48 +1

Here I sit on the brink of a New Year...literally 8 hours and change left until 2011. I've written 48 posts this calendar year on my blog. That is 4 each month. That was my "promise" to myself as we entered 2010, to continue capturing my journey as a parent. It is scary to realize how much I have forgotten already about Cole's first few years until I read back through my initial blog entries. So the importance of writing here takes on new meaning when I recognize this is where my memories are being stashed.

I don't make resolutions typically as there isn't much I want to change in my life, I'm happy with much of what I've done or do. However, there are things I desire to learn, skills I wish to enhance and items on my "bucket" list and those are things that I think about as we enter another year.

As a mom, I am in a constant state of growth. You cannot be a parent and not be affected by everything your child does (or doesn't do). I find myself either patting myself on the back or questioning what I could do better. I love that I have fostered Cole's love of books by visiting the library EVERY week, it has just become a part of our routine and he expects it. I cringe when he won't say thank you or mutters it looking down at the ground. My heart smiles when he says I love you or kisses my cheek out of the blue. I want to hide when he grabs a toy at playdate or vehemently refuses to share.

There is a steady push/pull dynamic at work most days but I think we have found the proper "formula" to keep things even-keeled a majority of the time. On the days where things are obviously not working in our favor, my patience becomes lost or I raise my voice, the guilt I feel is heavy. So I always (sometimes more quickly than others) follow up with my rascal to reinforce that no matter how angry or frustrated I get, that I always love him. He tells me "he knows that" very matter of factly so I feel assuaged by his confident reply and yet disappointed in myself for feeling that conflicted in the first place.

So though there are many things I wish to learn (to knit for one) or desire to maintain (such as my blogging), I am making a resolution to try and find the teaching opportunity (both for me and my son) in every situation, to take a breath before reacting (or over-reacting) and remember that Cole's presence should make me a better person. Although I want him to grow up understanding the many varied emotions of life, I also hope that he learns that he is in control of his attitude and master of his approach to whatever falls onto his path as he navigates this crazy world.

And with that 49th post, I end 2010 and begin blogging anew in 2011. Cheers!

All aboard...

Several months ago I knew that this Christmas would be the first Christmas that Cole got excited about the holiday and all its magic. Before Halloween, several stores had lights and tinsel and wrapping paper in its aisles and Cole began talking about Santa. Last year, he didn't ask too many questions or inquire about the how's and why's of Santa's deliveries. 2010 has been another tale. He has wanted to know where Santa shops and does he go to Costco since that was where the concrete mixer he wants is at. He looked puzzled everytime we had a fire in our fireplace and wanted to know how Santa wouldn't burn himself when he visited. He learned about reindeer at school and point blank asked me how they were able to fly without wings!

So for several weeks he talked again and again about the Tonka concrete mixer AND then he went to the Monster Truck Jam with Dave in early November and the only thing he wanted was BLUE THUNDER. This ended up as the theme for his birthday and he talked about BLUE THUNDER almost everyday for the rest of the month. We then traveled to Colorado and he met his cousins for the first time and the universe again shifted when he walked into Max's house and he laid eyes on the POLAR EXPRESS TRAIN. Cole has not had a meltdown like he did that afternoon when we had to leave to head back to the hotel probably since he was two. He whined and fussed the entire drive about the POLAR EXPRESS TRAIN and he wanted to know exactly when we would go back to Max's so that he could see it again.

Upon our return to MN, we attempted for the 4th year in a row to have a smiling picture of Cole and Santa. No can do. He froze and wouldn't even look at Santa until much coaxing took place. He muttered and mumbled when Santa asked him what he wanted but he did manage to say he really wanted the POLAR EXPRESS and monster truck. (The concrete mixer had been replaced obviously, too bad Santa had already shopped early).

Anyhow, most of December Cole kept up his incessant questioning of how Santa would know to go to GIGI and POP POP's and would he be able to get BLUE THUNDER since they were difficult to find. We watched POLAR EXPRESS about a week before Christmas on TV and he was captivated and talked about the "bell" in the days after.

Anyway, this was our year of TWO Christmas'...one celebrated a week earlier because we were headed to Pennsylvania to see family for the REAL Christmas. Santa had been notified to deliver Cole's packages there of course! We road tripped it the nearly 20 hours east. Our third big road trip of the year as a family and the 6th (or 7th) for Dave!

Christmas Eve, Cole was all about questions again, peering up the chimney and wanting me to read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" multiple times. Christmas morning we crept down the stairs and he cautiously peeked around the corner and there it was all set up, the POLAR EXPRESS TRAIN...his eyes got big and he hesitated and then said momentarily crestfallen "where's the monster truck?" We replied that other presents may be under the tree and he ran out to my mom and dad's sun porch where the tree was, not seeing anything other than wrapped gifts, he rushed back and exclaimed as if he was seeing again for the first time "SANTA brought me the POLAR EXPRESS TRAIN". He then proceeded to start it up and show POP POP how it worked. He shook the bell that came with it and smiled.

Yes, BLUE THUNDER was indeed under the tree and he was certainly excited about that but the POLAR EXPRESS TRAIN now set up in our playroom and run everyday reminds us all that it is important to just BELIEVE!

The latest Cole quips...

I can barely keep track of Cole's one-liners as of late...he has become quite the comedian. The most amusing aspect is that he is so aware of when he is saying something to get attention versus stating something without that intention. Here is a mix of both his entertaining "Coleisms" as well as just some of his more personal remarks (those he uses more regularly, typically when he is unhappy).

"I love you just a little bit right now"-commonly used when he is doesn't get his way.

"that's a bummer man"-not sure where he heard this, but he uses it correctly and always laughs at himself when he does.

"it's not my favorite"-said every day at every meal, at 4 years old, the most picky child when it comes to food. This is followed by "will it make me sick?"-which makes me cringe since I put so much effort into cooking.

He confuses taking junk to the dump with "can I go with daddy to the junk to dump things?"-although he really isn't that far off it just sounds funny.

When he does something that he knows is bordering on misbehavior but knows he can still push the envelope some he retorts with "I'm little that's what I do".

How can he be FOUR?

Each year I find myself incredulous that Cole is another year older (with an entirely different frame of mind than say when I turn another year older).

His birthday this year seem to sneak up on me. BAM, it was early November and I was in need of planning out his birthday party. On first contemplation I thought a NASCAR theme was going to be the central decor for the cake/paper supplies/balloons only to quickly change gears when he and Dave attended the MONSTER TRUCK Jam and Cole's world became seriously about these crazy trucks with huge wheels and even crazier names.

Every year when I begin this process, I also begin a period of reflection where I look at the past year's photographs of Cole, read through my blog posts about his growth and behavior and review the stack of doodles, school papers, artwork and various clippings, ticket stubs, entry passes and such which offer snippets of the memories and adventures that we/he created/experienced. I have made it a conscious effort since becoming a mom, to bring my camera everywhere, to write each week and to put together yearly scrapbooks as life is so so precious and time is more then obviously fleeting. To have physical evidence of what has transpired and a record of sorts of where he/we were 365 days ago and where he/we are 12 months later has become a more sentimental journey for me (maybe I'm just getting emotionally mushy as approach the BIG 40)

However this year the tears have flowed more easily than ever. I realized thanks to what life had planned for me earlier this year simply how important it is to chronicle and cherish life. My mind flashbacks ever so often to offer me a reminder that I am lucky to still be here, watching my son find his way. And with that forever etched in my fabric I reveled in the celebration of his birthday this year more than before. Watching him run, jump and tumble with his friends, feeling the excited frenzy of ten 4 year olds and seeing the smile on his face as he enjoyed the special attention made my heart warm a dozen times over.

