Yes folks, Cole is almost 16-months-old and we are still nursing. I didn't have a breastfeeding plan when we started other than to hope that I was able to even do it. I have astounded myself that it remains a part of our daily routine.
Cole never followed the "norm" for much of anything during his first year. He took bottles of pumped milk until he was about 5 months and then quit cold turkey on them despite my attempt at trying nearly every bottle on the market. We tried a vast array of formulas too to no avail. So I accepted the challenge to continue providing him with what I felt was the best for him, my milk. As long as I was able to produce the quantity that was necessary to help him grow I would continue to breastfeed. If my body decided otherwise then I would cross that bridge.
As we approached his first birthday, we began introducing cow's milk in his sippy cup which he promptly shoved away again and again over weeks and weeks of offering it. We finally opted to try an alternative and he accepted the soy milk in small doses. He was not drinking enough however to cut back on nursing until he was about 13 months.
Breastfeeding a young toddler is quite different than breastfeeding a small baby. For starters Cole would do acrobatics while nursing if he could. He is so long that it is quite a feat at times to maintain my patience as he karate kicks his feet over and over, flaps his arms like a bird taking flight, and wiggles his body around like a restless puppy all the while latched on sucking away. He normally settles down within 10 minutes but it can be a long ten minutes as I wrestle with him praying he won't turn the wrong way while attached and thus pull me with him.
We are down to two nursings a day, one in the morning and one before bed with the occasional third to mitigate a meltdown or to comfort my fussy teether. It is an instant soothing option for him (and me) when we are having a tough time. It makes parenting him on a bad day a bit easier. It is a tool in my mom arsenal that I will be reluctant to retire. Nursing only occurs in his nursery. It is our private place and moment. I decided on those parameters so that he would not be demanding feedings anywhere else.
Unfortunately, I am starting to feel the stigma that surrounds breastfeeding an older baby. I get the comment sometimes (that comes with the raised eyebrow or perplexed eye twitch), Oh, you are still nursing? People seem so surprised and quickly change the subject. I just think Cole is not yet ready to give up the breast. I notice he still has a need to suck and he does not use a bottle, pacifier, finger or thumb. It is a very natural calming mechanism and/or reflex and to prematurely wean him for no reason other than my convenience would be selfish. It has been a very surreal experience to be in such the breastfeeding minority. I know if we lived in Europe it would not be such a rare demonstration and yet I find myself awkwardly making excuses for why I am still doing it when it comes up in conversation.
There are many things I never expected to experience or feel as a first time mom. One of them is the bond I have formed with Cole through breastfeeding. It has allowed me to exercise the most natural gift I possess. I love holding his hand as he kneads mine. I smile silently to myself as I inhale the scent of his head, as I observe his facial expressions relax, listen to his breathe slow and soften and nestle as his body curls around mine. These moments are one of a kind and I want to etch them into my memory for eternity.
Cole runs around at mock ten all day long and though I enjoy the fact that he is very much a physical little boy making the most of his abilities, I revel in the continued opportunity to hold him close. Soon enough he will no longer need me in this way and I will be happy for him as it will indicate his maturing development. However, I will mourn the loss as that chapter with him comes to an end.
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