So you don't forget...

So sadly in recent weeks, I have had to have conversations with Cole about what death means.

In late February, Cole's close buddy Benjamin's doggie passed away
and I tried to best explain that when someone/something dies that we care about, they are no longer here for us to see or be with like we have gotten used to but that we have the memories that we have created with them forever and we can always always still love that person/pet. I expressed that when people/pets die they become angels up in heaven. He then asked about heaven (as Dave and I don't go to church, we haven't exactly gotten around to sharing with him about god and heaven). So I said well, heaven is way above the clouds. Angels live in heaven and can fly and see us but we can't see them. I then began tripping over myself as I didn't want to say too much and confuse him.

Cole seemed to grasp the idea that Benjamin's doggie was "gone" but bless his four year old innocence when he said "well don't be sad mommy, Benjamin's doggie can fly".

Two weeks later, shocking news of our next door neighbor's father's car accident and death. It knocked the breathe out of me as I read the text that Debbie sent. I sat down on the couch barely able to dial the phone to inform Dave. A tragedy beyond comprehension that had us reeling since we had gotten to know Dave Brekke over the past several years. I was so sad and cried openly in front of Cole. He came over and asked "mommy why are you feeling this way?". He hugged me as I explained that Jesse's (our neighbor) daddy was killed in an accident, that he had died. His eyes got big as he stated "so he is not here anymore, right?" I nodded and he goes "...but mommy, it is okay to be sad but Jesse's daddy is an angel now" which just made me cry harder as I listened to my little boy try to make ME feel better.

Two days later, Jesse came over into our yard with Coogee his lab. I had said the day before to Cole, that he should draw Jesse a picture. He had said he would and took off to do so. I honestly had forgotten about it. Cole ran downstairs when he saw Jesse and came back with a sheet of paper with blue circular squiggles and his name written on it. He then proceeded to tell Jesse as he handed him the paper that "here are the clouds where your daddy lives now". Jesse asked if he could take the picture to show his mom. Cole matter of factly retorts "sure but don't forget to bring it home to put on your refrigerator so you don't forget to look up at the clouds"

Until it was necessary, I never knew how difficult it could be to define death and make sense of it in the most honest way he could understand. As an adult, death, especially when it comes unexpectedly doesn't make sense to me but as a parent, my role is not to interject my personal feelings but to give Cole enough information to feel comfortable enough to come up with his own interpretation. Obviously, he has done exactly that.