Happy 4th Birthday to my pickle! It is a privilege and blessing to be your mommy! I look forward to what your fifth year has in store for us.

Let's bring back the "magic"...

So several months ago (yes, in early October), Costco began showing Christmas inventory. Ribbons, bows, wrapping paper, light wrapped reindeer...oh my...where the heck were the pumpkins, witches and huge bags of Halloween candy??

Cole and I meandered around because he was already counting down the days until Christmas. I knew that this year would be the first year that he was truly aware and excited about Santa's arrival. He was asking a lot of questions about how Santa would know that we wouldn't be at our house this year but at Gigi and PopPop's. Did Gigi and PopPop have a chimney? He inquired how Santa would know that he wanted the Tonka Concrete Mixer Truck that he was admiring as we walked through the toy section and how would Santa know that he had to come to Costco to get it?

Every subsequent trip we made to Costco in October and November, Cole wanted to rush over to see if the Concrete Mixer was still there. There were fewer and fewer each visit and he was worried that there wouldn't be any left for Santa, since it was still a "long long time" until Christmas. I did my best to assuage his concern saying that Santa had elves that shopped early. We had also written Santa a letter just after Halloween (I just couldn't do it before then)to let him know that he wanted the Concrete Mixer.

Then Cole went to the Monster Truck Jam with Dave in mid-November and Cole's interest turned a 180 degrees. Everything was about Monster Trucks; Blue Thunder was his favorite but Captain's Curse and Grave Digger were close behind. He wanted a Monster Truck birthday cake/party theme. He talked EVERYDAY about crushing cars, vrooming his three small scale monster trucks all around the house. Then one day, he said, "mom, I want a BIG BLUE THUNDER monster truck for Christmas, I don't want the concrete mixer anymore" I said, well, we already wrote to Santa so we need to let him know that you changed your mind. I knew that we were going to see Santa after Thanksgiving at Tonkadale Nursery as he only visited two days there so you can tell him then!

The past three years, Cole had cowered and buried himself in my lap as we approached Santa. I thought briefly that maybe this year things would be different but alas he froze and refused to look at Santa, he mumbled his wishes with much prompting but another year, another shy little boy...who can really blame him? We ask a lot of kids as we teach them to be wary of strangers and yet we expect them to easily embrace a man with a beard and funny clothes who comes around once a year.

It got me thinking...maybe rather than Christmas arriving earlier and earlier every year over saturating us with holiday "cheer" before we have even enjoyed a Kit Kat, Whoppers or Snickers Bar, we need to get back to the basics and bring back the "magic" of Christmas, letting children "believe" in something much bigger than themselves, letting their imaginations create the joy and excitement that I remember feeling on Christmas morning...rather than diluting the "wonder" by having a holiday season that is 3 months in the making...

Out of the mouth of....

We spent our Thanksgiving Day holiday and long weekend in Colorado this year.  Cole had never met Dave's sisters and families (four cousins).   It meant another Denham road trip which we are near experts at executing. This time it was 15 hours each  way including stops.  There wasn't much to look at in Iowa and Nebraska other than vast farmland but the weather was clear which we were thankful for.  Cole and Tucker both are such road trip warriors.  They have spent many many many hours and miles having adventures criss-crossing the country.  This was the first time though that Cole began with "are we there yet? are we in Colorado?  This is taking a lonnnngggg time!" 

For this getaway and to make things easier we stayed in downtown Denver at a dog-friendly hotel.  We had quite a few hours to fill between visits and a whole morning on Thanksgiving to ourselves.  This year, many stores were open and surprisingly (to me) the parking lots were full.  We took advantage of this odd change to holiday tradition (as it seems fewer and fewer people actually get holidays off anymore) and walked around the HUGE Bass Pro Shop Lodge.  Wow, talk about an experience.  Dave and Cole were like two kids running around.  Cole wanted to sit on every ATV, climb in every boat, play with the monster truck display, race cars in the kid's area and sit in the tents.  I was more of a shopper and decided to splurge on a nice windproof jacket.

We drove around a lot to find parks for Cole and Tucker, headed up to Boulder to see the town and have lunch, and spent time with Aunts Katie, Kelley, and Uncle Sean, Dan and the kids, along with of course enjoying a yummy Thanksgiving dinner (green chiles and cilantro under the skin of the turkey, best bird I've ever had) and lively conversation!  We also enjoyed an evening at the Denver Zoo walking around under the festive holiday lights. 

As we headed out early to begin our trek back to Minnesota, we were trying to get things situated in the truck before leaving the hotel garage.  It was dark, cold and we were all tired.   After a wee bit of grumbling, we got on the highway and watched a beautiful sunrise with the snow-capped Rockies bathed in the morning glow.  Cole was all chatty and being quite funny.  Dave and I had been talking and Cole kept coming up with witty remarks.  Dave goes "you have all the answers huh?" and without a moment's hesitation Cole volleys back "yes, that is what I do". 

Would he like a Job??

So Cole and I take the Volvo over to the dealer for its oil change earlier this week.  We got a coupon for $20 off if we came in between 3:30-5:30pm.  Always waiting for a significant deal on anything, this was an easy discount to take them up on.  Borton Volvo has a great kid's play area too so Cole and I dropped off our car in the bay and headed inside.  He wanted to walk around the showroom especially since they had the crash test dummy set up.  He loved the convertible too and wanted to climb inside but I said no, we could only look.  Then he got all excited when he saw a Volvo with its hood up.  He ran over and started running his hand over the exposed engine with its shiny parts.  The manager and a sales guy were chatting a few feet from us and had given us a smile when we first entered.  Cole edged his way slowly around the front and sides of the car, staring wide-eyed at the engine compartment and said quite loudly, "mommy, it is so beautiful".  I laughed out loud and began to reply when one of the two reps go "that was great, does he want a job?".  Cole got shy at this point since he dislikes being the center of attention but was thrilled when the manager brought him over a Volvo scaled-model car.  He takes a look at it after saying thank you and says "but mommy this isn't our Volvo".  The manager goes "wow, he knows his Volvos huh"?

A mom moment...

Cole caught a bug this week, probably thanks to Dave and I who have been coping with it ourselves. Typically Cole is the carrier but I think things happened in reverse this time. They should make light switches, door knobs, kitchen pulls and faucet handles with anti-microbial resistance finishes.  Maybe that will be my million dollar idea!!

With a terribly runny nose, a dry cough and just an overall icky feeling, Cole mustered through our first (of many I'm sure) winter colds.  I will not send him to school with a cough of any sort.  I just won't no matter how it complicates my ability to work.  As for the runny nose, his sensitive skin breaks down with continuous use of tissues so I have special saline wipes and use an arsenal of homeopathic products to try and avoid chapping his skin any further.  He was a trooper and though a little less energetic than usual, he wanted to play and do the things he normally does. 

He doesn't nap anymore and though once in a blue moon he will fall asleep on the couch or in the car midday, by day's end when he is sick, one can anticipate that PATIENCE be on the menu for dinner as his body is DONE and trying to tell him (and everyone else) so.  Bedtime can be difficult as once overtired he almost becomes manic and trying to subdue him can be a test. 

On day three of his cold/cough, he was working on fumes as we finished up reading our books.  He wanted me to snuggle with him.  As I wrapped my arms around him and began to feel his breathing slow (although raspy), he turns to me and says "mommy sing to me".

