A lesson in sharing by Tucker...

Learning to share has been one of the more challenging feats to teach Cole. It is a constant ongoing dialogue in this house as he plays with us and his friends. I am constantly reminding him that we share snacks, balls, crayons, but most importantly his trucks.

Cole's trucks are his beloved possessions and thus handovers to others are a very rare event. He could be carrying around a handful or playing in a separate room and if a playmate even eyes one laying on the floor, the shriek of "don't even think about it buster" goes out. Many vain attempts have been made, once a peer actually picks up one of Cole's fleet, to calm him down out of his obvious (to everyone) discomfort. He becomes so agitated and his distress so palpable it is beyond the typical parental reaction "Cole we need to be able to share our toys". Cole hoards his trucks at home, at the rec center and at playdates. I do my best to keep him to two trucks (one for each hand) but many times he manages to balance as many as humanely possible which actually keeps him from being able to play with them at all but try explaining that to a two year old.

So we struggle each time we have this "situation". I consistently ask to see and hold his trucks when I play with him one-on-one to let him know that I too can enjoy them and will ultimately return them to him so that he may use them once again. Sometimes he hesitates but hands them over like they are fine china watching me carefully until I hand them back and he snatches them and runs away as if he is afraid I will ask for them back again; sometimes he readily brings them to me and deposits a whole caravan on my desk and says "mommy push" so that I will push them back and forth with him; other times he states vehemently "no mommy" when I ask to play with them and darts me a glance that says "don't ask again".

So the other day while we were couped up once again on a bitter cold day, I had both kids (Tucker and Cole) down in the basement playroom. Tucker was antsy and wanted to play fetch with his stuffed woodchuck (not the real thing of course). Cole likes to grab poor Tucker's toys and run away with them so Tucker will chase him. He giggles with glee as Tucker gently (oh so gentle he is with Cole) tugs for his toy. Cole tugs back but is unwilling to release. Tucker looks my way with a "please mom, make him drop it" plea in his eyes. Normally, I make Cole drop the toy so Tucker can romp away making himself happy squeaking the toy, while Cole pouts and whines that I let Tucker have his toy. So I decided to make this a teaching lesson about sharing. As Cole got over his fit and ran after Tucker to wrestle the toy away I said firmly "Cole, Tucker is willing to share his toys with you, can you share with Tucker"? Cole looked at me quizzically but released his grip on the toy allowing Tucker to trot back to me. I played tug with Tucker for a few seconds while Cole watched us both. I then said, "Okay, Tucker is ready to share again". Cole came running over with a smile and Tucker dropped the toy at his feet. Cole ran away as Tucker chased him but this time when Tucker tugged, Cole let go and laughed. Instead of immediately fussing, Cole ran over to us and Tucker once again liberated the woodchuck. This went back and forth for a few more intervals with both parties playing and sharing together!

Since that day, they continue to play well and in a similar fashion. Cole sometimes needs a prompt but he routinely will let Tucker retrieve his toy without a fight. I don't think Cole is ready for the same level of sharing with his peers quite yet. But I thought it was great that using Tucker as a catalyst for understanding how fun sharing can be allowed Cole to better understand that two-way street. I give kudos to my cherished canine for letting me use him to tackle the issue from a new perspective.