The Negotiator....

For Cole's 5th birthday, he got a 4-gallon BiOrb fish tank and got to pick out two fish for it. I had done intense research (of course) about the various tanks. I had to weigh in several factors including the major one which was the limited space he had in his room for it. I was drawn to the Baby BiOrb (the picture above is it but not Cole's specifically) for its aesthetic appeal and I had read a ton of reviews about its ease of cleaning which knowing I'd be the one responsible for this task sealed the deal. It had room for decorative features and a cool subtle nightlight which would allow Cole to watch his fish once lights were out each evening.

Gigi and Pop Pop were in town for his birthday and were witness to Cole opening up the box the day before to set the tank up and fill it to allow for the water to filter for 24 hours before bringing its new occupants home. We headed off to the pet store the next day and we learned a lot in 20 minutes about what types of fish worked well together, what ones didn't grow much, which ones did well in cooler water and which ones had a relatively longer life span. Cole picked out two Platys and named them Duggan and Scout (he couldn't come up with names so he asked mom for help. Both of those names were on our list when we tossed around monikers for Tucker years ago).

We allowed Duggan and Scout to acclimate and also set up a heater for the tank learning that the water had to be around 70 degrees. We keep our house 60-65 degrees during the day in the winter so not having a heater wasn't an option. Cole's new friends were bit sluggish the first 48 hours and I kept anxiously checking on them but the shock wore off and they were darting around by day 3. Cole was very excited to feed them each day.

Sadly on day 18 (3 days past the pet store warranty), I found Duggan at the bottom of tank. Duggan was fine at 4pm but not so by 6:30pm. I always thought deceased fish floated to the top and then learned that they sink initially. "Oh boy", I thought when the reality of the discussion that was forthcoming flooded my brain. I softly told Cole that something had happened to Duggan. The look on his face as he raced into his room brought tears to my eyes. I told him that Duggan had died and that we needed to get him out of the tank. He ran from his room, with tears running down his face. After putting Duggan in a cup, I went out to Cole to comfort him. He said he wanted to bury him and I explained that Duggan loved the water so it might be better to flush him. Cole yelled out "no, mommy, he'll go to where the poopy goes". I wasn't sure how to reply to that so I just said "well buddy, yes technically that is true but he'll eventually make it out to open water". We waited for Dave to come home and Cole didn't want to be there for Duggan's "ceremony" so quietly Duggan went.

I had told Cole that we could get another fish as he was worried that Scout was lonely. So we headed back to the pet store two days later. On the car ride over, Cole began peppering me with "hey mom, can I get two more fish?". I said "no, we just need to replace Duggan, okay". I could see him pondering my response carefully as I glanced at him in the rear view mirror. As we pulled into the parking lot, he pipes up "so, Mom, I think we need to get two more fish because what if Scout needs to take a rest and the new Duggan wants to play. If I had three fish then someone would always want to play. So what do you think about that!?"

We walked out with a "new" Duggan and his pal Henry. :-)

Twas the Night...

I love that Cole has embraced things about the Christmas season (other than the promise of gifts)that are more meaningful.

We started doing advent calendars when he was three and each year he gets so excited to hang it on the refrigerator and wake up each morning to open the daily "door". It is the FIRST thing he does for those 24 days.

He also is enamored with the magic of our Christmas tree and much like me, loves to turn off the house lights and sit in the chair admiring the simple white lights of our tree. This year he was very much wanting to make his own ornaments and giddy to hang them.

During the holidays, we also find Christmas books and stories to read on our weekly trip to the library. This year we took out a fantastically illustrated edition of "Twas the Night Before Christmas". We began reading it days after Thanksgiving and by mid-December Cole knew the story verbatim. He wanted to "read" it to us each evening and one night as he began to recite in his lilting voice, I captured it on video.

Half a decade!!

My little pickle is growing up. He turned five on December 6. To think he has been in my life for half a decade is really quite astounding! The years certainly seem to be passing more rapidly than I can keep up with.

Cole had a great birthday weekend with a party at THE WORKS with 8 of his friends; this place was a hands-on kid's engineering museum for his age group. GIGI and POP POP were in town for the fun as well as for his birthday fete at Montessori and birthday dinner at Salut, sparklers and all! Cole got a 4-gallon fish tank and some new friends for it as his gift from us.

It was a terrific few days of celebrating. He is already talking about his party "when I turn six". As a kid you always want time to go faster, as a parent, all I want is for time to slow down.

Farmer's hours...

Cole has ALWAYS needed less sleep than the average kiddo. He has his great grandpa Roger's genes it seems! As far back as his wee early days, Cole has just been go go go! He had colic for four months and would cry all day, luckily my only saving grace was that he did crash hard when he finally decided to and to this day this holds true, he goes full throttle and then BAM.

He has also ALWAYs been an early riser. From ages 15-32 months, he was up between 4-4:30 am every morning! Dave and I tried everything but Cole was awake and ready to start his day. We took turns getting up with him so the other could sleep, however, after years of this schedule, my brain is now hardwired to Cole's hours and despite my body's desire to crawl back into bed, my brain is firing at the same crazy hour. Cole at five years old still arises all chipper and wanting to play way before the sun comes up, it is an odd morning when we get beyond 6am.He dropped naps altogether around 3 years old though without fail he will still fall asleep in the car in the late afternoon and on the boat, the motion lulling him into dreamland.

As for bedtime, that has always been a bit of a struggle as well despite a structured routine. He just can't get his mind to slow down. After quiet time reading books for 15 minutes each evening he is still revved up. He moves and shifts and kicks and is in and out of the covers and rolling this way and that way. We can hear him shuffling around and have to typically lay with him for some time to ensure he settles down.

One night recently, he came out into the hallway and says to me with exasperation "mom, how do I make my head sleepy?" As I scooped him up with his tired eyes he goes "I counted sheep like it said in my book but I got to a hundred million already".

I know someday I will be beating on his door to wake him up as he misses the school bus, sleeping as a teenager will but until then, my little farmer remains.

I'm thankful for...

We have been talking to Cole about being thankful for all the things he has in his life and attempting to get him to grasp that many kids his age don't have food and a house let alone a playroom full of toys. It is a lot to ask of a 5 year old to comprehend anything other than what is "normal" to him but it is important that we try. He is learning about gratitude at Montessori school as well.

So each night before bed, I've been asking him about the things he is grateful for. At first he was like "I don't know..." but with just a little prompting, he picked five things the first night. We repeated those things the next night and then I told him that we would choose ten things the following evening. We then repeated those ten things after reading books the next night and moved onto fifteen working our way up to 20 things.

He was excited about his list and yet I didn't want it to become a game so I reminded him why he was being asked to grow his list every other evening. Two days before Thanksgiving Cole came down with the stomach flu and as I laid with him the first night between bouts of vomiting, he turned to me in his weakened state and said "mom, I'm not very thankful that my tummy is sick." I hugged him close and agreed.

Here are the things that made Cole's "20 Things I'm Grateful/Thankful For" List:

Daddy
Mommy
Tucker
My toys
My friends
Max (his new sea lion stuffed animal)
Target Field (where the Twins play)
Airplanes
Our trip to Oregon and San Francisco
My books
Chocolate milk
Mac N Cheese
Hugs
Tickles
Daddy's big phone
Bubble Baths
Talking to Daddy on the phone when he is away
Snow
My boots
Smiles

Inaugural sled ride of winter 2011-2012

This will be our FIFTH winter season here in Minnesota. We have acclimated pretty well and have a closet full of down jackets and a wardrobe of boots to prove it. I've learned to purchase snowpants, hats, gloves, heavy socks and long underwear in late summer since winter tends to arrive quickly and without much notice. I was prepared this year when the flurries began to fly. We had our first decent snow mid-month and Cole couldn't wait to hit the sledding hill near our house. The ground is barely covered in the video below but for a few scant inches but in two months it will be covered with feet of snow. Another long winter looms but we certainly will make the most it, that is what Minnesotans do!