In that moment, I felt the tears spring to my eyes as it had been many many months since I sang him lullabies.  I used to sing to him every night and then one evening last winter he had said "mommy I don't want you to sing to me anymore".  I remember that so vividly because it was like a dagger to my heart.  It was him sharing that he didn't need that from me anymore.  I also remember replying "okay buddy",  got him settled with lights out and my upbeat "sweet night nights" then leaving his room with tears rolling down my face.

Now he wanted the comfort of my off-tune voice.  Ever so briefly,  my mind scanned itself to bring up the lyrics and melodies of those stashed away lullabies.  I began to hum them at first and soon the words were flowing out.  I sang for 10 minutes or so and watched his face soften and his hands go limp.  I would have stayed there all night and sang to him.  I was so touched that in his sickness he still needed something from me that was far beyond providing a sleeve to wipe his nose on.  It was certainly another mom moment...

My Little "Maverick"

We went to the Air Show in St. Cloud in June and we ended up spending the entire day there since there was so many jaw-dropping aeronautics taking place.  The Blue Angels and the Stealth Fighter Jet were the most amazing.  We were on the hunt for the Blue Angels replica jet as soon as we saw another little boy with one.  Cole is still playing with it though its one wing has been superglued together numerous times.

I got the idea for Cole's Halloween costume after attending that show as I thought how cool that would be to dress up in a jumpsuit with patches, a helmet and dog tags.  Cole's grandfather Denham and Great-Grandfather Roger were both military pilots.  So I searched high and low until I found what I wanted.

Halloween is still a bit challenging for Cole since he is wary of strangers and understandably questions why we want him to dress up and go up to the doors of people he doesn't know to get candy (and he doesn't like candy except for lollipops) but I think in due time, he will begin to embrace the holiday.

My little observer...

Driving back from school one day last week, we were on Rt. 394 and the winds were howling. The low pressure storm that had sat on us for two days had brought down tree branches and made the house shake. I had both hands on the steering wheel trying to keep the Volvo from being blown into the other lanes. The gusts could quite literally do that as I watched other cars less prepared sway in and out like they were being driven by drunk drivers.

Cole and I got off the highway headed towards home and a plastic bag swirled up out of nowhere and came directly at the car. It bounced off the Volvo's hood and danced away as if twirling to a symphony. From the back seat I heard Cole pipe up and say matter of factly "well, that's not something you see everyday". As I cracked up at his adult-like observation, he looked at me as I smiled at him in the rear-view mirror and in all seriousness said "well, you don't".

My little "fix-it" man...

Super-Glue, scotch tape, a dedicated drawer of batteries, doll-house sized tools and some engineering mom magic have saved many of Cole's toys from landing in the trash. I make a diligent attempt at salvaging whatever truck/car/engine/digger has malfunctioned, lost a part, stopped turning or whirling or is just dying a slow death due to its much-loved status. I swear that the quality control they use for testing the 3-5 year old BOY range of toys doesn't come close to reality. How many stairs do they drop them down? Do they truly put them through front end "crashes"? Are they stepped on repetitively? Is every part that moves twisted and turned a billion times?

Typically he is my captive audience as I mumble and moan inwardly (or not so inwardly) trying to either jury rig a fix, remove a screw the size of a pin head or prevent Super-Glu from touching anything other than the intended target (I'm successful 6/10 times on that since the parts are so tiny that the pliers slip 6/10 times).

Cole peppers me with questions (as I continue to try to keep my potty mouth from actually escaping my lips) and I do my best to describe what I am doing and why since he is so curious about EVERYTHING. Sometimes I can give the toy back after it has been through the "mom shop" but other times I have to prop it up to dry or set. Cole looks longingly at it and asks every minute "is it ready yet?"

Cole is as careful as a four year old boy can be expected to be with his things but unfortunately he is learning that sometimes things cannot be repaired, that his mom will give a valiant effort but in the end, sometimes we have to just simply say good-bye and adopt the next item with wheels from the playbin. Luckily, though he does have allegiance to a handful of toys, he is still young enough that he gets over his grief quickly.

So the other day, I hear him tinkering around downstairs while I am prepping dinner. As most moms can relate to, the normal sounds of play are what we unconsciously "listen" for. No matter how involved we may be in whatever activity we are engaged in, if it gets too quiet or the "sounds" are unfamiliar, an immediate investigation is required.

It had gotten eerily quiet and when I called down to him, he didn't answer BUT I could hear him moving around. I dropped the onion I was chopping and grabbed the kitchen towel, ran down the stairs and found Cole near my desk with a truck in his hand whose bumper had come off. He gave me a sheepish smile until I started laughing uncontrollably whereas a huge grin erupted on his cute mug. He had taken the scotch tape from my office and torn off about 25 itty bitty pieces and plastered the bumper back on. He held it out to me and said "look mom, I fixed it"!! The bumper was still hanging off precariously but he was all proud of himself for taking the initiative. I was so proud of him for doing the same that I felt tears well up in my eyes.

143 Posts...

It has been three years this month that I began writing pieces for this blog, THREE YEARS...holy toledo, that is 36 months of capturing in words my role as a first time mom and approximately 1080 days of content for sharing snippets of our lives as Cole experienced the world around him and we came along for the ride.

My original posts tended to lean heavy on what becoming a mom meant to my identity, as it seemed in a flash I was no longer who I had been before December 6, 2006. My name was the same, my face was the same but internally I felt like a stranger in my own skin. In those early years, Cole's presence I felt right down to my bones, literally and figuratively. I will never forget those initial months when his colic ruled my every waking hour. It was the most all encompassing period that my heart, mind and soul had ever been forced to reckon with. There was so much change to so many aspects of my life that I was both overwhelmed and overjoyed and trying to find a happy medium. The roller coaster of emotions in that first year or two was truly life altering and though I knew as I held Cole in my arms the night of his delivery that I would never be the same, I could have never have been less prepared for what was ahead of me. Parenthood shapes you without a doubt, some days like a bat whacking you over the head, while other days it comes at you gently like falling rain.


The intensity of parenthood is constantly changing, its dynamics insisting on shifting when you least anticipate it and for someone like me who previously liked life to be in neat bundles, scheduled and expected, becoming a mom has been a lesson about living in the present and reveling in the moment(s)because I already find myself pondering "where have the past four years gone"?

Life is much easier these days and my blog posts now are more about the quirky, witty, smart and funny "stuff" that Cole entertains us with. He is a comedian, a scientist, a bookworm, a picky eater, a giggler, a snuggler and very much a BOY! I'm so lucky and grateful everyday for having him grace our lives.

He can do so many things without me now and though a relief in large part, a sadness envelopes me at times when I think of things he no longer needs me for. The push and pull of his growth and development is a constant reminder that Cole is forging his way in this crazy world and finding the ways in which he can best navigate life's maze. Thankfully, for now, he does still need my guiding hand.

So I look forward to the next 143 posts as a raise my rascal one day at a time...

OBX Moments 2010

We had a grand two weeks in one of our favorite destinations...here is a little video of all the moments I was able to capture...

Despite the weather...

We take two weeks of vacation each September in the Outer Banks since our trek from Minnesota takes so long to/from. It truly is ridiculous to drive 26 hours each way for just 6 days so we make it worth our while and settle into beach mode for a bit longer. One week is just us four (some years friends from the DC area join us) and the second week we rent a bigger home and my extended family and parent's best friends party under one roof. This year we had a smaller group as some outside commitments kept some people from being able to join us.

Our first week, the weather was picture perfect, 80 degree weather and cloudless skies. We did a lot of "firsts" with Cole this year, climbed the Hatteras Lighthouse, went kayaking, took the car ferry over to Ocrakoke Island as well as continued our tradition of favorite activities. Driving on the beach and having stretches of it all to ourselves to swim, fish, run, wander and beachcomb and where Tucker can roam without a leash has to be one of my top five things to do in life.

