Just a mom...

I am sure many of you have received the "story" that comes at the end of my dialogue. As we approach Mother's Day I thought it was most appropriate to make it the theme of this week's post. I know I have felt over the past 17 months the unnecessary sting of answering an inquiry about what I do for a living. The first time the question was casually thrown my way was my first dinner party following Cole's birth. It came from a woman who I didn't know at all. I remember vividly my awkward pause and my feeble response of "I'm a stay at home mom".

The woman who had no children of her own politely said "oh that's nice" which was followed by dreadful silence. I felt my face go hot and my mind swirled attempting damage control of the conversation. I mustered up the courage to volley back the same question and she went on for what seemed like ten minutes about her architectural firm. I couldn't extricate myself fast enough to regroup and find my feet again.

Why had I felt so indistinct and lame when I was posed this common question? Here I was doing the most revered job of all and yet I felt ostracized at the same time. I swore to myself that the next time this came up I would be proud of my new status and state with confidence that I was a MOM. I shouldn't care what a stranger or random individual thought of my job title, I hadn't cared before so why now? I have pondered this and realized that motherhood was a new territory for me and in my fledgling months, everything about it seemed such an out of body experience, I was working in automatic survival mode. Eventually I did have time to think again and I then had trouble understanding these raw emotions as they tumbled over one another. My world had been affected in every way and that included my grasping the meaning of my new identity.

Since that time, I have found my "new" solid ground. The soil isn't always firm and thus I lose my footing and trip up but I brush myself off and journey through that day's maze. When asked during a recent event for Dave's company "so what do you do for work?", I answered with poise and composure, "I'm a stay at home mom to our son, Cole". It has taken me some time to acknowledge how important staying at home with Cole has been but the wisdom has come. With wisdom comes strength. With strength comes pride. I am proud to be Cole's mom and oh so lucky.

Happy Mother's Day to all of those who are more than JUST A MOM!!!



A woman renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office,
was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

What I mean is, explained the recorder,
do you have a job or are you just a ...?'

Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.

I'm a Mom.

We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation,'housewife' covers it,
Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself
in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

What is your occupation? she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

Might I ask, said the clerk with new interest, just what you do in your field?

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more
distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'