Cole quotations...

Cole continues to charm us with his "collectible quotes" as I call them. Here are some that I have written down from the past several weeks!

As Dave and Cole are goofing around "wrestling" on the couch, Dave goes in for the sneak tickle attack; between bursts of laughter, Cole blurts out breathless "Daddy stop tickling me, I don't want to run out of giggles".

Cole often uses the word "actually" especially when pointing out something I've been incorrect about (which is subjective of course :-)) such as stating "actually mom, you said that I only had to eat some of my cheese" which is a literal interpretation when I said exasperated as I glanced as his plate after 30 minutes and saw 75% of his food remaining "Cole, please eat some of your cheese". I guess I "actually" should have told him "Cole, please eat your entire cheese stick".

When I realized that Cole was somehow wearing more chocolate pudding than I think went into his tummy, I laughed and said "what happened here, did the pudding explode?". With comedic delivery and a wry smile he looks at me and then at his shirt and the back of his hands and goes "huh, how did the pudding walk all over me!?"

Lately, Cole has taken to saying the following when he is very excited about something "I can't even hold my breath anymore".

Oregon...

The three of us got to head out to the left coast earlier this month for a short visit with G'ma Tootie, G'pa Fox, Great G'ma Coleson and of course the menagerie at the Fox Farm. It is rainy season but we were lucky to see the sun peek its head out several times. The Pacific Ocean and its rocky coastline never disappoints no matter the weather.

I thought for this post, I would just write in a fashion similar to a stream, where I just let the memories of this trip dribble out and flow along.

Pretzels and cookies for an excited Cole at Delta Sky Club; seeing the snow over the Bitteroot Mountains from high above; meeting the Hood family on the concourse at Portland Int'l as they headed east; G'ma Tootie's snack bag for our road trip; lunch at the air museum on the long ride down to Seal Rock; the hundreds of logging trucks; a glimpse of the Pacific Ocean then BAM there it is, memorized again by its rugged beauty; Violet and Cole becoming fast friends; Lily petrified of her new young guest; G'ma Tootie's treasure chest of goodies for Cole; visit #1 with G'ma Margie; lunch at Rogue Brewery; Cole feeding Coach the rabbit; walk on the beach exploring tide pools and having the rising tide get Cole wet; driving over the bridge in Newport and seeing the HUGE NOAA ships; the barking seals on the docks; the fishing boats in the harbour; lunch down in Waldport at the dive bar; the burn pile at the farm started just as it began to pour; making a tractor cake; happy dances; first sleepover for Cole, first night alone for Dave and I in five years; fancy dinner then breakfast along the harbour front; a walk through the Oregon Coast Aquarium (watched MAX the sea lion get fed); visit #2 and lunch with Great G'ma Coleson; good-bye to the coast and our loved ones; back on the plane heading home.

A collection of Cole's recent one-liners...

Cole's witty quips continue to accumulate. I find myself laughing hysterically, sometimes inappropriately, since his delivery is truly comical. It is as if he is consciously trying to be funny by his choice of words and affectations which are not at all childish or silly. Here is the latest compilation:

As we rush to the bathroom in any one of numerous public venues, I am telling him that he shouldn't wait to the last minute. He races in, not even bothering to close the door and barely gets his pants down before his stream escapes. I (and anyone else in the restroom) hears him go "ahhhh, that is so much better!".

Cole loves to play hotel these days. It began shortly after our stay in one in San Francisco. He gets our spare keys and his little computer and likes to check you in and show you to your room. He began asking standard questions, like "would you like a room with a view?" and "how many nights will you be staying with us?". Over the weeks, he has generated quite a series of questions, so checking-in is quite the process. I asked him if he would carry my suitcase one morning and he replied "no, you can do that yourself, it isn't mine", he then turned and smiled as I frowned "well lady that is the truth!"

Walking through the woods with Tucker a few weeks ago, the trees were shedding their leaves. Cole said he didn't remember why the trees had to lose their leaves and I answered "the trees need to save their energy during the winter to stay warm so they lose their leaves so that they don't have to supply energy to them, just to their core trunk and branches and then in the spring, the leaves will grow back". He retorts "well mom, that isn't very nice that they make the leaves die so that they can sleep!"

198 Posts and counting...

It has been four years since I sat down one afternoon in October 2007 as Cole napped and began this blog. Now incredibly, 198 posts later, I find myself full of pride as I review those original entries and reflect back to a time when I was a fledgling mother. I can feel the anxiety, the excitement, the fatigue, the joy and the overwhelming fear of the unknown ooze from my words. As I continue to read, I "hear" more confidence as well as more confusion. The pride I speak of as I read through these 198 posts is more about how much I realize (much in retrospect) how I have slowly grown into my "mom" shoes. Much like breaking in a new pair of running shoes, I felt out of step and off my pace when I became Cole's mom, I was on a path never traveled and without direction; so many times I felt lost and exhausted. However, I have found my groove and rhythm as a parent as best as I can at any given moment and can forge my way comfortably now even when I don't know where I may end up.

As I read through these posts, I was surprised at how diluted and weak many of my memories were and so grateful that I have taken the time to capture them here. I do still vividly remember being constantly challenged by Cole's ability to change "the game" of parenthood and wondering when things might get easier. I finally have conceded as he approaches his fifth birthday that things don't necessarily get easier. Yes, Cole is self-sufficient in hundreds of ways now but his curiosity and queries about the world, people, his emotions and the darker side of life keeps a not so subtle continuous train of thought chugging through my conscience. It is my desire as a parent to ensure I give him enough of a response (or information) during these conversations to be truthful and honest without bestowing my own personal choices or opinions on him. I want to enable Cole to form his own impressions about the aforementioned and that is a tricky and pot-holed filled road. So no, parenthood does not get easier, it continually morphs, ensuring that I have plenty of things to write about in years to come.

Co-Captain...

As I have previously blogged, we have had a wonderful season on our boat TIME OUT. We have been beyond lucky to have had a warm and dry autumn which has allowed our boating time to continue. Cole has gotten quite comfortable "driving" the boat (obviously under our watchful eye and only in quiet bays). This video clip is from late September before he broke his collarbone.

Oh no, NO, Nooooooooooooooo

For the second year in a row, I had volunteered to coordinate Cole's Montessori school photo day. OMS had used a talented photographer in the past to take both headshots of the kiddos for the class composite (as getting 36 preschoolers and 12 toddlers in one large picture together was not even an option, LOL) as well as parents could sign up their child/ren for multiple individual photos. Other parents had taken on the task in previous years and then their kids graduated and though everyone wanted photos no one was up for taking on the project. So I stepped up to the plate last fall since I could and because I knew I was good with details. It was quite the project because many of the parents just simply chose not to follow the instructions. I was literally phoning parents the day of the shoots for payment even though the deadline was clearly the week before. *sigh* Anyway, at least this fall I knew what I had been through and thus adjusted my process. It did simplify things but I still had parents who decided they didn't have to follow it.

Anyway, on day one of the photo shoots it was overcast but the lighting was actually perfect against the autumnal colors in the trees and grasses out back of Cole's school where the photographer was snapping away. I had one mom who helped me out shuttling the kids to and from the classroom, wiping noses, calming down little ones and attempting to keep everyone clean as they waited their turn in front of the camera. I had had to schedule around naps and lunch and fussiness with the wee ones as well as some kids who were there some days but not others. We cruised along that first day even despite a few bouts of misty drizzle. Cole loved having me around and was so excited to get his picture taken the next day having watched some of his classmates ham it up that first day.