Our second week unfortunately has been a wash out weather-wise. One day of sun (when this picture was snapped) followed by the past four days of rain and/or gray gloomy skies. We have snuck the kids out to the beach whenever the radar indicated a break but those have been too few and far between. The winds picked up today so strong that even walking outside near the house you get sandblasted. So we have made the most of the time indoors, baking brownies, reading books, playing with blocks and games, watching movies and running up and down the long hallways (well the kids have that is)! Cole has had some dedicated time with Gigi and Pop Pop and the past few nights at our family dinners he commented "this is fun"! Sure, it would have been nice to have our days spent beach side of course but after the rocky start medically I had to 2010, I am just grateful to be enjoying the closeness of family.

Another Denham Road Trip Adventure...

Dave and I met in Boston in 2001. Next summer, it will be a decade that we have known one another. In those 10 years, we have logged more miles on the road as a couple (I won't even attempt to add up Dave's individual miles) than anyone else I know. Two cross country moves required two cross country journeys of course. From Beantown to San Francisco via the northern tier of the U.S. Once on the left coast we traveled in our Jeep Cherokee to Lake Tahoe, Oregon, Mendocino, Sonoma, and Monterey. We then left our hearts in the City by the Bay and ventured east this time across the southern states. Once settled in our nation's capital, we took day trips to Baltimore, Virginia Beach and bi-annual trips to our favorite destination, the Outer Banks. Our lives changed with the birth of Cole and we found ourselves on our 3rd move (4th actually move since we rented first and then bought a house in DC) in 5 years, this time to the Twin Cities. Packing up Cole who was five months old, the Jeep was weighing heavy as we followed Dave and Tucker in the loaded Penske truck as we made our way to our new home with its yard, fence and suburban zip code.

Having Cole has not curbed our appetite for road trips, we realized early on that we had more control traveling in our car than flying and because we prefer to take our canine kid with us as much as possible, we continue our quest to drive here, there and everywhere.

Cole is a road tripper extraordinaire. With long drives to Pennsylvania, Montana, Kansas and our annual treks to Outer Banks, he just knows what the deal is. We stop thanks to GPS at playgrounds to let both kids stretch and play but we spend hours on end in the truck, Cole watches the big rigs go by, has his own personal movie theatre and passes the time adeptly using our Iphones (wow, the applications for kids are amazing and educational). A cooler and snack bag keeps us from having to stop too often. Just like when he was a baby, the soothing movement of the truck traveling at high speed (and Tucker snoring) makes him nod off. Sure he has his meltdowns but they truly are few and far between.

This post is being written two days after our 26 hour and 1400+ miles journey to Hatteras Island, NC. As you can see from the photo included, Cole has a smile on his face as Dave snapped this on a pitstop, what great memories we hope we are creating for him as these road trip adventures weave their way into our family fabric!

Look Mommy...

At the start of the year, I began "lunching" with Cole, just him and me every other Friday. Cole is great at restaurants as I think the fact that Dave and I have taken him out to eat quite often in his almost four years, he knows what to expect and what we expect of him when we are enjoying a meal out!

Anyway, I thought it would be a nice Mommy/Son thing to do after we run our typical Friday morning errands to lunch together. We frequent kid-friendly places of course and he 9/10 times will order Mac-N-Cheese. He is not a protein eater, never has been. Thank goodness he drinks tons of milk and eats cheese and eggs. I wonder how he has grown so tall despite continuing to eat like a bird?

So last week we hit Whole Foods and then walked (or ran since it was raining) to Noodles and Company. He likes to choose a table by the window and ask a million times when our food is going to come. So our food arrives and I stir it up and move some of his Mac-N-Cheese from the scorching bowl to his plate in an attempt to cool it off. While he waited as patiently as a 3 1/2 year old can while looking at his food, two gentleman sat down at the table next to us. They smiled and said hi, Cole got all shy and coy and turned away as usual.


After several minutes of watching the steam stream from his plate, I finally give him the go-ahead and he digs in and begins chowing, cheese dripping into his lap, on his cheek...we kept laughing because it is really hard to eat Mac-N-Cheese without making a mess.

The server delivered food to the two men who sat down besides us and Cole's eyes go big...he can barely swallow his food fast enough before he "whispers" loudly..."look, mommy, that man got mac-n-cheese like me"...I said, "he sure did"...Cole with a totally incredulous tone goes "so big people can eat mac-n-cheese too? that is soo cool" The guy eating the mac-n-cheese couldn't help but overhear him, smiled and gave Cole a wink. Cole got bashful again but beamed a big smile back!

PeeeeYewwww

Driving the 11 miles west to Cole's school we drive past some invisible wildlife crossing, well not exactly invisible since unfortunately, it is in the area of Route 394 where the speed limit goes from 55mph to 65mph. That said, sadly it is the worst place for animals to attempt to make it to the other side of the road. Gladly, Cole is typically distracted by the various construction and large Semi trucks we see and thus has yet to ask about the roadkill. However, the other morning approaching the ramp we take to exit to his school, the fresh and pungent smell of a skunk filled the car.

Cole: "Mommy what is the smell, it is icky" (as he holds his nose)

Me: "That is a skunk" (as I see it's remains off to the side)

Cole: "Well, it needs a bath, it must be really dirty" (as he continues to crinkle up his nose at the now stronger than before odor)

Me: *Laughing* (Pondering the thought of explaining the skunk was dead and then thinking better of it since some things are better off left unsaid)

That's All Folks...

Dave has been traveling a ton for work, new clients, new business, all good for him and Colle & McVoy, not so good for me, Cole and Tucker. I think it is awesome that my talented husband is in such high demand, but I feel a bit like Cole on the days when he just wants to hide his toys and isn't in the mood to share.

But reality is what it is and thus Dave is going international this week, flying off to the far away land of Germany for a week. It is difficult enough to connect with him when he is stateside and in the throes of deals and transactions and presentations oh my, let alone in a timezone 8 hours ahead.

So he decided that it was time to learn what everyone else seems to have already mastered, SKYPE. As long as he has internet connection which he isn't 100% sure of, we will be able to "see" one another instead of just settling for hearing one another's voice.

He bought a webcam & microphone long ago, I don't remember why but it has been collecting dust in a drawer so he pulled that out and hooked it up and voila. We practiced with him upstairs on his computer and Cole and I downstairs in my office on mine. It took us a little getting used too but I think we know enough that we can muster through.

Dave came back downstairs to give me passwords and such and Cole ran upstairs as he wanted to "get on daddy's puter". We watched as he sprang into Dave's office, his face filling the screen. He likes to come in close so you get a full shot of his adorable mug. Dave spoke silly to him and got him laughing. He kept moving around (as he typically does 99% of the day) so it was like watching an action movie rather than just talking to someone. This went on for a few minutes when he suddenly blurts out "okay, show's over". Dave and I looked at one another and burst out in laughter, where did he ever hear that? He could hear us reacting and so with glee, continued to repeat this.

It obviously lost its initial performance value but nonetheless became instantly blogworthy.

I don't want a dirty banana...

Cole is a very very very selective eater. He ate many more foods as a toddler than he does as a pre-schooler. The past six months he keeps me guessing as one week he will eat corn or peas and the next week, he won't touch them. One day he will eat noodles with butter and the next he is shrieking because he doesn't want the "sauce". He will devour blueberries, apples and strawberries and then say 24 hours later "I don't like those". He won't touch chicken nuggets (or most meat proteins), has NEVER taken to yogurt and shies away from most veggies. So cooking for him is a frustrating task. I have thought about just giving him a plate a food and if he eats it, great and if he doesn't, then he will if he is hungry enough. However, he is already reed thin and wiry because of his 5am-8pm GO GO GO schedule (no more naps sadly except the occasional crash mid-afternoon on our couch) and thus I worry about his caloric intake. He does drink almost 1 1/2 gallon of milk each week, eats eggs, cheese and turkey hot dogs and lots of organic fruit. I am hopeful he will embrace a broader menu as he grows.

