Another "first"...

I remember the moment you were born amidst the bright lights of the OR, hearing you yowl at being evicted after such a lengthy labor; all I could see were your feet since the drape was blocking my view, thus I commented on how large they were and to this day, that vision flashes before me...

I remember endlessly walking circles with you for almost four months in our Washington, DC brownstone's main level pleading with you to stop your colicky crying.

I remember watching you sleep so peacefully since it was such a rare event.

I remember your first smile, your first words, your first foods, your first steps, your first birthday. As your mom, I remember them all as they slowly weave together to form who you are and are yet to become.

I realize that each "first" means you are one step further away from depending on me and relying on yourself and that is how it should be.

As you got on the big yellow bus yesterday to embark on a new and exciting adventure, I was so thrilled to see you so excited. You showed no apprehension, just a curiosity and confidence that made me proud. I hugged you extra tight as the bus rounded the corner and you squirmed away as you wanted to watch it come down our block. Dad and I waved as you bounded aboard and took your seat, not looking back, just ahead. We waited as the bus turned and headed out of sight. My feet remained glued to the corner as the tears rolled down my face. I was so happy for you and yet felt such melancholy as the morning was such a bittersweet reminder to my psyche that things were changing.

Some of your "firsts" just etch themselves more vividly in my heart. Your "first" day of kindergarten will definitely be one of those.