Day two dawned with brilliant blue skies. We had a bunch of infants scheduled first thing before they began their first naps. They took a bit more coaxing and we got off schedule. We had quite a few kids to get through before lunch and I was working with the toddler teacher who kept looking at the clock as she was fearful that she would have to push back lunch for her class because she didn't want the kids to get messy. So I was doing my best to get things back on track. Cole was scheduled as one of the last before lunch which was later on the preschool side.

We began catching up and soon I was calling for Cole and two of his classmates. They began running ahead of me out towards Lisa the photographer who was busy with two others. It was a good 250 yards from the playground fence to where she was taking pics. Cole and his buddies were running full tilt when all of a sudden I saw Cole trip and fall. It was one of those slow motion moments for me, kind of like where your eyes see an event happening but your brain lags behind in processing it. It was a millisecond before my synapses fired and I began to sprint towards him because I knew by the way he fell and the fact that he wasn't getting up that something terrible I had just witnessed.

He had rolled to his side and his face was full of panic. By the time I got to him, he was crying out in pain barely sitting up. This is my son, who when he falls, he immediately gets up, dusts himself off and says "I'm okay mom". I couldn't determine at first what he had hurt. He was crying so hard, he couldn't tell me. Then I realized his left shoulder was positioned oddly. The adrenaline was coursing through me and I began to sweat. I was fearful to move him and yet I knew I had too to assess the situation. I picked him up gingerly but he weighs 43 pounds so it wasn't easy to hoof it back to the school. We sat in the grass and I knew in my heart of hearts, he hadn't just knocked the wind out of himself. He began to complain that his "elbow" hurt although he was pointing at his shoulder. So I got him into the car and while Leena his teacher stayed with him, I ran inside to get my things and then ran 250 yards to tell Lisa I was leaving and give her the remainder of the schedule. Then ran 250 yards back to the car; I jumped in and called our pediatrician group to tell them we were on our way. I thought he had dislocated his shoulder. He was sobbing in the back seat; it was awful. I called Dave who was in NYC and told him what I thought was wrong. He was going to try to get on an earlier flight.

I felt nauseous listening to Cole writhe in agony, his face contorted as I kept glancing in the rear view mirror at him as we sailed down Rt. 394. He was inconsolable as I got him gently out of the car and into the doctor's office. They took us right away but because he was so upset, it was difficult to get a physical exam on him. She wasn't sure whether it was his shoulder or collarbone but he definitely needed an x-ray. Cole is not a fan of x-rays having been through this once before, when he broke his right arm bones at 22 months. He began to scream as we attempted to lay him down to get him positioned. It took me 15 minutes to calm him down, my hair and clothes were wet with his tears. I was trying so hard to keep my composure for his sake. I had to leave the room for them to take the x-ray and though it was only for 30 seconds, the same wailing from behind the closed door that I remembered from 3 years ago sent shivers down my spine.

The news wasn't good. He had broken his collarbone and it was slightly angulated so he would need to be seen by the pediatric ortho team over at Gillette Childrens to rule out a need for surgery. She was still concerned about his shoulder as well. Cole had exhausted himself from crying and had fallen asleep in my arms. We were able to get the temporary sling on but I knew before we even left the office that this sling was not enough to keep him from moving his arm. They gave us a script for Vicodin and the number to schedule our appointment in St. Paul. We got home and I felt as if I had run 10 miles. Cole slept on the couch thankfully while I made phone calls. I had a lump in my throat at the prospect that he might need surgery and I already was preparing myself for a long night ahead. Dave got home after dinner time. Cole was doing better with some Vicodin in his system and I had already pinned and clipped the sling since it was sliding around way too much. I knew keeping an almost five year old from being active was going to be near impossible so hoped that the experts had a better way to immobilize him. I was also having concerns about two bone breaks before he was even five. So much was rushing through my head. The only thing that provided me some consolation was that I was THERE when it happened and with him seconds after; he didn't have to wait 20 minutes or more for me to show up and hold him. I was meant to be on-site that day, I don't think it was a coincidence.

It was indeed a long night considering Cole does acrobatics in his sleep. He would wake up almost every hour or two. We headed over to Gillette Childrens the next day. Cole was in better spirits which was a blessing and a curse. He was bopping all over the place, eh gads. Luckily, the doc said he should heal well and fast. She gave us a better fitted immobilizer and wrap and off we went. We will get an updated x-ray on Halloween.

We haven't gotten much sleep this past week and we have all gotten sick to add insult to injury (at least for Cole). He remained at home with me this week allowing the bone to set solidly and he will return to Montessori on Monday with obvious limitations. He has done fantastic adjusting to using just one arm, it is just at night when he rolls around that it bothers him still.

Sadly, he never even got his photo taken but we hope to reschedule that next month once he is free of his immobilizer.

When we asked the ortho doc about his multiple bone breaks, she laughed and said "His bone density looks great! He has just been unlucky. I've spent 10 minutes with him and can tell you that it probably won't be the last time you are here, he is a high energy kid."

I was happy to hear he was healthy but I'd rather roll him in a bubble wrap than have to go through this AGAIN...but that is just not a realistic perspective so I will just have to navigate the perils of parenthood as they pop up on our journey.

Show-N-Tell

Cole's Montessori class has Show-n-Tell every Monday and Thursday. Due to Cole's 3-day attendance he only has Thursday to bring something to share and discuss with his classmates should he want to. Each week I give him notice that if he wants to choose something, he should think about it the night before, however inevitably he changes his mind seventeen times. With a ten minute warning in the morning before departure, he makes his "final" decision, I then put the required name label on it and as we rush to get out the door, 9/10 times he'll go "mom, I've changed my mind, I want to take X". I sigh and 5/9 times let him go and pick something else, while 4/9 times I make him stick with his choice regardless of the pleading and tears. It has become a ritual of sorts and we laugh about it, 5/9 times. One morning when I was less on patience but attempting so hard to keep my calm composure I said "Cole, we go through this every week, you know you have to bring something, it is a bit frustrating to be having this conversation again!" He replied "but mom, it is hard to choose since I have to share and talk about it". I had to give him credit for his logic was sound. He couldn't find anything and exasperated he dropped his voice and replied in a shaky tone "I guess I won't take anything today". I was determined to get out the door with a laugh so I retorted "well, why don't you take me for show-n-tell!?" Without a moment's hesitation he goes "Mom, you're not educational". I laughed and said "oh but I disagree!" His reply "no, that's okay, you're my mom, I don't want to share you with everyone" He looked at me with the most genuine expression and in that moment I realized that what seemed like a trivial decision was much more important to him that I had been aware of. Another lesson learned...thank you Cole.

Telling it like it is...

There is a magnificent wooded trail that Cole, Tucker and I frequent all but a 5 minute drive from our house. Cole loves to ride his bike and Tucker can typically roam off leash since we rarely run into others. There is a cool bridge that crosses the creek and the gravel path follows the bog and railroad tracks. You can hear the frogs and crickets and see all kinds of birds. There is beautiful green leafy foliage and varied flowers in the spring/summer and when the fall landscape turns, the brilliant yellows and reds in the huge trees overhead beam in the sunshine. Tucker loves to jump in the creek and Cole loves to try to skip rocks. I love this little trail tucked back in the woods, it is a perfect 45 minute to 1 hour stroll.

We hadn't been there in awhile but one recent afternoon, the sun was warm and the trees had just started to shift into autumn mode so off we went. Cole was way ahead for a time, pushing his strong legs round and round. He is just about ready to try without training wheels but he loves to go fast and I know he'll get frustrated so I'm leaving that lesson for Dave.

Tucker and I finally caught up as Cole hurried us along. I saw a man on his bike catching up to us and told Cole to move off to the right. I saw Cole looking at the man as he approached and without hesitation as the man cruised by us Cole shouted "hey sir, you forgot your helmet!" The guy never turned around but Cole turned to me and goes with a shrug of his shoulders "he was going too fast, he is going to crack his head if he falls!"

The start of a new school year...