Anyway, this week he has been a little monkey, noshing on bananas. I peel them typically so he doesn't see them before they hit his plate. Sitting on the stool in the kitchen as I made homemade tomato sauce, he asked for a banana (his second before 8am), my hands were full of tomato seeds/skins so I told him to take one and peel it. He said "but I don't want a dirty banana". I realized he thought the few brown spots on the skin was dirt. I explained that the banana was perfectly fine, he looked at me as if I was trying to pull a fast one. So he peeled it back and voila, he smiled and said "oh, okay...yummy"

I love MY Pickle...

I still remember the evening of Cole's birth like it was yesterday...following the hoopla of having an emergency C-section after a half-day of pushing and all the commotion of the previous hours, I lay there in recovery in the middle of the night letting the reality of his arrival sink in. The nurses had left us alone, Dave had crashed out hard on the pull out chair and was breathing deeply and Cole lay in my arms sleeping off his delivery hangover. Adrenaline still coursed through my mind and body and yet I was calm, completely content with Cole's sweet smell drifting around me. I had tried my darnedest to have a productive labor but my wee one was a week beyond his due date and hence wasn't so wee plus he had decided to turn sideways in the birth canal before becoming wedged. He was battered and bruised as a result and looked as if he had decided to fight his eviction notice. As I gazed down at his sleeping form, I began talking to him, telling him all about how we had waited for this day, how I felt from day one that he was a boy and that he had such a future of adventure ahead of him. His face was all scrunched up and prune-like so typical of a newborn. To me, he looked like a pickle. That very night, his nickname was also born.

Three and half years later, I still call him PICKLES...even his classmates at school have heard me use it. It comes out unconsciously most times. It is just our thing. As a toddler he used to actually eat pickles and make the laugh-out-loud pucker face but as he grew more picky with foods, he stopped eating them. So he will forever be my PICKLES and I will continue to use it here and there until one day when I say it and embarrass him. Then, I will have my moment and grieve over the loss of a once intimate communication and realize it is one of many things I will have to let go of over the course of his lifetime.

Flowers and Dumptrucks

Cole and I took a recent Monday morning and had an adventure at the University of Minnesota's Landscape Arboretum. We had not been there in probably two years and I forgot what an amazing place it is. The gardens and flowers and fountains, the stones, and sculptures and shady trees, oh my...acres and acres of lush plants and blooms! I absolutely love flowers and actually prefer seeing them in yards than in vases.

Anyway, I was oohhing and ahhhing my way down the various paths while Cole was checking out every possible water feature and finding rocks and steps to jump off of. I was attempting to snap pictures of him amongst the beautiful backdrop and doing close up shots of some of my favorites.

Cole turns to me after about an hour and poses the question "mommy, you love flowers, they make you happy?" I said, "yes buddy, mommy loves all these flowers, they make me happy just like you do!". He nods as if my confirmation of his thought was expected. He turns to me and goes "well, I love dumptrucks, they make me happy" and then proceeds to make the sounds of a dumptruck backing up (beep, beep, beep) as he backs himself up the stony walk. I just had to laugh out loud and agree!

A lesson in sunsets by Cole...

Cole has had limited experiences with sunsets. In the wintertime, it is too cold to watch the sunset plus it kind of just happens during those long frigid months, you blink and the sun is gone way before we have even sat down to eat dinner.

In the summertime, the sun sets way after his bedtime since here in Minnesota at our higher latitude, summer twilight lasts until after 10pm...so our annual September trip to the Outer Banks is really the only time he has seen the sunset. He normally is off his schedule anyway and the sun at that time of year is dropping earlier as fall approaches. So his frame of reference for watching the sun sink has really only been watching it disappear over the waters of the Pamilico Sound.

Lately, he has been a bugger about going to bed. Revved up from his day one past evening, he was still up as the sun began to descend, its light "pinking" up the billowy clouds. He kept saying how "beautiful" it was with that genuine inflection in his voice that said he really meant it.

Then out of the blue he says "the sun is going into the side of the earth". I had no initial reply as I sat there awestruck. I just looked at him as if he had just spoken Latin. I finally overcame my speechlessness with "you are right Cole, the sun comes up on one side of the earth, in the East and sets on the other side, the West". Where did you learn that? at school? His reply "No, I just know it."

Mastering the Art of Deflection

Cole is so emotionally observant it scares me. At just past three and a half, his keen ability to pick up on the slightest nuances in tone and mood in me and others is just uncanny. He truly is a sponge, both consciously and unconsciously absorbing EVERYTHING around him.

Cole has always been a sensitive soul...from his days of colic where he wanted nothing but to be sung to/held/carried to present day when he hangs his head and says "I'm sad" when I've raised my voice, which makes my heart hurt but is inevitable when parenting.

He does not like conflict with his friends (though with me he seems to invite it, LOL) and he gets upset when someone else is upset. He even lowers his voice when he hears a baby crying at the store and says with genuine concern "why is that baby crying"?)

Anyway, Cole has begun to master the art of deflection as a means to soften the situations where he knows he has gotten himself into a pickle, has received a warning and quite aware that a time out is imminent. He quickly attempts to diffuse the gathering storm by stating "wait a minute, I have a good idea!!" This is followed by one of several things in his arsenal "let's go outside", "let's have a snack" "let's go ride my bike"...or my personal favorite "let's bake cookies".

It is like he is cognizant that if he can distract me from whatever it was that had me in a tizzy, he can circumvent further discipline. Where do they learn this stuff?

Outsmarted...

Cole loves Popsicles, however my son is very picky about the kind of Popsicles he will eat. He has been known to turn down a popsicle at school, which during the summer is common for birthday days instead of cake/cupcakes; if he isn't a fan of whatever the birthday kid's mom brought he won't eat it.

Anyway, I have tried all kinds of popsicles; most are full of junk and though I have no problem with the occasional highly processed-filled one, I do try to keep his sweet treats on the natural/organic side, full of REAL fruit. He prefers these anyway it seems as it is the neon colored ones that look "fake" that he typically refuses.

Cole also still eats like a bird and isn't a big fan of proteins. So I recently bought yogurt fruit popsicles in hopes of wooing him and getting more than just carbs into his system. He will eat ice cream/frozen yogurt but he flatly took one look at the popsicle which was roughly similar in color and shape to his favorite ones and threw me a look as if to say "what are you kidding, I know what you are up to...not a chance"! I attempted to coerce him a bit more and he retorted with "mommy, we have my favorite popsicles, we just got them yesterday, remember, did you forget?"

The Blue Sky Stayed Up

I almost can't keep up with documenting all the cute, quirky, witty and poetic things that pass Cole's lips lately. I should carry a pad of sticky notes with me because things I think I will remember when he blurts them out in the car, at the playground or while running errands seem to disappear into the abyss that is my mind these days. Then I sit down to blog, journal or just jot a note (to remind myself of what I wanted to be reminded about) and I have to will my synapses to fire and spit back the memory that was only hour's old but is foggy already. Sheesh, I used to be as sharp as a tack...

