It has been three years this month that I began writing pieces for this blog, THREE YEARS...holy toledo, that is 36 months of capturing in words my role as a first time mom and approximately 1080 days of content for sharing snippets of our lives as Cole experienced the world around him and we came along for the ride.
My original posts tended to lean heavy on what becoming a mom meant to my identity, as it seemed in a flash I was no longer who I had been before December 6, 2006. My name was the same, my face was the same but internally I felt like a stranger in my own skin. In those early years, Cole's presence I felt right down to my bones, literally and figuratively. I will never forget those initial months when his colic ruled my every waking hour. It was the most all encompassing period that my heart, mind and soul had ever been forced to reckon with. There was so much change to so many aspects of my life that I was both overwhelmed and overjoyed and trying to find a happy medium. The roller coaster of emotions in that first year or two was truly life altering and though I knew as I held Cole in my arms the night of his delivery that I would never be the same, I could have never have been less prepared for what was ahead of me. Parenthood shapes you without a doubt, some days like a bat whacking you over the head, while other days it comes at you gently like falling rain.
The intensity of parenthood is constantly changing, its dynamics insisting on shifting when you least anticipate it and for someone like me who previously liked life to be in neat bundles, scheduled and expected, becoming a mom has been a lesson about living in the present and reveling in the moment(s)because I already find myself pondering "where have the past four years gone"?
Life is much easier these days and my blog posts now are more about the quirky, witty, smart and funny "stuff" that Cole entertains us with. He is a comedian, a scientist, a bookworm, a picky eater, a giggler, a snuggler and very much a BOY! I'm so lucky and grateful everyday for having him grace our lives.
He can do so many things without me now and though a relief in large part, a sadness envelopes me at times when I think of things he no longer needs me for. The push and pull of his growth and development is a constant reminder that Cole is forging his way in this crazy world and finding the ways in which he can best navigate life's maze. Thankfully, for now, he does still need my guiding hand.
So I look forward to the next 143 posts as a raise my rascal one day at a time...
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