It is the "official" start of the 2011-2012 school year this week. Cole's Montessori school has a year-round program which is wonderful because during this pre-school period I believe it is vital to not have a cessation in learning. During the summer months, there is less emphasis on daily lessons but they still spend several hours a day developing their educational brain cells with multiple breaks for physical outdoor play.

The Montessori philosophy embraces that each child acquires skills at their own pace with support and guidance from its teachers. I have witnessed Cole flourish in his classroom. I wish that he is always as excited as he is now to show me his "work". I have to say how impressed I have been at the sheer content of his "work", doing simple math and writing letters without tracing at his age simply amazes me. He loves to have me hang his worksheets in his playroom and on the refrigerator. Holy toledo if he finds any of his sheets in the trash (*ugh, but I can't keep every single one of them!)

Many of Cole's school friends were away from Montessori for the summer as they have older siblings who were home because public schools had their seasonal break. He knew that this week, they would all be back! He kept asking each day, if it was THE day and finally it was.

This will be his final year at Montessori before embarking on his journey through Kindergarten next fall. It will be so bittersweet to watch him graduate from OMS next spring. He was just 18 months old when I left him for the very first time with Ms. Sara and soon, nearly 4 years later he will have grown up under their watchful and caring eyes. His love of "work" is a testament to OMS. I can only hope that as he moves forward with his education that he continues to have teachers that can foster his curiosity and wonderment and encourage his love of learning.

Enjoying the ride "up north"...

So now that I have an easy way to compress video clips, I have a boatload (pun intended in some cases) of them to show. Some day I would like to craft a collection of them as it would be a sheer delight to watch them from when he was just itty bitty until the present. They are fun for me to listen to because unlike pictures, they also capture the soundbites which are a treasure in and of themselves.

This clip is from our recent camping trip "up north", our second one of the summer. We went a bit further north on Leech Lake than we did in June. It was cool for August but the sun warmed things up during the day. The flies were worse than the mosquitoes but we managed to find some respite when we were cruising.

Our campground sat back off a channel that emptied into Leech Lake near Portage Bay. For Dave and I boating through the channel in the early morning and at sunset was absolutely our most favorite part of the whole trip. The channel waters were calm, the reeds swaying, the sky and clouds postcard perfection and though there were other boaters, it felt as if we were the only ones for miles. You had to zig-zag as you navigated the water which made it fun and then sploosh, it kicked you out into the 3rd largest lake in Minnesota.

You can barely hear my commentary due to the wind created as we zipped along but you can hopefully feel the essence of where we were and how special it was.

"Down By the Bay" by the artist Cole

Below is a cute clip of Cole singing his version of "Down by the Bay"; I used to sing this to him quite often a few years ago. One afternoon recently, he heard the song on a Calliou show. He looked at me and in all seriousness said "Mom, you used to sing this to me all the time, what happened?", and before I could answer, off he went creating his own rendition. I was cracking up because he was joyfully bouncing around the house while doing so. Be sure you catch Tucker's look as Cole bops on by...

You're safe here....

I remember watching thunderstorms each summer with my dad, we would either sit just inside the garage doors or on our small front porch. The smell of a thunderstorm is very distinct to me, so earthy, while a regular rainy day smells fresh and grassy. The storms in PA were more about rumble than about flash but the rain would pour; they would ride over us quickly and in the late afternoons (which is when they seem to pop up the most) the sun would show its face again and steam would rise from our driveway.

After moving to Minnesota, summer storms were redefined for me as a whole new weather phenomenon! Although I did already know that Minnesota could produce some dandy storms. The reason I knew this was because my best friend from college moved here and I had flown out twice a year over a four year period to see her and during one of those trips witnessed a MN storm firsthand. She was living in Uptown near Lake Calhoun. I don't remember where we were that day but the sunny skies suddenly had taken on an ominous tone (literally one that was a mix of green/black/orange. We rushed back to her apartment and pulled into the parking lot just as the first big fat raindrops began to pelt us, the wind gusted and was knocking things over on her first level abode as we entered. We slammed the windows shut and her lights flickered. It had gone from a beautiful blue sky to a dark angry one in a matter of 20 minutes. It was exciting, amazing and frightful. The storm raged outside for awhile and then cleared out. The fact that I can recall the details tells you that my mind was quite affected by it.

In May of 2007 we moved to MN; it was a beautiful and early spring and Cole who was 5 months old watched me as I unpacked our boxes and made our house a home. The weather was unusually warm for that time of year, not hot enough to turn on the air conditioner but muggy. We had some pretty strong thunderstorms roll through, typically in the middle of the night and I remember being awoken not by the clap of thunder but by the disco show that the lightening was creating. It would cut across the sky one after another and make me flinch as I lay there watching it in the skylights above our bed.

The week before Memorial Day weekend, Dave was working, Cole was napping and Tucker was supervising as I finished hanging odds and ends. It was mid-afternoon and the sun had been shining all day. The air had been calm with no movement; the humidity had been building as the dewpoints had risen each hour. I remember thinking that I should close up the house but I had been waiting until Cole woke up. I don't know what I was doing but I heard the winds pick up out of the blue. I thought it was odd considering how still things had been all but 30 minutes prior. I went out to our deck and gasped. A swirling sky of black clouds to our southwest was heading right for us. It was such a strange sight to be standing in direct sunshine at that moment and yet see what I was seeing. My memory rolled back to that visit with Heather. I ran inside and closed the downstairs windows. Though normally I would be ticked if anything woke Cole up, I was actually grateful that the gusts of wind were blowing doors shut upstairs as I heard him cry. I ran to get him just as the tornado sirens went off. My heart beat fast as raced around slamming the windows shut with Cole on my hip. The rain had begun to pummel the roof and the piercing sirens punctuated through the roar of the wind. I glanced through the back door and saw the darkness hovering nearby. Cole, Tucker and I got down to the basement and sat in the middle of our laundry room. I could now hear the hail hitting our house and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety. It takes a lot for me to feel this way and thus I was anxious over being anxious. With a newborn in a new house hearing tornado sirens for the very first time was simple unnerving.

Since that day, we have had numerous bad storms; one hailstorm got us a new roof. I don't mind them as much however I still get a lump in my throat when I see the sky turn the color of pea soup or when I see menacing clouds. Over the years, Cole has learned that we head downstairs when the sirens scream, that that is the safest place to be. When the F1 tornado hit North Minneapolis this past spring, it was hard to explain to him as he saw news footage why things like that happen. He has asked with concern every time since when we have a storm "is it going to blow our house away!?" I can't tell him "NO" because I would be fibbing so I have chosen to say "highly unlikely" which is the truth.

The damage reported by the media that was inflicted by that aforementioned storm all but 5 miles from our house must have had more impact on Cole that I thought. Obviously when they do news stories on tornadoes, they show a list of what things you should and shouldn't do. Cole can't read yet but he certainly remembers signs. Quite often this summer when we have gone potty at the library, Costco or the grocery store, Cole points out what he calls "your safe here during a tornado" sign. I agree and then say to myself "I sure hope we never have to be in here for any other reason than to go potty!"

What did he say....??

The one-liners just keep coming...Cole is quite the wordsmith these days. I'd like to say it is because I never used "baby language" with him. I have always used my normal vocabulary in our conversations and it has forced him to ask when he has no idea what it is that I've said. I already see him incorporating "advanced" words into his everyday lingo which makes this voracious reader and editor proud!

That said, here are the latest and greatest quips from Cole:

During the afternoon, the winds typically pick up on the lake making our ride back to the public dock more than a bit bumpy. Cole likes to sit up front to take full advantage of the boat hitting the waves. I sit with him since the "jumps" are pretty big. On our most recent ride, it was more rocky than normal and we were getting quite wet as a result. Cole shouts with a grin on his face from ear to ear "Now that's what I"m talking about!!"