Anyway, with long summer days upon us, there is light in the sky at 5am and light in the sky almost past 10pm. I love having days that seem to actually LAST instead of the cold dark winter days that seemed rushed and over way before my list of To-Do's is done. Cole still wakes in the morning on a farmer's schedule, up around dawn, ready to "let's go downstairs" and with fewer and fewer naps and more and more activity, he is exhausted and in bed way before the sun sinks into the horizon.

One morning a few weeks ago, Cole climbed into our bed at the 5am hour. He loves to look out of our skylights watching for clouds, airplanes, birds...as I began to shake the sleep from my eyes, I gazed at him gazing at the blue sky above. He turns to me, smiles and says "mommy, the blue sky stayed up". At first, my groggy self didn't understand and it must have showed on my face so he clarified for me "the blue sky didn't go night night, it stayed up". He had gone to bed the night before with us looking out his window at a helicopter that was flying over the house and he commented that the sky was really really blue. He obviously fell asleep with that thought and woke up to the same really really blue sky and pieced his thought together thinking that the sky never went to bed.

I love that I get to often see life through his eyes, it is wonderful, honest and real and makes the everyday things like a really really blue sky all the more special.

The "Sass" Factor...

Maybe it is the heat (and humidity) or maybe it is because it rained 22 out of the past 28 days but boy has Cole turned up his "sass" factor. I have been shocked at his outright brazen attitude as of late. Where has my sweet little boy gone a hiding?

The sheer amount of timeouts has grown exponentially over the past month. Did turning three and half flip some sassy switch? His preferred method for showing displeasure used to be a pouty lip, the question "why" or some tears. Recently, his retorts have taken a much bolder approach and as such his expressive use of backtalk is landing him on our "naughty step".

He has taken us both by surprise with not only his choice of words but the way in which he delivers his message. His smart-alecky tone has taken quite a turn and though I have been so dutifully careful as a parent to limit my moments of sarcasm/anger, it is obvious that Cole is mimicking my behavior in part as how else would he have learned to become so flippant. *sigh*

In SuperTarget the other day, I had asked him NOT to repeatedly open the freezer doors, NOT to knock on the bottles of spaghetti sauce as we walked down that aisle, NOT to pull the bananas apart...it was becoming the grocery trip where I just wanted to leave the cart and walk out. He sensed my growing frustration and finally backed off, tossing me a cheeky smile as if to say "okay, I'll behave for now....". I had breathed a sigh of relief and trudged on. We got in line for check-out and he kept pulling the cart out into the area beyond the registers as I attempted to load the bags and pay. I had already warned him that a timeout was imminent. Once again, he pulled the cart away and flashed me an impish grin. I roughly pulled the cart back and said "okay, I see you chose a timeout".. He decided to test me in front of the cashier and the growing line of people behind me. I swear with a rather amused expression he goes "No, mommy, we are at the store, you can't do that here". Oh really? Well, let's just say that the wall between the water fountains and the eye clinic was where he stood for the better part of four minutes with tears cascading down his face. I felt the heat in my own face as complete strangers made their unnecessary judgments but I knew it was what had to be been done.

Cole is definitely aware that he is on a slippery slope so I have been consistent with my discipline to this unwanted attitude. Hopefully it is just a phase of him experimenting with his growing independence. I don't mind him having an opinion but he will most certainly be learning to leave the sass at the door.

I thought I would blog about some of Cole's more recent everyday moments...they don't pack a punch or stand alone as a entry but they do make up an ordinary day and thus are more of a gift in many ways than those bigger than life moments that are more easily recorded and remembered...


The past few months as Cole has gotten more and more and more and more verbal (yes, he could talk the ear off a salesman), it has led, I believe, to his latest developmental chapter of "pretend" play...he more than entertains himself for long periods of time, chatting away to his trucks, trains, stuffed animals, bath toys...he actually loves to lay on the floor and have a dialogue with his toys and I catch myself stopping to listen to his lilting little boy voice changing tone and inflection as he switches between his "characters". In the evening after stories and lights out, I often find myself sitting outside his bedroom on the hallway stairs wishing I could capture an audio of the nighttime routine he has with his various bedtime pals as he shares snippets of his day or memories that were made with them.

He has also taken to "hiding" from us...wanting us to find him as he escapes under a blanket/towel/comforter. Cole has always found refuge from unfamiliar faces by burrowing himself under pillows or a quilt so it is natural that this behavior has evolved into something of a game now! I think he just loves to POP out and try to scare us and the smile on his face makes the sometimes tiresome pursuit worth it in the end.

He sometimes takes my IPHONE, or a book and his little flashlight and creates a pup tent for himself. I enter the room to find the shape of a little ghost contentedly reading or playing games on the couch under his blanket. He has always been one to cover his face with a blanket when trying to go to sleep, which of course has always freaked me out. I would let him begin to nod off and then have to extricate the blanket gently tugging it safely from his head. To this day, he still does the same thing. Not but 15 minutes ago as he began his nap did I have to re-position his beloved blue blanket.

Cole has a lot of my stubborn independence which is a blessing and a curse. He wants to do much for himself which I give him kudos for, however that can and does drive me nuts. Everytime we get into the car, he wants to match up and snap the top latch on his carseat. His fine motor skills are put to use lining up the "puzzle pieces". When I am not in a rush, I can typically start the car, put the groceries in the back, and so forth but in a downpour or when we are late for something I just want to GO. Cole doesn't flip out about much but if I even attempt to manage this task for him, oh boy...same goes for shutting off the bathwater, getting "his" books off the reserve shelf at the library and getting soap to wash his hands (even when he can't reach it at a restaurant or store bathroom.)

There are so many little ordinary moments that fill in our days; I know these mini adventures tell their own tale and probably define who we are the most. I am most sure that these understated bits in a day are the ones I will miss most of all as Cole continues to change and find his way in this world.

Fine Art By Cole...

For most of the past two years or so, Cole's artwork strokes and scribbles mimicked the splatter like effect of Jackson Pollock.

Though in past months Cole has graduated to using more controlled and fine motor skills and thus his masterpieces have evolved as well. His shapes are more defined though maintain a visual subjectivity. His repetitive inclination gives his canvases a more realistic pattern although a skewed perspective. Thus I would now equate his artistic style as being more Picasso(esque).

He thoroughly enjoys a fresh blank page and often pauses before putting crayon/marker/paint to paper. Cole then in a frenzy colors and creates his vision and excitedly beckons Dave or I to "come and see what I did"

I have framed some of his earlier works for my home office, his bedroom and playroom while his more recent renderings can be found for all to see on our refrigerator where he likes to hang them then sit on the floor and turn them around to view them from different angles.

The "piece" I have include here reminds me of a pirate alien (or ghastly ghoul) with freckles and braces.

Cole's Quips

I keep a legal pad next to my work notebook so I can jot things down as I think of them throughout the day. I have a column for things of a personal nature, household to-do's, things to find out/research and an area dedicated to Cole "stuff".

There was a time when I could make a mental list, add and subtract from it, itemize, organize and prioritize it all within the confines of my head but alas, three plus years of interrupted sleep almost every night has taken its toll and the old noggin doesn't operate as it once did.

Anyway, I also keep a running tally of the entertaining, fascinating, witty and poetic things that Cole does and says these days. If I don't, the precious memory of the laugh or sigh they cause will indeed fade as if they never occurred so their documentation I have made a MUST. I am rarely at a loss as to what to BLOG about but now I have so many Cole "isms" that they far surpass my ability (or time) to write individual blog posts about each one. So I will share some of the shorter, less in need of an explanation Cole quips that have escaped his lips as of late.

