Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Signs of Cole...








Here are few street and business signs that friends and family have sent me with my little guy's name on it. I have had NO, nada, zero, zilch time to draft a worthwhile post this week so some filler text and photos will have to do. I had kept a file of these pictures not ever thinking to use them here but here ya go!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Contemplation...


To contemplate is defined by Webster's as "to look at or view with continued attention; observe thoughtfully; reflect upon; consider deliberately".

At one time in my not so distance past I used to contemplate quite often while running or walking Tucker or while just sitting outside enjoying pleasant weather. Those times would allow me to focus on one idea or thought instead of the thousands that continually play ping pong in my brain and cause me to be restless 90% of my waking hours. I could also become fully engaged with the time and place that I was in wherever that might be. These instances would slow my mind from wandering into the future where it normally was planted or from trying to digest the scattered pieces of this thing or that. I would return refreshed and less stressed if only for a brief hour or so.

One of the obstacles I have found myself dealing with as a stay at home mom to Cole who is demanding of my attention nearly 16 hours a day is the lack of time I have to just be. Just be alone, just be with my thoughts, just be me! Having very limited personal space both physically and emotionally takes its toll. I have sacrificed many things in order to be the best mom I know how to be. I do that without regret. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss some of the simple freedoms I had before I took on the responsibility of motherhood.

I wish I had more time to sit and ponder (or just sit really!) It is hard to do that when you have to fit it into an unpredictable day with a 17 month old who races around exploring every corner of every room finding trouble where I thought there wasn't any and only naps one hour a day. I realize I should just take that hour to myself but it is so hard to do that when all the other "things" that are on the TO DO list taunt me. I have never been strong at relaxing (unless I'm on a beach). Cole begins Montessori next week and I should be reveling in the "free time" it will give me. I sit here writing this post about wanting to contemplate more and yet I have already created a task list for things that I want to do around the house that are nearly impossible to do with curious Cole shadowing my every move.

I need to find my personal balance again and use the opportunity of Cole beginning school as the catalyst for doing so. It is important to my well being to find that as our routine changes. My problem is that I feel guilty for thinking about taking eighteen hours a week "off" for a month or so, gloriously six uninterrupted hours a day three days a week. It makes me sound (and feel) like a lazy blob. I know it is well earned after spending the past year and half working overtime but my need for purpose and agenda consumes my desire to sit around and read a book, catch some sun or go for a run returning to take a leisurely shower. So I have to shake the guilt and as NIKE would say JUST DO IT and spend some time just musing again.

P.S. The picture of Cole with this POST gave me the impetus to write about this topic. I learn something from him every day. I am blessed and oh so lucky to have him as my teacher in life.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

We are what we eat...

The title of this BLOG post is an ad motto that has been around for ages and yet it is more pertinent today than ever. There are so many more options today for what we put into our bodies to eat than when I was kid. Thirty some years ago, junk food and sweets existed but the amount of choices for choosing what we eat certainly did not equal the shelves upon shelves of packages consumers find themselves perusing now. Grocery stores were half the size of the towering Super Targets that I routinely frequent.

What I remember about food growing up is home cooked meals and a family sit down dinner every night. I never liked vegetables and though I have added many of them to my diet over the years, I still shy away from most that are green. Mom prepared us three meals a day, packing our lunch pails with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or in my case, butter sandwiches (was margarine even on the market then??), crusts or no crusts I can't recall. We loved going to Goodnoe's for ice cream cones and enjoyed frozen hershey kisses when we visited Grandma and Grandpa amongst my multiple other favorites, Carvel ice cream cakes and Dairy Queen softserve with the chocolate shell. I don't have a recollection of what I ate being at all a big deal. We ate, we grew, we thrived.

Now becoming a parent and being the "chef" for a toddler has been complicated by the varied studies that what we put into our babe's mouths have proven consequences and not all positive. In a rush to find out why various medical, cognitive and developmental delays rates have risen, research is growing (and showing) that the ingredients in what we consume do matter especially in little ones with their brain cells still forming. Too many residues in their foods can alter their body's ability to absorb the good nutrients. So the more I hear about this preservative and that additive and the potential detriments they cause, the more it poses an everyday conundrum as to what to purchase, prepare and feed Cole.

We had decided when Cole began eating solids to offer a range of foods. The more introduced to him early on the less apt he would become a picky eater later or so we hope. As I found myself buying items outside of the designated baby food aisle, I found myself reading labels more carefully. I bought organic produce and fruit most of the time because they were grown without pesticides. It was not that much more expensive surprisingly. It was when I began to expand his menu and add in finger foods and snacks is when the challenge began. Most of the boxes of cereal or crackers that were marked "natural" and/or "healthy" were far from it. "No trans fat" has been the tag line for many vendors trying to woo shoppers. That is a start but there are far more dire artificial elements in most packaged foods that lurk inconspicuously on the label. So I began shopping more often at Whole Foods and local organic stores for prepared goods. As I mentioned earlier, the difference in cost of buying organic produce versus non-organic was not that great. The difference in price when buying organic cereals and the like was significant however the more I considered the return on my investment the more I began spending the extra cash.