As we were packing in our hotel room on the day we departed San Francisco, Cole says "I'll like this place but I miss the Twin Cities".

Riding in the car after school one day, I was telling Cole the errands we had to run before we headed home, his reply "okay baby".

When Cole thinks that Dave or I are making something up he states in a perplexed tone "are you kidding me out?"

As another thunderstorm struck with intensity and we headed to the basement once again, Cole heard the rain absolutely pummeling our roof and goes "well that's impressive!"

We always leave our hearts...

Last spring, we made a five day getaway out to the left coast as Dave was running the Big Sur marathon. We spent a quick 24 hours jetting around our favorite city by the bay seeing some our favorite haunts, spent time with friends who live north of SF and then headed south to spend the remainder of our vacation in Monteray.

This year, Dave registered for the San Francisco Marathon as a quest to conquer for his 40th birthday. We decided to stay put this year and stay in the city our entire six days. This would allow us to stop at all of our must see's and check-off our must do's!

Needless to say, we continue to marvel at how much joy spending time in SF creates for us. Cole was the consummate trooper as we ventured here and there and everywhere. We took the ferry over to Sausalito and enjoyed a yummy seafood dinner on a deck overlooking the bay, we rode the cable car (Cole's favorite!) and walked with the masses, people watching at its best at Fisherman's Wharf. We drove over the GG bridge and visited the Marin Headlands with their breathtaking views and black sand Rodeo Beach. We oohhed and ahhhed at Baker Beach where we watched a container ship go under the GG bridge on a clear spectacular day. We went up and down the streets in our old neighborhood and saw all the work they had been doing in the Presidio. We walked along Chrissy Field and shopped at Sports Basement (for those who know about SB, you already know why that was a MUST DO!). We met up with the Kawashiri clan for a scrumptious (gluten-free menu in an Italian place!!)dinner and walked around Union Square watching the kids eat cupcakes.

Cole and I both love hotels so setting up for an extended stay in one place with a to-die for view of the city was fun too! Dave completed 16 miles of the race running the steepest and toughest but most scenic part of the 26 mile route. His legs screamed enough and he heeded their command. Cole and I were so proud of him! We celebrated Dave's 40th birthday by heading south for a late lunch in Half Moon Bay and walk along a stretch of beach that took some climbing to get to/from. Cole played in the tide pools while Dave rested his weary limbs. We enjoyed large chocolate cupcakes in our hotel room to cap off the day!

Our last and final day we traveled north, the road zig-zagging along the curvy coast. Our destination was Point Reyes. We climbed up and back from the lighthouse (300 steps) and took in the view that went on forever, spent some time poking around the beaches and then headed back stopping for a late lunch in Stinson Beach.

We packed a lot into our six days and yet, we did not feel rushed or exhausted, just exhilarated. Leaving in a cab back to the airport, Cole wanted to know when we would back. I think both Dave and I replied simultaneously, "very soon".

TIME OUT

I know Dave had seriously been considering and researching purchasing a boat over a year ago; it was on our life white board for years now (those who know us know what this is) and residing in the land of 10,000 lakes, the water just beckoned. Living in Minnesota we have come to realize how precious our warm weather months are and our dream of owning a boat just became stronger and stronger. Hence, after much budgeting and tinkering with the concept, Dave found our perfect boat, albeit in the month of January and in of all places Alabama. So off he went between snowstorms to drive the 20 hours each way to tow our 21 foot Tahoe back to its new home. We had fun at the boat show in late January envisioning ourselves on OUR boat puttering around but never could have imagined how much fun our summer was going to be.

Now here in late July after finally unofficially naming her TIME OUT, I've taken some time to reflect how this boat has brought us such joy in just a few short weeks.

We had her out on the 42 degree water on Easter since it was a beautiful blue sky morning and we so craved our inaugural ride. Since then we have taken every opportunity to be out on her. We have gone camping "up north" and brought her along to explore Leech Lake, we have explored the many coves of Lake Minnetonka, we have boated to lunch and dinner, we have floated for hours on rafts and we have beached her on tiny islands. We have also learned a thing or too about getting her in/out of the water since the expense of a slip is prohibitive; we have mastered (on most days) the timing of when the public access docks are best to load/unload her and I can now say that I am comfortable with driving her in peak traffic and putting her on/taking her off the trailer with people watching (I was a mess doing this the first few times as a boat does NOT drive like a car especially under windy conditions).

Most of all, I love that being out on the boat has given us ample time to just be a family experiencing these new adventures together! Cole has gone from being a hesitant and clingy swimmer to gleefully motoring about without either of us in the water with him; to witness his confidence increase tenfold has me singing praises about our boat time. Tucker just wants to be with his pack so he is content basking in the sun then retreating to the cool shade under the Bimidi top and taking the occasional dip (we just got a skamper ramp which should make it easier for him to get in/out of the water).

Seeing Dave relax after a crazy week in the ad world as we cruise across the bay makes TIME OUT worth every unexpected penny she has cost us, LOL! And to feel the warmth of the sun on my face as we buzz about the water puts me in my happy place every time.

Life does have a way of bogging us all down and sometimes saps us of our energy. Taking the boat out reinvigorates us and gives us purposeful time to take a step away from the chaos, a much needed TIME OUT!

Will I ever be ready for these conversations?

One night before bed, Cole was in a quieter mood than usual. Typically bedtime is full of laughter and manic behavior as he attempts to wind down from his day. Corralling him into his room takes a bit of maneuvering but once he gets under the covers and we begin reading, his body takes the hint and he settles down. This particular evening, Dave was traveling so I made the assumption that Cole was melancholy about his daddy's absence. I normally let him communicate that rather than prodding him when he isn't ready or willing. So I was startled when the real reason for his mood was revealed.

"Mom, I'm sad about something", he began. I replied "hey buddy what is making you feel this way?". He paused and look a bit apprehensive as if he was struggling with explaining what he felt. I didn't want to push so I just waited as he collected his thoughts "Mom, what do I do if no one wants to play with me?", he softly said. My initial internal reaction was an immediate ache in my heart. I wanted him to share more so I asked "did something happen at school today?". He nodded with tears glistening in his eyes and proceeded to tell me that "X said that he didn't like me today and didn't want to race cars down the hill. Then X said he didn't want to play in the fort and then X pushed me on the slide." Following this description he let out a defeated sigh. My momma bear instincts wanted to irrationally say how all of those interactions weren't very nice but my brain overode that with a reality check. So I tried my best to acknowledge how he was feeling and let him know that it was okay to feel sad about it; that sometimes friends need space or want to do something different than what we want to do and we can feel disappointed but need to go find someone else that wants to join us or try and ask them again in a little while.

Cole quietly listened as I tried to make sense of today's events for him. He looked me in the eyes as I finished and said "thanks mom, I just want to be friends with everyone". I nodded with tears filling my eyes. I kissed the top of his head and hugged him even closer. I walked out of his room with the painful realization that there would be many more of these conversations as the innocence of his past few years is fading fast and is being replaced with an increasingly acute awareness that life can be a not so nice place sometimes.

Observations by Cole...

Cole is as bright and precocious as ever which can be both entertaining and exacerbating but in either case showcases his wit and wisdom which is darn right impressive. Here is the latest and greatest that I've managed to remember to jot down.

Cole and Dave have been unsuccessful this summer with their fishing. Angling is supposed to a calm activity however with a 4 1/2 year casting in a frenzy constantly tangling his line or throwing his hook into boat cushions and the like, fishing has pushed Dave's patience on occasion. After the umpteenth time one afternoon when Cole mangled his line, Dave's voice thundered. It only stopped Cole for a brief moment wherein he then retorted "Dad, your freaking out" followed by a laugh and his infamous impish grin tossed Dave's way. He knew exactly how to crack his daddy's frustration and bring the situation around to a positive again.