Quote #1

Bedtime is always full of laughs and snuggles, we have always read numerous books before lights out, although NOW, Cole has begun reading to us, turning the pages, telling the story he sees (or remembers) which is a delightful change. For the past 42 months, I have without fail said to him "SWEET DREAMS, NIGHT NIGHT, I LOVE YOU" and given him a kiss. One night several weeks back, in a sleepy state, along with his reply of "I LOVE YOU TOO MOMMY", he softly says "SWEET NIGHT NIGHTS" and gives me the most innocent angelic smile. He has said that ever since, it is now our new way of ending the day.

Quote #2

Spring arrived much earlier than usual this year and we actually had a string of 90 degree days so we had to pull out the sprinkler to stay cool and help water our budding plants. Our neighbor has a sprinkler that works on a timer and is the old fashioned kind that makes the "JJJJTTTTZZZZ" sound as it makes its way back and forth across the lawn. Cole loves to watch and listen to it from our front door. One evening as he stood there for the better part of 10 minutes (anyone who knows Cole knows that not much can hold him in one place for more than 5), he turns to me as I worked on my computer and says "look mommy, Jesse's sprinkler is going in an ARC". As usual, I racked my brain trying to figure out where the heck he heard that term and dumbfounded that he used it in context. He floors us weekly with his growing vocabulary and direct use of it.

Quote #3

Cole loves to go to the mall. Obviously NOT to shop but to play at the indoor recreation area. Those who have cold winters know that these are grand to have to avoid cabin fever (or rainy days in the summertime). Obviously I won't just go to the mall without running an errand or two, and Cole knows the drill. We stop and find mommy "fill in the blank" when we first get there, then we go play, then we run the second errand, we then finish up by getting a soft pretzel then sitting in the atrium watching all the people walk by. The last time we made a trip to the mall, I had something to return which I did relatively quickly. Cole was anxious to get to the play area as he considered that return my "first" mommy errand. As we walked from Macy's towards the inner mall area, I kept glancing at racks looking for that always elusive perfect (insert shirt/dress/pair of jeans). Cole was getting annoyed at my slow pace and finally blurted out "mommy, don't find anything, it is my turn". I could only sigh and agree with him.

Houston, We Have a Problem...

A few months back I started a weekly ritual with Cole, Friday lunch out, just me and him. He has always LOVED eating out at restaurants and while his attention span for his first few years barely gave Dave and I a chance to actually savor a full meal (more like inhale it), it was nice for all of us to experience dining out on occasion. Now that Cole is old enough to sit and eat for at least most of his meal, it has become enjoyable to take him places. He still eats like a bird so I limit our lunches to places I know offer Mac-n-Cheese, Buttered Noodles or Grilled Cheese; in time I hope to branch out and expand beyond Perkins, Noodles and Co. and TGIFs.

So our Friday agenda typically is a relaxed morning, no rushing around trying to get out the door to beat the rush hour traffic on the way to Montessori. He knows that it is the start to his four day weekend (Mondays and Fridays he is home with me). We play, watch some Noggin, make cookies...then we head out to run errands. In the wintertime I can leave groceries in the car which is great because Minnesota is a meat locker from November-March. In the summertime, I plan errands differently, hitting Target or Byerleys after school instead and leaving none perishable errands to Friday mornings.

Okay, enough of the backstory. So today we found ourselves eating at Perkins. He knows the building as we pull off Route 7. Now some places offer 4 crayons with their kiddy placemat/menu, some a trio but at Perkins we sadly just get 2 in a packet (though we do get a big cookie with his meal which in my opinion makes up for the wimpy crayon offering). We place our orders and he has me open up the cellophane on the crayons.

I wait for him as we usually play "find the letter" on the "find a word" grid. He looks up at me with this tight lipped expression of annoyance and goes "we have a problem". I swear those words were spoken EXACTLY like an adult in tone/inflection. He proceeds to hold up the yellow crayon which shouldn't have passed quality control. The paper wrapping had adhered to high and was covering most of the point of the crayon. He looked at me as if to say "this is useless!". I hesitated at first because I didn't want to rip the paper from around the top if that was going to upset him and start a meltdown, so I asked him if he wanted me to fix it. He sighed (I swear) and said "ooookkkayy"...in a way that said "do I have a choice really?" So I tore at the paper and he happily began to color and write his name. I sat there still pondering his "we have a problem". Where do they learn this stuff? :-)

No, I just like milk and water...

Dave has been gone for six days helping his Grammie move from "The Crick" in Maryland to her new home in Colorado. He helped his sister and mom pack things up and then he drove two 16 hour days with a full Penske truck and Margie's car on the carrier. They (both of his sister's live in CO) unloaded quickly and helped to set Margie up in her new space, Dave then spent a night at his sister Kelley's house and flew home today in time for the Twins Game (free booze and food c/o Colle & McVoy which he did NOT want to miss out on).

Cole, Tucker and I picked him up at baggage claim. Cole had been quite melancholy the longer Dave was absent. He is used to his daddy traveling a great deal for work but never for six days straight. We excitedly (well, Tucker and I since Cole fell asleep on the drive to the airport) greeted Dave who had sprouted a beard during his travels.

We came home and Cole immediately wanted to play trucks and wrestle around with his daddy. As Cole followed him into the kitchen Dave asked him whether he liked his beard to which Cole replied "No, I just like milk and water, I don't drink juice or beer, that is so silly, just daddies drink beer and mommies drink juice (I call my wine "mommy juice""...obviously thinking Dave said BEER not BEARD...we had a good laugh and I was delighted to see Cole so receptive to Dave considering this morning, he said to me "Daddy still isn't home, he has been gone a long time and that makes me sad". He then got quite indifferent when I mentioned we were going to pick up Dave a few hours later. Luckily in the world of a three and a half year old, you don't need to explain much why you've been gone, all that matters is that you have returned!

My little writer...

He might not be potty trained like 90% of his peers but Cole has always strayed from the "normal" range of activity/development for his age group and done his own thing his own way (hmmm, sound like anyone else you might know??)...so although he still proudly wears his PULLUPS, he can write his name without assistance and I am awed by that considering he isn't even 3.5 years! I am glad he has a short name to tackle though he tells me the "e" is "tricky". He has been tracing words and his name at school and home for a few months now and voila, one day I pick up his work from his cubby and there his name is scrawled in free hand with a star and note from his teacher! So I had him sign all his grandmother/great grandmother cards this year which he loved. It simply amazes me how a child's brain learns these functions and all that he has come to be able to master in a short 42 months!

Yeah...now I can BRMMM again...

Cole is rough on his toys and they obviously have not been through as strict of quality control as the packages say they have because in reality, three year old boys drop, push, squeeze, pull, and bang their toys over and over and over; so when a tire pops off a new toy soon after it has been removed from the plastic tomb it came in you know you are in for irritatingly repetitive requests to fix the aforementioned wheel. I can't tell you how many times this has occurred and annoyingly no matter what the price point is, this has happened to various wheels of many of his beloved trucks/cars.

Superglue works wonders on anything you DON'T want to move again, but the pickle comes in when I need to find a fix for one of the many darn wheels, because if the tire doesn't work, Cole becomes distraught because of course, said with a whine that probably makes Tucker wince since it makes me cringe, "I can't BRMMMM it with only three wheels".

I try to address the repair if I know it simply needs a quick snap back into place but sometimes I have to go get tools and if I am in the middle of something else, I don't want him to get accustomed to having his demands met right away, nor stop whatever household task is so vital at that exact moment, so I tell him he has to wait and to go find something else to play with. I have about a 15% success rate with that attempt at redirection. So the other 85% of the time, probably with a sigh or a look on my face showing my exasperation, I trudge off to Dave's workbench scrounging to find the proper miniature set of pliers or the like.