Our cupboards now host many products without high fructose corn syrup, without enriched white flour, without colorings and ingredients I can't spell let alone pronounce. We have found that many morsels taste better without all the "stuff". That "stuff" may give my pantry items a longer shelf life but if something needs chemicals to make it last longer then maybe it shouldn't be in the pantry at all?

Don't' get me wrong, Dave and I have had to retool our palates after years of Doritos, Sugar Smacks and Reeses Peanut Butter cups and we do still indulge ourselves with our favorites but we find ourselves noshing on many of the things that Cole eats and acknowledge that we too should be putting our mouths where we preach. We need to lead by example.

Of course, as a child learning about his own taste buds Cole will be allowed to sample almost anything he wishes with the understanding that those "treats" are for special occasions not daily consumption. I want him to appreciate that what he puts into his body is in essence what gives him the fuel to leap, climb, run and learn. However, I do want him to have memories of visits to the ice cream parlor, licking the insides of an Oreo cookie, chomping on REAL hot dogs while attending baseball games and eating gooey cotton candy at the state fair too!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Yes, the milk still runneth...

Yes folks, Cole is almost 16-months-old and we are still nursing. I didn't have a breastfeeding plan when we started other than to hope that I was able to even do it. I have astounded myself that it remains a part of our daily routine.

Cole never followed the "norm" for much of anything during his first year. He took bottles of pumped milk until he was about 5 months and then quit cold turkey on them despite my attempt at trying nearly every bottle on the market. We tried a vast array of formulas too to no avail. So I accepted the challenge to continue providing him with what I felt was the best for him, my milk. As long as I was able to produce the quantity that was necessary to help him grow I would continue to breastfeed. If my body decided otherwise then I would cross that bridge.

As we approached his first birthday, we began introducing cow's milk in his sippy cup which he promptly shoved away again and again over weeks and weeks of offering it. We finally opted to try an alternative and he accepted the soy milk in small doses. He was not drinking enough however to cut back on nursing until he was about 13 months.

Breastfeeding a young toddler is quite different than breastfeeding a small baby. For starters Cole would do acrobatics while nursing if he could. He is so long that it is quite a feat at times to maintain my patience as he karate kicks his feet over and over, flaps his arms like a bird taking flight, and wiggles his body around like a restless puppy all the while latched on sucking away. He normally settles down within 10 minutes but it can be a long ten minutes as I wrestle with him praying he won't turn the wrong way while attached and thus pull me with him.

We are down to two nursings a day, one in the morning and one before bed with the occasional third to mitigate a meltdown or to comfort my fussy teether. It is an instant soothing option for him (and me) when we are having a tough time. It makes parenting him on a bad day a bit easier. It is a tool in my mom arsenal that I will be reluctant to retire. Nursing only occurs in his nursery. It is our private place and moment. I decided on those parameters so that he would not be demanding feedings anywhere else.

Unfortunately, I am starting to feel the stigma that surrounds breastfeeding an older baby. I get the comment sometimes (that comes with the raised eyebrow or perplexed eye twitch), Oh, you are still nursing? People seem so surprised and quickly change the subject. I just think Cole is not yet ready to give up the breast. I notice he still has a need to suck and he does not use a bottle, pacifier, finger or thumb. It is a very natural calming mechanism and/or reflex and to prematurely wean him for no reason other than my convenience would be selfish. It has been a very surreal experience to be in such the breastfeeding minority. I know if we lived in Europe it would not be such a rare demonstration and yet I find myself awkwardly making excuses for why I am still doing it when it comes up in conversation.

There are many things I never expected to experience or feel as a first time mom. One of them is the bond I have formed with Cole through breastfeeding. It has allowed me to exercise the most natural gift I possess. I love holding his hand as he kneads mine. I smile silently to myself as I inhale the scent of his head, as I observe his facial expressions relax, listen to his breathe slow and soften and nestle as his body curls around mine. These moments are one of a kind and I want to etch them into my memory for eternity.

Cole runs around at mock ten all day long and though I enjoy the fact that he is very much a physical little boy making the most of his abilities, I revel in the continued opportunity to hold him close. Soon enough he will no longer need me in this way and I will be happy for him as it will indicate his maturing development. However, I will mourn the loss as that chapter with him comes to an end.