I tell Cole often how darn cute he is because simply he is. He normally says "I know" or "thanks, Mom" but one random afternoon after I picked him up from school without me saying anything with regards to his cuteness, he goes "Mom, I'm not cute anymore, I'm cool". The "cool" part was said in a drawn out way. I said "Oh really, well you can be cute AND cool". He replies "No mom, you can't, cute isn't cool". I nervously laughed with the sinking realization that he is losing his naivete. Oh my...

Being an only child has its advantages and disadvantages. He doesn't have to share his time with Dave and I with any other kids but he does have to play independently alone more often than most of his friends. Many times when he wants to race cars, build towers or play pretend we make the time since it is so fleeting and soon he'll not want to play with us anymore. However, the reality is that we cannot always play with him when he wants us too. So taking his innate "sales" ability to a whole other level, he recently says to me when I tell him "no, mommy can't kick the soccer ball around, she needs to feed Tucker and prep dinner", Cole responds "okay, so here's the deal, how bout we kick it 10 times, then you go make me dinner because I'm hungry". So I go "Hmmm, where exactly is the "deal" for me in that? Isn't a deal an agreement by parties that is mutually beneficial?" Cole looks at me blankly since I do tend to use adult logic with him and goes "what did you say, was that a yes?" All I could do was laugh out loud, go kick the soccer ball ten times and make dinner. Some things are just worth giving in too!

One smart cookie...

Cole has always been quite a precocious kiddo with outstanding conversational skills and a vocabulary (and proper use of it) well beyond his years but sometimes I catch myself momentarily stunned when he says something (either during his grand imaginary play or to me directly) and I realize that it isn't the typical musing of a 4 1/2 year old. Once my brain kicks me back a "WOW", I find myself smiling with pride; sometimes Cole catches my expression; he then throws me his impish grin as if to say "I know what you are thinking mom; yep, I'm one smart cookie". And that simply makes him even more impressive...

The Twins with my guys...

This is the first year that Cole has gone to Target Field for Twins baseball games. We are super lucky that Dave's agency has season tickets and on occasion we are able to attend a game with wonderful seats.

Now it goes without saying that a four year old doesn't quite grasp the rules of the game nor is entirely interested with what is going on ON the field. However, Cole suits up in his Twins cap and shirt and oohs and ahhs as we see the stadium and as long as he has a soft pretzel or is digging into a cardboard box of popcorn he is a happy camper. As with anything Cole engages in, he does so with very little sitting. He is up, he is down, he is in Dave's lap, or he is in my lap; he needs to go potty or he wants to get more food.

We are able to watch maybe six innings before we have all had our fill but the experience of attending and watching one of America's past times is beyond value.

*This photo was taken at this past Sunday's game on Father's Day. I love when I catch the both of them unaware; they typically end up some of my favorite shots!

Camping 101: "Living Outside"

I think it is pretty comical when you say you are going or went camping and people reply with the question "in a tent?" As far as I'm concerned that IS camping and there isn't any other form. Yes, you can sleep in a campground in a camper/RV but come on that isn't truly camping when you have toilets/running water and TV's on board!

Anyway we took our inaugural camping trip this past weekend with Cole and Tucker up to Stony Point Campground which is located in Chippewa National Forest on Leech Lake, about 3 hours from the Twin Cities. We towed the boat and had the truck full to its brim with "stuff" but we used 85% of that "stuff" which was pretty impressive since you just never know what your needs may be due to location/weather.

The campground was beautiful and well-run and our site had views of the lake. Cole had been so excited as we packed, pushing the buttons on our lanterns and just generally curious about "living outside". Once onsite, he helped Dave put up the tent as I set up the table and supplies. We then walked out to the point and looked out in awe at the vast body of water (Leech Lake is the 3rd largest lake in MN at 140,000 plus acres). We grilled hot dogs and made s'mores and then nestled in to the tent well before it got dark which in those parts is well after 10pm.

My early riser was up with the birds, literally at 4:45am. We had to keep him quiet at least until 6am so we were grateful for the DVD player, LOL. Tucker and I took a stroll out to the boat dock and watched the sun come up. We cooked up some breakfast and we were on our boat by 8:30am. We tooled around and the boys fished some. We moved to another location and the boys fished again (nada nothing). The water was way too cold to swim so they tried fishing in spot #3 (no luck). We headed back to camp and had an early dinner, then headed back out on the boat for a post-dinner cruise. The sunset was AMAZING, the water calm and lake quiet and peaceful. Back to camp for more s'mores. Another early morning, though not as early and out on the boat again. The storm clouds began to build mid-morning so we headed back to camp and packed up.

Just a short camping adventure but one of many more to come. So many places to explore in our own "backyard" of 10,000+ lakes.

Where is everybody?

So Cole and I went to the movies this week. He can barely sit still for a meal let alone for a 90 minute flick so our trip to the theater was his first ever. It was a gamble of sorts as I had taken him to the kid's live theater twice this past winter and nearly 30 minutes in, he was ready to go but with a Groupon to Fandango about to expire, I said to myself, let's go! So off we went to see Kung Fu Panda 2!

Cole was sooo excited as we made our way up the escalator to the fancy schmancy new cinema here in St. Louis Park. It was midday on a Monday (school isn't out yet) and the foyer was EMPTY. He wanted to get popcorn which he promptly spilled as he turned to RUN down the corridor. :-) We made our way into the barely lighted theater only to find that we had the entire place to ourselves. I thought for sure that at least someone else would show but as the initial trailers began to run and the lights dimmed, NO ONE did. I thought it was cool, Cole kept asking "where is everybody?" He was a bit distressed by it but soon was distracted by the booming Dolby Surround Sound. I haven't even thought about the noise/loudness factor which Cole is very sensitive to. He was a bit shocked during the first really loud piece and I became worried that our maiden trip to the movies would be short-lived but he settled in and except during some scary scenes when he burrowed into my lap, genuinely enraptured by the movie screen.

As the movie ended and the lights came up, he seemed a bit disoriented. It was as if he forgot where he was and that he and I were the only ones there. I asked him if he had a good time and he smiled and said "yeah, that was cool, the good guys won, can we come back and see the new CARS movie tomorrow?". I gave him a big hug and told him that CARS 2 would be playing in a few weeks and we would come back with Daddy! He jumped up and down, shedding the tiny little pieces of popcorn that had become stuck to his shirt/shorts. We both laughed and then he then stopped and said "well, I hope there are more people next time we come since there are so many seats!"

Mommy Day Video

Dave and Cole put this video together for me for Mother's Day. :-) I finally got around to getting the HTML code so that I could post it here:

Happy Mothers Day - 2011 from David Denham on Vimeo.

Happy and content...

I think the most rewarding, heart warming and downright fantastic moment is when at the end of a day, after Cole and I have read books and turned out his lights, snuggled in with his eyes barely able to remain open, he softly says "mommy, I loved this day and I love you because we had so much fun" Pure joy runs through my body knowing my little guy is so content and happy. It elevates me to an emotional place I never could have expected.

Geography A +

I just posted a few weeks back about how geographically aware Cole has shown he is per his comments when driving around. The other day while circling in the Costco parking lot, he was looking at the license plates, repeating "Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota". NOTE: When we have been on road trips out of state, many times in parking lots, Cole will point out that a car isn't from Minnesota because it has a different license plate. As we made our way down the aisle looking for a vacant spot, Cole piped up from the backseat excitedly "Mom, look, that car is from TEXAS!!" Astounded to find he was indeed correct, I asked him how he knew that. With a shrug of his shoulders he goes "I just do". Baffled, I tried to remember if we had ever seen a Texas plate in our travels and I couldn't recall. We do have a map of the United States in his playroom and he has learned about the fifty states through books and Montessori but for him to recognize the license plate which does have the shape of Texas outlined but very small between the first set of numbers and the second was just plain darn impressive. He definitely has a keen sense of observation and sees the details in everything; watching him use these skills gives me a sense of delight and a sneak preview of all the interesting things he will surprise us with in the years to come.