Cole follows me around watching me work my mommy magic and with such joy on his face he lights up the room with his smile as I hand back the temporarily mended vehicle. "Yeah, I can BRMMM now". The last time I made this fix, I obviously made apparent that I was inconvenienced... as he trotted off with his newly repaired (for the 84th time) truck, I saw him detour into his playroom, heard him shuffling around (I was back to folding laundry)...he comes out and says "Here Mom, I have something for you". With that, he grabs my hand and puts a star sticker on it proclaiming "you fixed my truck because it had a flat tire and you made it BRMM again."

**SIGH** in that OMG manner; once again another lesson learned from my son about what truly matters...

The rain is racing...

Since we got back from California two weeks ago, Cole has asked to take his nap in our bed. He sleeps fine at night in his bed but I think it was fun for him to be in our big bed while we were on vacation staying in hotels. He has also come into our room early in the morning (4am or so) for as long as I can remember and snuggled up with the two of us, sometimes three if Tucker is there for another hour or so.

Anyway, he ambles up into our bed throwing my decorative pillows to and fro, making room for himself to curl up under the covers with his blue blanket. I normally lay with him until he settles in, it is our mommy and Cole quiet time. I love watching his eyes gradually get heavy, his little mind trying hard to fight the sleep, his feet kicking and moving around as well in an attempt to find a resting place.

He typically whines about taking a nap but being an early riser and an active little boy, he needs the nap, no qualms about it. Believe me, on the few times where a nap has not been mandated, 4-7pm is a war zone around here.

The other day as he lay nestled up against me, his gaze was drawn to the skylights above our bed. Our roof is at a steep angle to better shed the winter snow we get here so the skylights slant deeply as well. It was raining hard, the skies gray and gloomy, setting the best kind of mood for a lazy warm nap. Even I contemplated just zonking out with him. He had been quiet for awhile but his eyes remained open so I knew he wasn't ready quite yet. Very softly, he goes "Mommy, look, the rain is racing"! Sure enough as I looked upward towards the skylight, the rain was beading at the top of the window and the rivulets were racing in streaks downward, like cars drag racing. I said "your right Cole, the rain IS racing, that is a very good observation". He goes "yep, that is what I see"

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes teared up, it was like hearing poetry from a three year old, his analogy touching me with its sheer innocence. It made me see the falling rain against the skylight from a whole new perspective. It was a moment I won't soon forget.

I know some day...

I know some day, this house will be a PULL UP free zone...some day...

At almost 3.5 Cole still isn't potty trained. He isn't remotely interested. His Montessori teachers ask him to try every day and I have attempted to get him interested using everything from cheerios in the toilet to crossing streams with his daddy. Nope, still not interested. I have blogged before about researching possible methods to use with him but he is just not interested PERIOD! When he becomes frustrated at learning any OTHER skill, we gently prod him to try and try again with lots of hoopla when he does succeed. When we even bring up the subject of peeing on the potty he contorts his face as if we have asked him to eat snails and says, "it's too hard". If we push him to try, he fights us tooth and nail all the way to the bathroom and just stands there. Power of the wills, probably. A game, I don't want to make it that with him, he is too smart already. I need him to think he is the one in charge. Believe me, I know the type.

So what is a mom to do other than back off seeing that 75% of what I read says don't push the wrong buttons or it will take even longer? I know someday he'll amaze me by walking into the bathroom, closing the door, he'll pee, he'll flush, he'll wash his hands, he'll come back out and say matter of factly, "see mom, I went potty" with an impish grin on his face. So I just take solace in knowing that some day it WILL happen...

An "engine" of a different kind...

We just spent four days in California, a much needed getaway for the three of us. It was Cole's first visit to the City by the Bay and we got to share some of our favorite places with him. He is a wonderful traveler!

Two days we spent down in beautiful coastal Monterrey as Dave ran his second Big Sur Marathon. Enjoying the scenery at Asilomar State Beach just a few miles up the road from the famous 17 Mile Drive we found ourselves walking through tidal pools in the chilly Pacific Ocean. We were in awe of the fantastic and breath taking seascape, with spring flowers dotting every rock/crevice.

Dave and I enjoyed a bottle of wine to celebrate his 26.2 finish as Cole ran back and forth, to and fro, around and around as usual. He is very much into pretend play and loves to create racetracks with bridges and crossings. He stops to get tire changes, fill up with gas and recover from crashes. He plays up the sound effects well with his BROOOMM BROOOMMs and his VROOM VROOMs. He raced around loving being barefoot, purposely "spinning" out and landing into the soft sand.

At one point Dave asked him as he changed Cole's tires (his feet) whether he needed an engine tuneup. Cole pointed at his penis and said "no my engine is fine". Dave and I laughed solid for the better part of five minutes. It was one of the highlights of our trip along with our views of the Golden Gate Bridge, the waves and black stones at Rodeo Beach, the 360 degree panorama of the entire city from Alta Vista Park in Pacific Heights, our belly laughs at Ed's analogies on our quick overnight with the Kawashiris and in general our time spent together as a family in the city where Dave and I left our hearts in 2003!

What's Gonna Work....

In all disclosure, Cole watches more TV than I like. It is the reality of my world that I use it as a babysitter of sorts in order to prep/make dinner, to reply to emails, to manage my PT work, to take a shower in peace or to attempt to read the newspaper.

Don't think badly of me as when I say he watches too much TV it is my guilt that trips me up more than the actual amount of TV time itself. In comparison to many three years old I know, he doesn't watch nearly as much TV as his peers. Cole gets more one on one attention from me most days than I have energy for (hence many times I collapse into bed when he does); we have picnics (real and imaginative), we play trucks, we race cars, we color, we go to the playground, we walk Tucker in the woods, we get messy in the sandbox, we go to the library every Tuesday, we "do" lunch out together on Fridays...our days are relatively unstructured in a sense so that he can just be a boy experiencing his world at his pace...we have playdates and run errands and did a lot of music/art/gymboree type classes when he was younger but as he has gotten older, I want him to use his imagination and explore what is right under his nose.

That said, I really shouldn't feel the shame that I do when he does watch TV. We only allow him to view commercial free Noggin (now Nick Jr.) or PBS Kids or select DVDs. He can count to ten in Spanish (c/o of Dora the Explorer), he can say Hello, Sun and Goodbye in Chinese (thanks to Ni How Kai Lan), he dances and bops (with the Yo Gabba Gabba crew), he loves to see Max get himself into a pickle on Max & Ruby and he has most importantly learned the concept of teamwork from the Wonder Pets. He knew their jingle as early back as I can remember but the past several months has used the term or its likeness in context repeatedly.

I try to include him as best I can when I do tasks since he loves to say "I'm a good helper" after assisting me. He helps me clean, bake, sweep outside, make the beds...he loves to just feel the need to be a part of it all. I adore that about him. So eager and willing and upbeat about what would typically be to me just a mundane task. On the occasion where he cannot participate with me, his face falls and he mutters "but I want to be a team". It is so difficult to explain to him the complexities of life and how some things need to be accomplished solo. I know disappointment is just as much a learning tool as success but nonetheless his enthusiastic approach to teamwork is certainly something to foster.

I know the day will come (and probably before I will ever be ready) where he won't want to hang out and play with me as it will be uncool. I'll have to beg him to help me with anything domestic in nature and he'll make it known that I should be invisible. That is what happens as they learn about their independence. I hope he always wants me around but reality is what it is. Anyway, I digress...

For now and as long as he subscribes to his "we are a team" mentality, I will cheer him on and give him as many opportunities as I can to make him feel like Winnie, Tuck or Ming Ming...a very vital part of our TEAM!