Cole was a fussy baby (who could blame him with the forced eviction from my womb that bruised and battered him so) but with four months of colic to contend with, my coping mechanism was to find control where and when I could. If that meant a military precise feeding and sleeping schedule, then my saving grace was that I could and did create one.
Having a baby/toddler fall into such a routine was a blessing and curse. It provided me secure and known windows of peace to regroup and yet tethered me to an unyielding daily monotony; it also made Cole very determined to communicate his displeasure to alterations in his strict schedule; flexibility was not on his preferred menu. He was very attuned from the get-go to changes in his environment such as sound, temperature, light and energy. He did not like unfamiliar people or places despite my many varied attempts at exposing him to both. Leaving him with a babysitter was heart wrenching, taking him to a loud public place was overwhelming for him (and consequently me), trying to leave him to play with other kids while I worked out lasted 20 minutes (tops!) before they would page me. Cole was sensitive to too much sound and stimuli. I didn't want to avoid such things as I knew he needed to learn to process it and yet, my mother bear instincts also wanted to protect him from things that upset him.
When he started at Montessori at 18 months, I sobbed in the car after every drop off for weeks, knowing I was doing the right thing for both of us to give us a break from one another. Yet, I was so conflicted. It was such a balance those first two years of his life.
It truly wasn't until he turned three and a half or so that Cole began to break free of his reserved shell a bit. He would more readily engage with "strangers" after after an initial ten minutes of shyness and on his terms he would begin interacting with others whether it be at music class, a friend's house for playdate or a place such as museum. Once he was comfortable with the people and surroundings it was hard to believe that he had been reticent at all.
To this day, Cole tends to hesitate when in a new situation. His personality is one that prefers to watch and wait; he almost always jumps in but only when he is ready. I think as a result, he has honed what I feel is his innate ability to read others well. Taking time to observe and slowly join whatever activity is going on not only allows him to "warm-up" to it but fosters a uncanny knack, for his age, of empathy. He often shares with me "so and so seems sad about X" or "X was really scared about Y". Typically, what he is talking about are events where kids are not crying or visibly upset but where their more subtle body language is expressing their emotions; surveying a room while he waits to feel comfortable has given him outstanding people-watching skills and an extremely intuitive and keen interpretation of emotional and social awareness.
Hence, he is very conscientious about other's feelings which I can only hope continues as he grows into a young man. Cole does wear his heart on his sleeve and will be the first one to share with you if you have hurt his feelings, his brow furrowed with disappointment but being a sensitive soul certainly has its merits and is a strength and a gift in a time where everyone is always in a rush and the nuances of others typically go unnoticed.
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