Cole (isms)...

Here are some of the latest and greatest Cole(isms). You never know when they will pop out of his mouth so their unexpectedness adds significant value and entertainment. Enjoy!

We were making cookies one afternoon and as Cole stirred things up for me in the bowl, I kept adding ingredients. The dough was getting stiffer as I added in flour and Cole goes "mom, I think you put in enough dust".

Out on the boat, Cole was determined to fish despite the fact that he had tangled the line in his rod for the umpteenth time and Dave's rod had unfortunately gone overboard. I knew Dave was short on patience so I tried to change Cole's activity to coloring since we had brought cars and other distractions since the water is still too cold to swim in. He didn't want anything to do with me having spent the entire day prior with me inside since it had rained. I was trying desperately to give Dave some peace but on a 21 foot boat there isn't a place to "hide". Dave had his eyes closed and I said "daddy is trying to relax". Cole climbs up on him with his crayons in hand and says "Daddy, coloring is very relaxing!"

Spring came six weeks later than it did last year and thus, we are just now seeing things bloom and the rabbits, squirrels and other creatures return. The other day as we passed the park on our way to the gym, an albino squirrel scampered towards the curb. I quickly pointed him out to Cole as he darted back towards the big walnut tree. Cole goes "mom, what happened to his paint?"

My little bird...

This picture says it all and at least recently is the extent to what we can get Cole to eat at any given time. We have struggled the past six weeks with him and eating. He has always been a grazer and a slow eater, taking over an hour at times to finish his meals but lately our frustration (his and ours) has been mounting. We don't want to force him to eat but he simply needs to eat with the amount of activity he expends.

He drinks enough milk to make a plausible case for buying our own cow but even when we limit his intake of that with hopes of increasing his appetite, he just balks at eating much more than a few pieces of fruit, some noodles and a protein bar. He refuses meat protein other than turkey hot dogs and always has. We have even joked that he will be a vegetarian; although he doesn't like many vegetables either.

He puts on a performance quite worthy of an Academy Award Winner with instantaneous tears and dramatic airs that would usurp most soap opera divas when we ask him to finish what is on his plate. He says he is tired, his tummy hurts, he wants to take a rest, he is full, yada yada yada yada....and yet, 2 minutes later, he is racing around.

So this morning as I vainly attempted to get him to eat his breakfast, I said with impatience "Cole, if you don't eat well, you won't be able to grow tall and strong and become a race car driver". Without even a moment's hesitation, he retorts "but Mom, I don't want to grow up, I want to stay a little boy forever so I can race with you" He even threw in his impish smile as if he knew very well that tugging at my heartstrings would end this ongoing argument (at least for now). *sigh*

Any suggestions are welcome!

I hear the wind among the trees Playing the celestial symphonies; I see the branches downward bent, Like keys of some great instrument. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

We are so lucky to live three houses away from a large local park, Oak Hill. Some of the towering walnut trees have to be hundreds of years old. Sadly, age, disease and/or lightning strikes have damaged quite a few of these beautiful landmarks. Over the past few weeks, we have heard the buzz of chainsaws and the distinct sound of the wood chipper as some of these monuments have been taken down and turned into dust.

One of the trees near the playground that we frequent had been cut into large pieces and lay on their sides. I had shown Cole that the middle of the tree was unfortunately hollow which meant it was sick and in danger of falling over if they had not cut it down. His eyes got all big and he goes "mommy, don't touch it, it has germs because it is sick and we don't want to get sick too". He took a wide berth of the fallen giant every time he circled the playground during his race game, giving it the wary eye as if it was going to sneeze or cough, LOL.

I hope the park decides to plant new trees in the place of the ones that had grown there for so long as though we wouldn't see them grow to the same magnificent stature in our lifetime, it would be comforting to know that someday they would look down on generations of children to come as they played in the same park I watch Cole gleefully scamper about now.

My mini-navigator...

Pulling from the vaults of my memory bank, I believe that I was always interested in geography and maps (mom/dad I think can confirm that??). I remember vividly flipping through the Rand McNally's Road Atlas (the one that was as big as a newspaper page) when we took family road trips; I was fascinated by the unique shapes of the states and the distinct "veins" of highways and secondary roads that coursed through them; dad's road atlas was always dogeared and ratty by year's end from use (and from being tucked down between the seats); thus he would get the updated version EVERY year! I loved following our routes as we headed for whatever destinations. I have also always had a strong sense of direction and an innate ability to navigate well. Maybe that is why Dave and I have done so many road trips together successfully; he has the DNA of a long-haul trucker and I have the human version of a GPS chip in my brain, LOL.

Luckily it seems, Cole has a bit of both of the aforementioned woven through his genes. Since he was about three years old, it became quite apparent that after just ONE trip anywhere, he would remember landmarks, roads and other signposts when we would return indicating that he had recollection of traveling there before. He recognizes highway ramps and buildings literally after having been there or been past them just ONCE! I think the obvious fact that he not only has an outstanding memory but also quite a significant and uncanny knack for direction is just plain impressive coming from a four year old.

I can only hope that with all his exposure to our miles spent trekking here and there that he too will learn how to read and journey using an "old-fashioned" map (if they still continue to make them!) and love all things about the open road.

Oh, the things that Cole says...

I haven't blogged in several months about Cole's latest and greatest one-liners or fantastic quotes but I sure have been keeping a growing log as he has proven to be quite prolific with them! Some of the things he says seem to be spoken out of the blue and seemingly are a once only phenomenon while other phrases have become part of his repertoire, some cute or witty; others not so much. Regardless, he wows us with his advanced use of vocabulary routinely and his uncanny ability to choose the perfect words for the situation. He observes things I never even have myself, he remembers things after seeing/hearing them once and he inquires about things that I never think a four year old would be curious about. Just goes to show that kids teach us more than we could ever teach them. I digress... here are a few of the more memorable Cole quips from the past several months.

In a soft voice with his eyes fighting the power of sleep he often says "mom, I loved this day"; what a great way to express what a good day it was and for this mom to thrill in knowing how content and happy life is for her little guy.

"Well...xxxxxxxxxxx"....Cole prefaces just about every seven out of ten sentences with the word "Well". Nothing like hearing yourself in your child's choice of often-used expressions. Although then is his common use of the word "totally" both before and after statements. Not sure where he picked up the surfer nomenclature but "dude, please stop".

Since I began my training for half-marathons, I have had some issues with my feet including hot spots and blisters. One afternoon following a run, I was sitting on the couch rubbing my foot and Cole asked if my foot hurt. I said, "yes, I have a blister". He came over to look at it and then matter-of-factly with a touch of dare I say sarcasm stated "oh well, I can't do anything for you".

Making pizza one evening for dinner, I put spinach, onions and fresh tomatoes on mine. Cole who was watching from the kitchen stool goes "mom, why do you want salad on your pizza?"

Several times in recent weeks, Cole has remarked "there is no fish in my milk". It was a very odd thing for him to say and thus I had no idea why he was saying it. So I made the assumption that he must have read it in a book or heard it on TV because when I asked him what he meant, he said "I don't member". The origin of this became known today as he stood in the kitchen as I poured his milk for lunch. He pointed at the tiny icon at the bottom of the Horizon Organic Milk carton where there is a fish with a red line through it with teeny tiny text that says there is no fish oil in it (since he drinks organic milk with Omega DHA in it). It was an A-HA moment for me as here I have poured gallons and gallons of milk, I scrutinize labels on 90% of our foods and cleaning agents and yet, I managed to miss this image that my four year old obviously had.

I think the EB is good for maybe one more year!?

