dirty floor.

4. I cannot go to bed without every toy put away (Cole helps some and the rest I do after he is in bed); every piece of puzzle put back; every book binding facing up or out (so that he doesn't rip the pages pulling them out otherwise) and every part of anything with parts found and returned to its rightful position.

5. I had no idea that breastfeeding Cole would be the undescribable bond that it was and the only time he would be still for the first four months of his colicky life, really his entire life as he continues to be in motion 90% of time. (Nor did I anticipate breastfeeding for 15 months!)

6. I had no idea that Cole's wonder, awe, excitement, joy and freedom as he experiences life were contagious.

7. I had no idea that Cole would be teaching me more about myself than I would be teaching him about his world.

8. I had no idea that I could function on so little sleep for the better part of two years. Seriously, coming from someone who was miserable pre-child without 8 hours of uninterrupted ZZZs.

9. I had no idea that I would become a pack mule every time we left the house even for the shortest errand. '

10. I had no idea that a 30lb little boy could have enough energy that he could probably light up Times Square.

11. I had no idea how frustrating it could be to make or take a phone call. Everytime I get on the phone, despite having just played for hours, Cole decides to let me know he isn't happy about someone else having my attention.

12. I had no idea that watching my child sleep could be the balm to an absolutely terrible day.

13. I had no idea that I would have to repeat so many things so many times

14. I had no idea that at 18 months, Cole could outwit me already flashing his million dollar smile as he did so.

15. I had no idea that watching my son being wheeled into surgery would cause me to sob uncontrollably and almost vomit in fear.

16. I had no idea that I would have to hold myself back from intervening to let Cole experience falls, disappointments, frustration and playground dynamics.

17. I had no idea how proud I would be of each and every accomplishment and how sincerely surprised I could be when he seemingly mastered something overnight.

18. I wish I could put Cole's sweet, earthy, with a kiss of sunshine smell into a bottle to treasure forever. My brain will remember and savor that scent always.

19. I had no idea how delightful it could feel to have Cole see me after being apart and run full tilt into my arms saying in his lilting voice MOOOOMMMMYYYY!

20. I had no idea how purely entertained I could be by Cole's antics (most of the time).

21. I had no idea how irritating (like nails on a chalkboard or the mess packing peanuts make) WHINING could be.

22. I had no idea that I would cherish the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom. I honestly thought I would be a mom who went back to work. Until I was a mom I wasn't a mom and thus, the decision became quite clear for me on December 6, 2006.

23. I had no idea that my sense of hearing would intensify so greatly that I could wake from a dead sleep if a pin dropped.

24. I had no idea of the immediate adrenaline rush that can occur when you feel your child's pain.

25. I had no idea (despite every parent I know telling me so) how quickly time would pass and how fast Cole would change and grow.

A lesson in sharing by Tucker...

Learning to share has been one of the more challenging feats to teach Cole. It is a constant ongoing dialogue in this house as he plays with us and his friends. I am constantly reminding him that we share snacks, balls, crayons, but most importantly his trucks.

Cole's trucks are his beloved possessions and thus handovers to others are a very rare event. He could be carrying around a handful or playing in a separate room and if a playmate even eyes one laying on the floor, the shriek of "don't even think about it buster" goes out. Many vain attempts have been made, once a peer actually picks up one of Cole's fleet, to calm him down out of his obvious (to everyone) discomfort. He becomes so agitated and his distress so palpable it is beyond the typical parental reaction "Cole we need to be able to share our toys". Cole hoards his trucks at home, at the rec center and at playdates. I do my best to keep him to two trucks (one for each hand) but many times he manages to balance as many as humanely possible which actually keeps him from being able to play with them at all but try explaining that to a two year old.

So we struggle each time we have this "situation". I consistently ask to see and hold his trucks when I play with him one-on-one to let him know that I too can enjoy them and will ultimately return them to him so that he may use them once again. Sometimes he hesitates but hands them over like they are fine china watching me carefully until I hand them back and he snatches them and runs away as if he is afraid I will ask for them back again; sometimes he readily brings them to me and deposits a whole caravan on my desk and says "mommy push" so that I will push them back and forth with him; other times he states vehemently "no mommy" when I ask to play with them and darts me a glance that says "don't ask again".

So the other day while we were couped up once again on a bitter cold day, I had both kids (Tucker and Cole) down in the basement playroom. Tucker was antsy and wanted to play fetch with his stuffed woodchuck (not the real thing of course). Cole likes to grab poor Tucker's toys and run away with them so Tucker will chase him. He giggles with glee as Tucker gently (oh so gentle he is with Cole) tugs for his toy. Cole tugs back but is unwilling to release. Tucker looks my way with a "please mom, make him drop it" plea in his eyes. Normally, I make Cole drop the toy so Tucker can romp away making himself happy squeaking the toy, while Cole pouts and whines that I let Tucker have his toy. So I decided to make this a teaching lesson about sharing. As Cole got over his fit and ran after Tucker to wrestle the toy away I said firmly "Cole, Tucker is willing to share his toys with you, can you share with Tucker"? Cole looked at me quizzically but released his grip on the toy allowing Tucker to trot back to me. I played tug with Tucker for a few seconds while Cole watched us both. I then said, "Okay, Tucker is ready to share again". Cole came running over with a smile and Tucker dropped the toy at his feet. Cole ran away as Tucker chased him but this time when Tucker tugged, Cole let go and laughed. Instead of immediately fussing, Cole ran over to us and Tucker once again liberated the woodchuck. This went back and forth for a few more intervals with both parties playing and sharing together!

Since that day, they continue to play well and in a similar fashion. Cole sometimes needs a prompt but he routinely will let Tucker retrieve his toy without a fight. I don't think Cole is ready for the same level of sharing with his peers quite yet. But I thought it was great that using Tucker as a catalyst for understanding how fun sharing can be allowed Cole to better understand that two-way street. I give kudos to my cherished canine for letting me use him to tackle the issue from a new perspective.