There are pros and cons to the age-integrated classrooms at Cole's Montessori school. Since he moved from the toddler room to the preschool side at age 3, Cole's classmates have ranged in age between 3-5 (sometimes even 6 when the kindergarten class joins them). This exposure to a wide array of social interaction has certainly had its advantages but of course, playing and listening to those children older than him has its downside as well.

We had to curb potty talk immediately when Cole picked up some not so nice use of those terms knowing who had contributed to that vocabulary since his finger still readily points in the direction of those who "say it all the time". He also sometimes tests the waters when running around outside or when playing tag, where I have to shout out not to grab or pull on kid's shirts. He retorts with "I know I know but (insert X and X from school) do it to me" I then have to totally sound like a parent by saying "I'm sorry Cole but you don't like that do you? So why would you do that to someone else?"

We hadn't talked much about the Easter Bunny yet since it was several weeks away but we had seen them setting up his booth at the mall. At that time, Cole had asked what they were doing. I replied with "they are setting up the picture backdrop so kids can have their photo taken with the Easter Bunny". He replied "oh okay, I don't want to do that!", which I already knew. Anyway, one morning after getting back from doing errands, there was mention of the Easter Bunny on SproutTV. He goes "mom, remember I don't want to go see the Easter Bunny, he is scary" I didn't want to make a big deal about it so I said "okay buddy, we don't have to go visit him, he'll still come and leave you an Easter basket" He looked at me funny and said "mom, the Easter Bunny is just a big person in a costume" I paused thinking over my response carefully, as I wasn't sure he was 100% believing that. He followed up with "I mean the Easter Bunny at the mall". I sighed in relief internally recognizing he still believed. I said "why do you think that?" He sheepishly answered "well (insert X from school) said that the Easter Bunny at the mall is silly and it isn't real". Again, now I had to answer thoughtfully, as I know he has looked over Santa and the Easter Bunny at the mall before and looked skeptical and really who came blame him, they are a far cry from the elaborate costumes that I see in the pictures of my sister and I with the aforementioned from my youth. The holidays have gotten so commercial, that the Easter Bunny and Santa have both lost their magic replaced with the cheap synthetic costumes that I wouldn't believe were real either if I were four again.

So I said, "well it really only matters what you think about him not what others may say about him. So what do you COLE, believe?" He goes "well, I don't know, maybe the Easter Bunny at the mall is just for babies and little kids". I said, "well that could be..." again hesitating to fill in his thoughts for him. He then changed direction and said "mom, we can still dye eggs and the Easter bunny will hide them, right?" I excitedly said, "absolutely!!".

I'm afraid he is on the fence as his brilliant mind begins to sadly recognize fact from fiction but hopefully for this year, he will accept a visit from the Easter Bunny and simply enjoy his jellybeans as any four year old should!

World Wide Web Meets 4 Year Old Mind...

I can only imagine how a four year old mind processes the concept of the internet. The world wide web did not come into existence until I was in college and yet now kids of the current generation are growing up in households where there are multiple computers and smart phones logged onto to the WWW 24/7.

It is difficult to explain to Cole how these gadgets work as I myself only have a very simple working knowledge. He understands that new games come from my "puter" and I plug my IPHONE into it to download them. He comprehends that Mommy and Daddy's "puters" have different movies and games (he prefers Dave's IPAD but who can blame him!?).

Anyway, the other day when a package arrived from the UPS man, Cole inquired what was in the box. I told him it was his new comforter for his big boy bed, as we had just finally gotten around to buying him an awesome bookcase bed frame; poor kid has been on a mattress/boxspring on the floor since he broke his arm at 20 months. He remembered me showing him it when I ordered it as he said "mommy, it is the same one that was on your "puter"". I agreed and thought nothing more of it.

A few days later, Cole wanted to look at race car tracks on the "puter". So I googled NASCAR and came up with a few sites including some items on Amazon. When he saw the Amazon site, he got all excited. We flipped through a few search pages and clicked on a few tracks to look at them in detail. He pointed at one and said "I like that one" but we continued on looking and eventually he lost interest and walked away.

The next day, Cole kept asking about the postman and when he was coming. It was an odd question since he had never mentioned the postman previously. I just thought he had a new found interest in when the mail came. Finally, his anticipation was bubbling over and he blurted out "well, mommy, you clicked on the "puter" yesterday so my racetrack should be here soon right!?" It was an "a-ha" moment for me as I realized that maybe I shop online just a wee too much.

Why....

Cole has always disliked wearing button down shirts or anything with a collar. I can't blame him really, they do tend to be more confining and restrictive than t-shirts. However, simply there are times where he needs to be more dressed up.

Recently, I was putting him in a button-down as he had field trip to the Children's Museum with his school. He squirmed and fidgeted as I did my best to align his slim arms into the sleeves without creating any bunching. I kept getting the rolled eye glare like I was making him eat broccoli or drink carrot juice. As I made once last attempt to straighten his shirt and comb his hair, he gives me a huge sigh and says "why do I have to be so handsome?" All I could do was burst into laughter and reply honestly "because you look just like your daddy!"

Speed Limit 100...

As my Mario Andretti races around the house, I remind him as I watch him veer in a zig zag fashion and see him narrowly miss impact with the door frame that he must be a careful racecar driver and remain in control, less he spin out, careen into a wall and lose the race. With the utmost conviction in his voice, Cole replies "...but mom, I have to go 100 miles ago to win!". I laugh out loud and say "you mean 100 miles an hour?" He looks at me with such exasperation and says "no, mom 100 miles ago, I'm just playing pretend!"

So you don't forget...

So sadly in recent weeks, I have had to have conversations with Cole about what death means.

In late February, Cole's close buddy Benjamin's doggie passed away
and I tried to best explain that when someone/something dies that we care about, they are no longer here for us to see or be with like we have gotten used to but that we have the memories that we have created with them forever and we can always always still love that person/pet. I expressed that when people/pets die they become angels up in heaven. He then asked about heaven (as Dave and I don't go to church, we haven't exactly gotten around to sharing with him about god and heaven). So I said well, heaven is way above the clouds. Angels live in heaven and can fly and see us but we can't see them. I then began tripping over myself as I didn't want to say too much and confuse him.

Cole seemed to grasp the idea that Benjamin's doggie was "gone" but bless his four year old innocence when he said "well don't be sad mommy, Benjamin's doggie can fly".

Two weeks later, shocking news of our next door neighbor's father's car accident and death. It knocked the breathe out of me as I read the text that Debbie sent. I sat down on the couch barely able to dial the phone to inform Dave. A tragedy beyond comprehension that had us reeling since we had gotten to know Dave Brekke over the past several years. I was so sad and cried openly in front of Cole. He came over and asked "mommy why are you feeling this way?". He hugged me as I explained that Jesse's (our neighbor) daddy was killed in an accident, that he had died. His eyes got big as he stated "so he is not here anymore, right?" I nodded and he goes "...but mommy, it is okay to be sad but Jesse's daddy is an angel now" which just made me cry harder as I listened to my little boy try to make ME feel better.

Two days later, Jesse came over into our yard with Coogee his lab. I had said the day before to Cole, that he should draw Jesse a picture. He had said he would and took off to do so. I honestly had forgotten about it. Cole ran downstairs when he saw Jesse and came back with a sheet of paper with blue circular squiggles and his name written on it. He then proceeded to tell Jesse as he handed him the paper that "here are the clouds where your daddy lives now". Jesse asked if he could take the picture to show his mom. Cole matter of factly retorts "sure but don't forget to bring it home to put on your refrigerator so you don't forget to look up at the clouds"

Until it was necessary, I never knew how difficult it could be to define death and make sense of it in the most honest way he could understand. As an adult, death, especially when it comes unexpectedly doesn't make sense to me but as a parent, my role is not to interject my personal feelings but to give Cole enough information to feel comfortable enough to come up with his own interpretation. Obviously, he has done exactly that.